Context Free Vignette!
Aug. 17th, 2005 10:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seandcNow for a just a short interlude into the world of Context Free Theatre...
Context Free Vignettes presents: How to Traumatise Forgetful Telepaths
Same Bat-time, same Bat-writers, and the spark of an idea provided by fanficage...
"For you see, Bruce Wayne, the Dark Knight of Gotham, feared by the entire criminal underworld, had forgotten which toilet held the secret passage to the Batcave, and had tried to get there with a normal one."
*pictures him running from stall to stall...*
*Early one morning...*
Bruce: Which one is it?!
Dick: Uh...Bruce? What are you doing?
Bruce: Looking for the toilet that takes me to the Batcave!
Dick: You do realize that's never been there? It was a dream?
Bruce: Maybe?
Dick: Now...would you like me to help you get your leg out of the toilet?
Bruce: Yes, please.
Dick: Then, you change clothes and we take the stairs--the way we always do! *glares*
Bruce: *can't look at him.* (Oh, the shame, the shame :lol:)
Babs: He did what?!
Dick: Stuck his foot in the toilet, because he wanted to get to the Batcave.
Babs: He's crazy..
Dick: He was sleepwalking. Also crazy.
Tim: Hey, don't people's arms fall off if you wake them up while sleepwalking?
*everyone stops to think*
Babs: That...very stupid, Tim. Are you ill? Why would his arm fall off?!
Tim: NO! And...I don't know...
Babs: Cass, carry him home. He isn't needed.
Cass: *Tosses him over her shoulder, kicking and screaming.*
Babs: Now, then. Should Bruce be put in Arkham?
Dick: You haven't read the stories about him and the inmates have you? Would you really want him to be in Arkham?
Babs: *after an hour of reading.* NO!!!!
Bruce: Why are you trying to have me committed? I'm Bat-Phoenix--I wouldn't be there long.
Tim: *eyebrow raise*
Bruce: What?
Tim: Just...the name.
Bruce: Bat-Phoenix?
Tim: Yeah. Why that?
Bruce: Because...I'm the host to a cosmic entity?
Tim: Right...but couldn't you come up with a better name?
Bruce: No...*quietly* You're mean.
Babs: No...you're strange. And insane. And if you're host to a cosmic entity--wouldn't you KNOW there wasn't an entrance to the Batcave through the toilet?!
Bruce: You...might have a point...
Tim: Or you could use that weird power to burn a new entrance...
Dick: Shush, Tim, you'll only encourage him.
Bruce: At least someone is...*small not-creepy-for-once smile at Tim, then disappears out the door*
Babs: CASS! Take him home, and make sure he doesn't get away this time!
Cass: Sorry. He's sneaky, but he's not getting away this time!
Tim: Oh yes I am! *Zoing!* *disappears out door in other direction*
Cass: *runs off after him, and is seen a minute later with him over her shoulder again* Told you so...
Cass: I'll take him home now. Caught him.
Bruce: *quietly follows.* If you like, I could always make him disappear and reappear at home.
Cass: You know Tim. He would escape again.
Bruce: True...
Dick: You're so weird. Can't you make the bird effect darker? To match your costume?
Bruce: Then it wouldn't be fire, now would it?
Dick: Will they have to change the Batsignal to a Phoenix? Cause then, everyone with a bird insignia would show up.
Bruce: I doubt that, Dick.
*Jim changes the Batsignal and turns it on.*
*An hour later...*
Jim: Why are Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Bluejay, and all these other bird themed people here?!
Booster: Oops, sorry, got confused *leaves*
Dinah: You mean that signal isn't for us?
Jim: Well... no...
Dinah: Then who is it for?
Jim: Batman...
Dinah: Then..why a bird?
Jim: Batman is currently the host to a cosmic entity. He's Phoenix, so I'm altering the signal. Now...will the rest of you please GO HOME?!
*Everyone runs and scatters into the night.*
Sean DC (11:24 PM) :
This is a confused universe :lol:
Anna1 (11:24 PM) :
Yes. :lol:
Anna1 (11:24 PM) :
The only ones who aren't confused are probably the Batclan. Although, Tim is the most confused one of all there. :lol:
Sean DC (11:25 PM) :
Only because he's wondering why "home" looks nothing like his place :lol:
Anna1 (11:25 PM) :
Very true. :D
Anna1 (11:25 PM) :
Maybe Cass tied him up and put him in her own Batcave. :lol:
Sean DC (11:26 PM) :
That's what I was thinking, without the tying up :lol:
Anna1 (11:26 PM) :
She probably would try that, though :lol:
Babs: Cassie... when I said to take Tim home, you did that, right?
Cass: Yes.
Babs: And you realise I meant *his* home, right?
Cass: *raises an eyebrow and saunters away* :lol:
Babs: Should I ask where he is? Nah...
Tim: *Tied up, and all alone* Mmmph! MMMPHHH!!!!
Babs: I'm sure he'll be fine...
Dick: *rolls on the floor laughing*
Babs: What? What is it?
Dick: And you're the "all-knowing Oracle?" *rolls around laughing more.*
Bruce: *appears in a burst of flame.* *everyone jumps.*
Babs: I'm never going to get used to that, you know.
Bruce: Sorry. You need Tim? He's tied up all alone in a cave.
Dick: How could you possibly know? Right...telepathy.
Bruce: He's currently being hung upside down by Cass. *smirks.*
Babs: You needed telepathy to tell you this?
Bruce: No...it's just quicker than lurking over her shoulder.
Dick: Ha! Thought so.
Bruce: And it's obvious that she'd do that. She likes him.
Babs: Ok...can you please stop the telepathic matchmaking? And revelation of feelings? It's creepy.
Dick: Tell me how she feels about me! *gets his foot rolled over.*
Bruce: And on that note, I'm going to check on Tim! *Disappears in a swirl of flame.*
Dick: Coward.
*from nowhere*: "I heard that! Babs?"
Babs: Got it, Boss! *rollls over his foot again.*
Dick: Owwwww... and who needs telepathy to matchmake around here? Despite certain violent tendancies...
Babs: Who's violent Dickie? *smacks his hand*
Dick: Oh, no one specifically comes to mind... :P
Babs: Still creepy though.
Dick: Yeah. Imagine Bruce of all people being able to read thoughts...
Both: *pause in thought* I... oh! *pause more with blushing*
From nowhere: "Gah! Now I know how J'onn feels!"
Babs: Stay out of my mind!
Bruce: I will...now!... You did *what* to my son?!
Dick: As you promised--stay out of her thoughts...
Bruce: She was thinking really loud!
Dick: Babs, think quieter!
Babs: I can't help it when he mentions *that*...
Bruce: AHH! Now you may as well be shouting from the rooftops!
Bruce: *Vanishes in a swirl of flame.*
J'onn: Ah, I see that you have been traumatized by Babs. Come, and I shall offer comfort--cookies.
Bruce: Thank you, and yes.
J'onn: It has become a game to see which telepath she can traumatize the most. So far, it is a tie between you and I.
Context Free Vignettes presents: How to Traumatise Forgetful Telepaths
Same Bat-time, same Bat-writers, and the spark of an idea provided by fanficage...
"For you see, Bruce Wayne, the Dark Knight of Gotham, feared by the entire criminal underworld, had forgotten which toilet held the secret passage to the Batcave, and had tried to get there with a normal one."
*pictures him running from stall to stall...*
*Early one morning...*
Bruce: Which one is it?!
Dick: Uh...Bruce? What are you doing?
Bruce: Looking for the toilet that takes me to the Batcave!
Dick: You do realize that's never been there? It was a dream?
Bruce: Maybe?
Dick: Now...would you like me to help you get your leg out of the toilet?
Bruce: Yes, please.
Dick: Then, you change clothes and we take the stairs--the way we always do! *glares*
Bruce: *can't look at him.* (Oh, the shame, the shame :lol:)
Babs: He did what?!
Dick: Stuck his foot in the toilet, because he wanted to get to the Batcave.
Babs: He's crazy..
Dick: He was sleepwalking. Also crazy.
Tim: Hey, don't people's arms fall off if you wake them up while sleepwalking?
*everyone stops to think*
Babs: That...very stupid, Tim. Are you ill? Why would his arm fall off?!
Tim: NO! And...I don't know...
Babs: Cass, carry him home. He isn't needed.
Cass: *Tosses him over her shoulder, kicking and screaming.*
Babs: Now, then. Should Bruce be put in Arkham?
Dick: You haven't read the stories about him and the inmates have you? Would you really want him to be in Arkham?
Babs: *after an hour of reading.* NO!!!!
Bruce: Why are you trying to have me committed? I'm Bat-Phoenix--I wouldn't be there long.
Tim: *eyebrow raise*
Bruce: What?
Tim: Just...the name.
Bruce: Bat-Phoenix?
Tim: Yeah. Why that?
Bruce: Because...I'm the host to a cosmic entity?
Tim: Right...but couldn't you come up with a better name?
Bruce: No...*quietly* You're mean.
Babs: No...you're strange. And insane. And if you're host to a cosmic entity--wouldn't you KNOW there wasn't an entrance to the Batcave through the toilet?!
Bruce: You...might have a point...
Tim: Or you could use that weird power to burn a new entrance...
Dick: Shush, Tim, you'll only encourage him.
Bruce: At least someone is...*small not-creepy-for-once smile at Tim, then disappears out the door*
Babs: CASS! Take him home, and make sure he doesn't get away this time!
Cass: Sorry. He's sneaky, but he's not getting away this time!
Tim: Oh yes I am! *Zoing!* *disappears out door in other direction*
Cass: *runs off after him, and is seen a minute later with him over her shoulder again* Told you so...
Cass: I'll take him home now. Caught him.
Bruce: *quietly follows.* If you like, I could always make him disappear and reappear at home.
Cass: You know Tim. He would escape again.
Bruce: True...
Dick: You're so weird. Can't you make the bird effect darker? To match your costume?
Bruce: Then it wouldn't be fire, now would it?
Dick: Will they have to change the Batsignal to a Phoenix? Cause then, everyone with a bird insignia would show up.
Bruce: I doubt that, Dick.
*Jim changes the Batsignal and turns it on.*
*An hour later...*
Jim: Why are Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Bluejay, and all these other bird themed people here?!
Booster: Oops, sorry, got confused *leaves*
Dinah: You mean that signal isn't for us?
Jim: Well... no...
Dinah: Then who is it for?
Jim: Batman...
Dinah: Then..why a bird?
Jim: Batman is currently the host to a cosmic entity. He's Phoenix, so I'm altering the signal. Now...will the rest of you please GO HOME?!
*Everyone runs and scatters into the night.*
Sean DC (11:24 PM) :
This is a confused universe :lol:
Anna1 (11:24 PM) :
Yes. :lol:
Anna1 (11:24 PM) :
The only ones who aren't confused are probably the Batclan. Although, Tim is the most confused one of all there. :lol:
Sean DC (11:25 PM) :
Only because he's wondering why "home" looks nothing like his place :lol:
Anna1 (11:25 PM) :
Very true. :D
Anna1 (11:25 PM) :
Maybe Cass tied him up and put him in her own Batcave. :lol:
Sean DC (11:26 PM) :
That's what I was thinking, without the tying up :lol:
Anna1 (11:26 PM) :
She probably would try that, though :lol:
Babs: Cassie... when I said to take Tim home, you did that, right?
Cass: Yes.
Babs: And you realise I meant *his* home, right?
Cass: *raises an eyebrow and saunters away* :lol:
Babs: Should I ask where he is? Nah...
Tim: *Tied up, and all alone* Mmmph! MMMPHHH!!!!
Babs: I'm sure he'll be fine...
Dick: *rolls on the floor laughing*
Babs: What? What is it?
Dick: And you're the "all-knowing Oracle?" *rolls around laughing more.*
Bruce: *appears in a burst of flame.* *everyone jumps.*
Babs: I'm never going to get used to that, you know.
Bruce: Sorry. You need Tim? He's tied up all alone in a cave.
Dick: How could you possibly know? Right...telepathy.
Bruce: He's currently being hung upside down by Cass. *smirks.*
Babs: You needed telepathy to tell you this?
Bruce: No...it's just quicker than lurking over her shoulder.
Dick: Ha! Thought so.
Bruce: And it's obvious that she'd do that. She likes him.
Babs: Ok...can you please stop the telepathic matchmaking? And revelation of feelings? It's creepy.
Dick: Tell me how she feels about me! *gets his foot rolled over.*
Bruce: And on that note, I'm going to check on Tim! *Disappears in a swirl of flame.*
Dick: Coward.
*from nowhere*: "I heard that! Babs?"
Babs: Got it, Boss! *rollls over his foot again.*
Dick: Owwwww... and who needs telepathy to matchmake around here? Despite certain violent tendancies...
Babs: Who's violent Dickie? *smacks his hand*
Dick: Oh, no one specifically comes to mind... :P
Babs: Still creepy though.
Dick: Yeah. Imagine Bruce of all people being able to read thoughts...
Both: *pause in thought* I... oh! *pause more with blushing*
From nowhere: "Gah! Now I know how J'onn feels!"
Babs: Stay out of my mind!
Bruce: I will...now!... You did *what* to my son?!
Dick: As you promised--stay out of her thoughts...
Bruce: She was thinking really loud!
Dick: Babs, think quieter!
Babs: I can't help it when he mentions *that*...
Bruce: AHH! Now you may as well be shouting from the rooftops!
Bruce: *Vanishes in a swirl of flame.*
J'onn: Ah, I see that you have been traumatized by Babs. Come, and I shall offer comfort--cookies.
Bruce: Thank you, and yes.
J'onn: It has become a game to see which telepath she can traumatize the most. So far, it is a tie between you and I.
