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seandcMentioning certain recurring plot points of the comics, us? Never!
Context Free Theatre presents: All A Dream Again
Anna1: The writers of fanfic need to be hired by DC. They could fix everything--or just turn it into the quick fix that Dallas did.
(In other words, the last year of bad things in the comics was all a dream of Alfred's.)
Alfred: *wakes up screaming and rolls over.*
Leslie: You okay, Alfred?
Alfred: Murderer! You killed her!
Leslie: Okay...
Alfred: What are you doing here?! I thought you were in Africa.
Leslie: We're on our honeymoon. Why would I be in Africa?
Alfred: So...you killing people was all a dream? We're married?
Leslie: Yes...none of that was real.
Alfred: Oh, marvelous. *fade to black.*
Meanwhile...
Bruce: Ahhh!!!!
Leslie: Not again!
Bruce: Killer! You're a killer!
Leslie: Go back to bed. I'm not a serial killer, this isn't Africa, and I'm not wanted for a crime I didn't commit.
Bruce: Oh? Am I wanted by the GCPD?
Leslie: Probably...but not for anything other than being a vigilante.
Bruce: *stares* Who is the Commissioner?
Leslie: Jim Gordon.
Bruce: Yes! Over a year was all a dream! *dances the dance of joy.*
Leslie: Alfred? Should I call Arkham?
Alfred: *peeks in.* No, if it's anything like my dream, he can dance all night if he wants.
Leslie: You're both crazy.
Alfred: He dresses like a bat. I clean a cave. You just figured this out, Miss Leslie?
Leslie: You're both hopeless! *leaves*
Bruce: At least she's not a serial killer.
Alfred: My dream as well, Master Bruce.
Bruce: You don't think--
Alfred: Perhaps.
Bruce: Dick did this?
Alfred: Pray that his becoming a supervillain was part of our dream!
Elsewhere:
Dick: Supervillain, eh? And all I was looking for was criminal mastermind... hmmm... *thwap!* ow...
Babs: I already told you, no supervillainry. Go back to sleep.
Tim: *wakes up screaming, and runs into the middle of the room.*
Cass: *punches him, knocks him out, drags him back to bed.* Freaky boy. Cute freaky boy.
Tim: *groans and is kicked by Cass.*
Of course, if he was running in the middle of the room, where was the bed?
Tim: *runs into the middle of the room, and falls over and onto the bed* Oof!
Cass: Down, clumsy tiger!
Tim: *wakes up in pain.*
Cass: No hitting bed again--only more pain.
Tim: I'll be good. Please don't hurt me.
Cass: *evil grin.*
Tim: Oooh....I see we learned a lot about being evil from Babs.
Cass: This not a dream, by the way.
Tim: I don't know whether to be scared or very glad...
Cass: Both, boyo!
Tim: *begins singing he's so happy.*
Cass: Strange boy. Cute boy. Come to bed.
Tim: *Hops in bed and begins to bounce on it.*
Cass: *glares.*
Tim: I'll be good.
Cass: Good, because some people are clumsier than others. And others... *bounces off bed and somersaults, landing on her feet* are amazing.
Tim: Hey, I'm not clumsy... *feels look* compared to most people...
Meanwhile...
J'onn: *wakes up* Bruce? Where'd he go?
Bruce: *Cowering under the bed.*
J'onn: What is wrong?
Bruce: No more mindwiping me!
J'onn: I have not mindwiped you--and I shall not. Get out from under there.
Bruce: Promise?
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Meanwhile...
Selina: Where's Bruce?
This is why Bruce is hiding. He was with so many people--in the year that wasn't--that he's afraid they'll kill him :D
And hiding with one of the people he was with is the smart thing to do :lol:
Yes. :D Especially since J'onn can mindwipe people. By the end of it, he might want to be mindwiped after all. :lol:
His mind will be like a page that's been liquid-papered again and again and again... Maybe he'll make that observation in the comics :lol:
That would be good.
J'onn: Hmmm...*looks at him.* Hmmm...
Bruce: What?!
J'onn: Nothing...have you ever heard of a mind that looked like white-out had been used on it?
Bruce: I've been mindwiped?! Again! Fix it--FIX IT!!!!
J'onn: Ok... *forms hand into shape of giant pencil with eraser, takes eraser to Bruce's head*
Bruce: I am so taking away all your Looney Tunes tapes.
J'onn: Too late for that. The damage has been done.
Bruce: To my mind, or to yours?
J'onn: Mine. Your mind has a lot of problems. *sees scary thoughts.*
Bruce: What's wrong?
J'onn: Your mind frightens me.
Bruce: Good.
J'onn: *glares.* I'm in your mind. Don't anger me.
Bruce: I'll be good!
J'onn: Bruce... I am not River Tam. Stop thinking of her.
Bruce: I don't know what you mean!
J'onn: "I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship." I haven't even seen that episode.
Bruce: Oh. Well, I'll just giving you a little preview.
Later...
*The Watchtower.*
J'onn: Stop it, Bruce.
Bruce: *looks innocent.*
Superman: What's wrong?
J'onn: Stop thinking that!
Superman: Thinking what?
J'onn: "I am not Bruce Wayne. I am in the Watchtower. I am the Watchtower. I will throw you into space."
Superman: Do I need to call the men in white coats, J'onn?
J'onn: *glares* No!
Superman: Just as well, long-distance rates from the Moon are really eating into our budget.
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: *smirks.*
Superman: Now...which of you two is the crazy one? Oh, why do I even ask?! It's Bruce, of course. It's always Bruce.
Bruce: Crazy like a fox!
Superman: Huh?
Bruce: Robin thinks I should quote more Simpsons. Robin is also currently being thrown around the bedroom by Batgirl.
Superman: The whole Batclan is crazy.
Bruce: Like knowing this kind of thing wouldn't make you crazy?
J'onn: He has a point.
Superman: *thinks about that, and shudders.*
J'onn: *smirks.* We're scaring him.
Bruce: Fun, isn't it?
J'onn: Yes, actually.
Bruce: Want to get a bat costume?
J'onn: You're the crazy one, not me.
Bruce: We could really confuse people with two Batmen...
J'onn: Hmmm... nah.
Superman: *rolls his eyes and starts to leave.*
Bruce: Where are you going?
Superman: Home. Where it's a little more sane.
Bruce: Oh? So catching Lois as she falls off the top of the Daily Planet for the 10,000th time is sane?
Superman: Compared to you two? Yeah.
A voice: Aha! Now, I shall launch this new Baxter Building into SPACE!!
Lois: Aiiieeee catch me!....
Clark: *swoops in, catches her* You know, a simple "hello" is a more traditional way of welcoming someone home.
Lois: Just making you feel needed, dear.
Clark: One moment. *ahem* You're in the wrong city, Doom, this isn't the Baxter Building!
Doom: BAH!!
Later...
Doom: Now the Baxter Building will be shot into space! MWHAHAHAHHA!
Tim: Uh...Doom? This isn't the Baxter Building.
Doom: Then...what is it?
Cass: Wayne Manor. Baxter Building that way.
Tim: Listen to Cass, or she'll hurt you.
Doom: Grr....*leaves.*
Even later...
Batman: Doom? Get out of here!
Doom: This isn't the Baxter Building? But I shot it into space!
Batman: This was in orbit before that!
Doom: Liar!
Batman: *facepalm.*
J'onn: Allow me. Doom? This is The JLA Watchtower. This isn't even on Earth--you've overshot your mark.
Doom: Oh for crying out loud!
TwistedToyfareTheatre!Spider-Man: *facepalm, almost drops his chips*
Batman: See that? That's a satellite. Proof that we're in space.
J'onn: Go home. Take a nap. Things will be saner in the morning.
Doom: Doom shall have his revenge!
Superman: For what?
Doom: Err...for...for...I'll think of something later! But I will have my revenge! *leaves*
Batman: Well, that was different.
J'onn: Superman? I thought you went home.
Supes: Oh yeah. I got caught up in the whole thing. I'm going now. *leaves*
J'onn: Today has been weird.
Batman: We're superheroes. Every single day is weird.
J'onn: Oh?
Batman: You didn't think it was weird when we fought those tiny pink elephants that were scaring the rehab facility?
J'onn: I thought they were seeing things.
Batman: It was tiny little aliens. Easy to mistake for an alcoholic delusion.
Flash: *behind them.* *looks of confusion and fear.* So glad I wasn't here for that one. Going home now!
J'onn: Are you sure you weren't hallucinating?
Bruce: Positive. Even if I was exposed to fear gas, and laughing gas at the same time....
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: What?
J'onn: Nevermind. Go home. See whoever's hanging about. My brain hurts.
Bruce: The pink elephants were real, I tell you!
J'onn: Fine! They're real! I won't be reading your mind for a while, though.
Bruce: Even though my brain is like reading Shakespeare?
J'onn: Yes!
Dick: *Beams up.* Babs tells me there's a problem up here?
J'onn: He's seeing little pink elephants. After being exposed to gas from Scarecrow and Joker. He thinks it's real.
Dick: Sure he wasn't doing drugs?
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: I didn't mean I was seeing them right now!
Dick: Well, are you?
Bruce: NO! *looks a little scared.*
Dick: You sure?
Bruce: *watches a dancing elephant.* Positive.
Dick: Then you're good to go for patrol?
Bruce: Yeah...maybe. Oh, I hope so.
Dick: That's it. I'll be Batman tonight.
Bruce: No you can't, you don't have any costumes!
Dick: Oh no? *twirls round, when he stops his costume's changed* I'm Batman.
J'onn: Yep, got it down.
Bruce: It's the Phoenix thing. By the way? Tell the elephants to get off the curtains. I'm going to bed.
Dick: What elephants?
J'onn: What curtains?
Both: What bed?
*They hurry to prevent him from jumping out the airlock.*
Bruce: What? I'm just going for a walk. I'm Batman. I can breathe in space.
Dick: Ah, Bruce? *I'm* Batman.
Bruce: Gah! You know what I mean!
Dick: Not tonight. Tonight you're going back home, to Earth, and breathing normal air and not being outside.
Dick: Maybe Alfred should tie him up?
J'onn: Good plan.
Bruce: But I *can* breathe in space! The elephants said so!
Dick: We really need an anti-toxin for the times when Joker's and Scarecrow's gases combine.
J'onn: Agreed. Tell Leslie to make one.
Bruce: We've had that conversation before. She said the antidote is called "sleep".
J'onn: Well, go back to Earth and go to bed.
Bruce: Don't wanna.
Dick: *facepalm* This calls for a secret weapon.
Bruce: Bees? Is Quincy here?
Dick: More hallucinations, huh? No, not bees.
J'onn: Ah, your thoughts are interesting.
Dick: *calls Alfred to send someone.*
Cass: Here to take you home, Bruce.
Bruce: The elephants say to run. The ants say to hide. The bees say to fight you. What do I do?
Cass: Come closer. *knocks him out, and drags him to the teleporter.*
Dick: Good job!
Cass: Thanks! *bows theatrically* And Oracle says to either get on patrol or get home!
Dick: I'm going, I'm going! She's scary when she's angry.
Cass: *locks Bruce in the closet for the night.* Yes, she is. She's teaching me everything she knows. *evilgrins*
Dick: You're a natural. Go show Tim.
Cass: He knows! :D
Dick: Scary girl.
Cass: Thank you!
Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor's closet:
Bruce: Let me out? Please? The elephants say I'll be good!
Leslie: We'll let you out when we finish the anti-toxin!
Bruce: *snacks on some mints he finds in a jacket pocket*
Bruce: *is actually eating a sleeve since there aren't any mints.* These are good!
Leslie: What are you eating?
Bruce: Silk sleeves!
Leslie: *facepalm.* Alfred? Hurry with the anti-toxin!
Alfred: *winking at Leslie while talking to Bruce* I've taken the liberty of mixing the antidote into some water for you, Master Bruce. *opens closet* It works best if drunk quickly... yes, like that.
Bruce: I can't really tasss... *slumps over*
Leslie: Alfred you old rogue, what was that really?
Alfred: Madam, you wound me. Are you implying I'm the sort of person who'd mix sleeping pills with a good draught of vodka?
Leslie: Seeing as I can see the bottle, yes!
Alfred: Good call.
J'onn: *watching.* Ah, the Bat Clan. Home of crazy people, and those who drug them.
Alfred: Indeed.
J'onn: Just making sure he wasn't jumping out windows or anything.
Leslie: We locked him in the closet.
Bruce: *snore* *snore* *snore*
J'onn: I can hear him.
Alfred: *finishes the anti-toxin.* Oh, Master Bruce? We're coming for you.
J'onn: Are you trying to scare him?
Alfred: Yes, Master J'onn. He's scared me enough over the years--payback time. *Small grin.*
J'onn: You frighten me.
Alfred: Thank you, Sir.
Selina, entering: Alfred, I just thought I'd stop by to see if there's been any sign of Bruce?
Alfred: Just follow the sound of snoring, Miss Selina.
Selina: I did, all the way up the drive. ;)
Alfred: If you can take his rantings about little pink elephants, you may speak with him.
Selina: Pink elephants?!
Alfred: It is what happens when one is exposed to fear gas and laughing gas at the same time.
Selina: Ah, that's less confusing. *opens closet* Oh, look at him, all curled up under those coats...
Alfred: He isn't trying to eat any of them is he?
Selina: No, he's too busy snoring.
Alfred: That's all right then.
Selina: Wait. Why would he eat them?
Alfred: Insanity under the gases.
Selina: Weird.
Alfred: Here, stab him with this.
Selina: I won't kill my boyfriend!
Alfred: It's a syringe with the antidote.
Selina: Well, in that case...*Stabs Bruce.*
Bruce: *wakes* Ah! Kill the bees!
Selina: Shh... shh... no bees here, it's ok...
Bruce: What? Selina?
Selina: Hi. Long time no see.
Bruce: Is it? I don't remember. I feel kind of funny.
Selina: Oh really?
Bruce: Not that kind of funny. Like I've been out a while.
Selina: There were gasses. They knocked you out, must've wiped your memory. *winks mentally at J'onn*
Bruce: Were there bees or something?
Selina: MORE ANTIDOTE!!!!
Bruce: I mean, because it feels like I was stung.
Selina: Cancel the order for more antidote!
And because we're on a guest star kick...
Context Free Theatre presents: Renee Montoya is - Deadman!
What if... Deadman possessed Renee, or someone else in the GCPD?
It would be horrible if she was in the middle of a conversation with Two-Face and got possessed.
Now you're just tempting fate!
Renee: *comes back to normal a mile from where she was.*
Two-Face: Kiss me!
Renee: AHHH!!!
Two-Face: Not possessed anymore? Good. You did a lot while you were.
Renee: Well, that's just great! Can my life get any weirder? Don't answer that!
Capn Sawyer, 5 mins later: Montoya, what have I told you about Sticking The Boot in?
Renee: To try and cut back a little?
Daria (Renee's girlfriend--NOT the other one): You were strange earlier.
Renee: I was possessed!
Daria: Does that explain why you pinned mistletoe in every corner of every room?
Renee: Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Two-Face: Heh.
Renee: You're still here? Go away!
*watches Two-Face trudge away sadly* Awwwwwwwwwww :lol:
And now you've said which Daria it isn't, I'm hearing it all in her voice
Renee: Hey, Batman.
Batman: Are you Deadman?
Renee: No.
Batman: *trudges away sadly--and bored.* Awwwwwwwww again :lol:
Robin: Hey, there.
Renee: I'm NOT DEADMAN!!!!!
Robin: Wow. I was just going to ask if you'd seen Batman!
Renee: *points the direction he went.*
Renee: *is asked 30 more times.*
Batman: Hey....have you seen Robin?
Renee: He went that way--trying to find you.
Batman: Are---*sees glare and runs.*
It would be weird if the GCPD learned the Batglare. :D
The populace would be doomed!
Yes, and Batman could be captured if he was terrified by it. :D
Or he could set up an overpowering version....
Alfred: What did I tell you about giving away family secrets?
Bruce: Don't do it?
Alfred: That's right. And what did you do with the batglare secret?
Bruce: *shifts foot* Gave it away?
Alfred: Yes.
Bruce: But it was only to a few of the MCU. They're ok, aren't they?
Alfred: Depends on the writers, Master Bruce...
Bruce: I didn't mean to do it.
Alfred: That excuse lost its impact after you turned 5, Master Bruce.
*Tim arrives.*
Tim: Well I think I've driven Montoya insane enough for one night.
Alfred: Careful, young Sir. You may drive her to become a foe.
Tim: *imagines costume--and being attacked. shudders.*
Bruce: *shudders.*
Bruce: Do we have enough villains?
Alfred: I should hope so! So don't go brainwashing her, or making her a new Robin!
Bruce: Oooh, nice idea!
Alfred: What have I unleashed upon the world?!
And in a nearby street:
Cris: Renee, have you...
Renee: NO! I am NOT repeat NOT Deadman!!
Cris: Wow... calm down, Renee, I was just about to ask if you two have eaten already.
Renee: Oh. Yeah. Um, I'm calm...
Daria: Yes. If you were any calmer only your teeth would be clenched, instead of your whole body.
Renee: We'll see how you feel after you've been possessed--and every superhero asks if you're still Deadman.
Daria: What did you do?
Renee: Not a clue.
Cris: *remembers a strange dance on a table--does not comment.*
Tim: Time for plan B... you're thinking of making Catwoman another Robin...
Bruce: I am?
Tim: Yes. In the old costume.
Bruce: Hmmmm.... *goes into a little world of his own*
Tim: He'll be good for a couple of hours.
Alfred: Yes, Master Tim, I know. Milkshake?
Tim: Thank you!
Bruce: Hey, I want one, too! You don't get to drink those when you're dead!
Tim: And now he's Deadman. Neat.
Alfred: Indeed. Master Boston, please follow us to the kitchen.
Bruce/Boston: I can't even scare you guys? Aww...
Tim: You're trying to scare us? Boy, did you ever come to the wrong house for that!
Alfred: The lad's right. We see more and-I-quote scary happenings here in a week than most people do in two years.
Bruce/Boston: It's been a busy night. Halloween I try to possess as many people as I can. And make them think they're nuts!
Alfred: Sir, that is cruel. Fun, but cruel.
Bruce/Boston: Can I scare the bad guys tonight as Batman?
Alfred: How many times have you possessed him in the past year?
Bruce/Boston: Umm...20?
Alfred: I think that's enough for one year.
Bruce/Boston: Ahhh, Alfie, Alfie... enough is never enough! *grins*
Tim: Ok, I take it back, you *can* be creepy in this place!
Bruce/Boston: *grins more*
Tim: Ahhh... hmmmm... hold that pose... *pulls out camera phone, places call* Excuse me, Oracle? *holds phone up to grin!*
Oracle: Ahhh! My eyes! Make the grinning stop!
Tim: Sorry. Should have warned you. He's possessed by Deadman.
Oracle: Now it all makes sense.
Dick: You know, I think he planned this all along...
Tim, through gritted teeth: shut up, shut up!
Babs: Is that so, Timmy?
Bruce/Boston: Now you see why I come here so often, old chap!
Alfred: *sigh*
Bruce/Boston: Yep! I get all the food I want the more I possess Bruce here.
Dick: He doesn't pay you?
Bruce/Boston: Money's no good for a ghost, kiddo! *eats as much as he can.*
Alfred: Please don't eat so much. You'll make Master Bruce ill.
15 minutes later:
Bruce/Boston: Oog... I can hear it all sloshing around inside him...
Alfred: *facepalm.*
Bruce/Boston: Now I'll be going before Brucie here actually gets sick! Bye! *leaves him.*
Tim: Bruce? You okay?
Bruce: Ooh...I don't feel good. I also feel strangely full.
Alfred: I think a rhyme young Master Dick brought home one day might be fitting:
"Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork,
a little ham,
some icecream and some soda fizz,
and boy how sick our Mary is!"
Bruce: And?
Alfred: Mary was the very picture of restraint compared to you, sir.
Bruce: *puts his head down on the table.* Was it Boston again?
Alfred: Yes, Master Bruce.
Bruce: What was it last time? In the middle of a case?
Alfred: No, last time it was you dancing through the Watchtower, singing a few songs. J'onn mindwiped everyone who saw.
Bruce: Oooohh....
Babs: Not everyone!
Alfred: Yes, everyone.
Babs: Explain all these lovely lovely tapes I've got then!
Alfred: He couldn't mindwipe a video camera. Plus, you are always given the evidence.
Babs: *beams.*
Bruce: Don't smile so much. I hurt... Awwwwwwwwww :lol:
Alfred: Poor boy. *pats him.*
Bruce: Remind me to get revenge on Deadman.
Alfred: How will you do that, sir?
Bruce: Call the Ghostbusters....
Alfred: Sir? You do know they are fictional characters, do you not?
Babs: The next sound you hear will be the breaking of the 4th wall...
Alfred: *shakes his head.*
Bruce: Fourth wall? What are you talking about, Barbara?
Babs: Great, he's playing Mr Innocent...
Alfred: *facepalm.*
Babs: Dick? Please take all the pictures you need the next time Bruce is possessed. Everything compromising...
Bruce: Dick? Want to hide me?
Dick: Nope.
Bruce: Why not?
Dick: She's scarier than you when she's mad.
Babs: *glare.*
Dick: You're so beautiful!
Tim: Hey look, he's talking into a mirror! heh heh heh
Dick: I wasn't! eep...
Babs: *Who* is beautiful?
Dick: You are! When you're mad and when you're calm, and awake and eating and asleep and researching and...
Bruce: *smirks.*
Dick: Bruce! Get possessed again! I need a distraction!
Bruce: Bye Dick! Have fun, you two play nice now!
Dick: What the... Hey! *call ends*
Alfred: A bit cruel, sir.
Bruce: Yes, but discretion is the better part of valour. And I've been possessed enough for one day. Give me a push so I can get up the stairs...ow...
Alfred: *Sighs*
Bruce: Do we need to hire an exorcist?
Alfred: Are you currently possessed?
Bruce: Well...no...
Alfred: Then there's your answer...
Tim: Besides, I already own The Exorcist!
Bruce: ....
Alfred: ....
Bruce: You know you're very lucky you didn't say that in front of Oracle, knowing full well we weren't talking about the movie.
Tim: Of course, I've learned my lesson there!
Bruce: You just know she would have gotten involved in the dark arts in an attempt to recreate that movie--with me as a guinea pig!
Alfred: Does Sir have issues?
Bruce: Sir does indeed.
Tim: *nods*
Bruce: Well...you try getting possessed 20 times a year by Deadman! And an intergalactic space puppy! And Zuul! Then, we'll talk!
Tim: I think you're a possession magnet.
Bruce: *Glares*
Alfred: Are we forgetting our own possessions, Master Tim?
Tim: No *winces* At least no one else gets beaten up by Cass when possessed.
Cass, delurking: Hey! At least I made it up to you later.
Tim: *blushes*
Bruce: *amused*
Alfred: *gets a twinkle in his eye*
Bruce: *scared*
Tim: Hold me--the twinkles scare me!
Bruce: Cass? Carry him away, please?
Cass: *grabs him and does so.*
Tim: *sighs*
Bruce: Well, he did ask to be held... And Alfred? Your twinkling eyes do get disturbing on occasion.
Alfred: Thank you, Master Bruce. I try. *smirks and twinkles eyes*
Bruce: *sigh* I'm going to bed. All this food is making me too tired to patrol tonight.
Alfred: Given the amount of sugar in what Master Boston ate, I'm surprised you're not bouncing off the walls, lad.
Bruce: *sigh* So much for dramatic exits....
Alfred: *Sees Batsignal and quickly closes the curtain.*
Bruce: It's a good thing I'm not needed tonight...*leaves the room.*
Elsewhere...
Gordon: Where's Batman? Arkham had a break out of everyone--again! No, not fear gas! Argh! And now zombies!
Wayne Manor:
Bruce: *Sleeping.*
Awwww :lol:
Zombies and everything else waiting for Batman to be gone. :D
Why wait? ;)
Just to mess with the GCPD. :D
Gordon: I hate this...
Renee: This isn't what I signed on for! I fight people--not zombies!
Gordon: Think of it as extracurricular activities for the police.
Renee: *equivalent of Batglare.*
Gordon: Why did he have to teach you how to do that?
Renee: He'd found a truly worthy recipient of the secret?
Gordon: *look of disbelief.*
Renee: Or he did it so often that I just picked it up?
Gordon: That's more likely.
Renee: Either way, it's all good. Except for Corrigan.
Gordon: You didn't!
Renee: No. (not yet...)
Meanwhile...
Tim: Argh! Zombies...eating me...hey! Where are you going? Don't I taste good enough for you?!
Later...
Tim: Braiiiinnnnsss....braiinnnnnssss...
Gordon: *facepalm.* *Turns Batsignal back on.*
Tim: I'm fine. Just trying to blend in.
Gordon: You picked the wrong city to do that brain-search in, boy wonder....
Tim: I'm not a zombie!
Gordon: You sure?
Tim: Positive.
Gordon: *holds a cross.*
Tim: Sir? Hate to be a spoilsport, but that only works on vampires.
Gordon: *Facepalm.* *flicks Tim with holy water*
Tim: I've already had a shower tonight, I don't need another one already. *rolls his eyes.* I said I'm not a vampire, anyway.
Gordon: Right...heh. Where's Batman tonight?
Tim: Um...sleeping?
Gordon: How can he sleep through all this?!
Tim: Pretty easy when he was possessed and ate an entire mansion's food supply.
The next night...
Gordon: Where were you?
Batman: It's been a slow night, huh?
Gordon: No...there were zombies, a breakout in Arkham, fear gas everywhere...
Batman: Why didn't you call me?
Gordon: The Batsignal was on for 3 hours. Robin told me you were sleeping off being possessed.
Batman: Heh. 20th possession by Deadman this year.
Gordon: You know what they say - you can sleep when you're Deadman.
Bruce: *groan*
Gordon: Such an odd life--without the superhero stuff!
Bruce: Oh, yes. When one has been possessed by an intergalactic puppy, one finds nothing is quite as odd.
Gordon: *stares*
Bruce: Seriously. Ask J'onn.
I think our Babs might be taking her quest for power a tad too far...
Crossover Theatre presents: Only One Ra!
Anna1: *Wonders if there will ever be a Birds Of Prey/SG-1 crossover. Wants to
see Babs as a Go'auld, and whether or not anyone would notice :D
Babs: I am Ra!
Batman: Ra's al Ghul is dead. Stop kidding around.
Babs: I shall destroy you!
Dick: What else is new?
Dick: Anyone notice Babs' eyes glowing?
Bruce: Anger. That's all it is.
Dick: But she hasn't rolled over my feet all week!
Alfred: *raises eyebrow.*
Tim: She didn't hurt you?
Dick: No. *sobs*
Tim: This is a bad thing? I mean, of course it is! This is Babs we're talking about!
Alfred: Perhaps she is possessed?
Tim: Bruce is the possession magnet, not Babs!
Cass: Mister Burns...
Tim: All right, *usually* the possession magnet...
Babs: Jaffa Kree!
Everyone: *stares*
Babs: *coughs* *attempt at innocence does not work with Go'auld.* What?
Tim: She's probably learning Klingon.
Bruce: No, no, the sentence structure is all wrong and...
Everyone: *looks at Bruce*
Bruce: What? I can have outside interests!
Dick: Learning Klingon?
Bruce:...
Well...why not? I've learned Kryptonian.
Dick: This is true. Strange..but true.
Babs: *prepares for torture with Go'auld ribbon device.*
Dick: *takes the ribbon device off her* Stop that!
Babs: Insolent wretch!
Dick: Babs, not here!
Dick: *attempts to kiss her--is punched.* OW!
Babs: *eyes glow.*
Dick: You're beautiful when you're angry.
Babs: *sighs* *echoy voice* When will you understand that I am Ra?!
Dick: Still cute.
Babs: *evil glare.*
Alfred: *facepalm* Perhaps she is not Babs, young Sir?
Dick: *studies her face* Still looks like her...
Everyone: *waits*
*waits*
Tim: Well?
Dick: Huh? Sorry, was lost in her eyes...
Everyone: *facepalm*
Babs: Well...you won't be my Jaffa. Bruce Wayne would also make a better host.
Alfred: Actually, Master Ra, he wouldn't. He is possessed every other day by Deadman, and a playful intergalactic puppy. He is host for many beings.
Babs: Good point. Will you be my First Prime?
Alfred: Hmmmm...
Bruce: Alfred... no teasing the powermad!
Alfred: Tis all in good fun, sir!
Alfred: And would it pay well?
Bruce: Alfred!
Alfred: Just seeing if there are any benefits.
Babs: Think faster...or you will be fried.
Alfred: Safer here, I believe. Thank you, anyway. *bows.*
Dick: *holds up ribbon device* Honey, what have I told you about frying people?
Babs: For the last time...
Tim: Chance would be a fine thing!
Babs: For the last time! I am *not* who you think I am! I am Ra! Why can't you understand that?!
Dick: Don't you remember that night last month?
Everyone else: TMI! TMI!
Bruce: *curiously staring* Are you Babs at all?
Babs: Truthfully, no. And I'm getting tired of this body so...if you would be kind enough to provide hosts?
Tim: What are you?
Babs: Goa'uld.
Dick: Did that explain anything to anyone?
Babs: *evil smirk.*
Tim: Oh! You're like that guy Zipacna who stayed here a few weeks ago!
Babs: Zipacna? Uncountably grander than him, but yes, he is known to me, and yes, we are of the same kind.
Tim: You've got his smirk! And who do you want as a host? You can't have Bruce! He's host to
enough things--besides, he's crazy.
Bruce: *glares*
Tim: What? It's true!
Babs: *smirks.* *thinks it will be Tim.* Perhaps...Dick?
Dick: What?!
Babs: You live to serve me, don't you?
Dick: Yes. Oh, thank goodness, you're back Babs!
Babs: *facepalm* The echoy voice and glowing eyes don't tip you off at all?
*Batcave Stargate opens. O'Neill comes through.*
Babs: Take me away from all this, O'Neill! Provide me with a new host! I beg of you!
O'Neill: Ra? Didn't we kill you?
Babs: I got better! These humans cannot tell I am not their friend.
O'Neill: Cliched evil behavior didn't tell them anything?
Babs: *shakes head.*
O'Neill: Glowing eyes? Echoing voice?
Babs/Ra: No!
O'Neill: Which one is your host's boyfriend?
Babs/Ra: *Points to Dick.*
O'Neill: None of these things tipped you off? Just what exactly is going through your mind?
Bruce: I could tell you, but then you'd have an unshakable urge to scrub your brain with soapy water.
O'Neill: *facepalm.* OK, Ra? Just for that, I'll get you another host. Pick one!
Babs: *stares* You are not attempting a trick?
O'Neill: Nope. Just pure annoyance.
Babs: *evil glare and smirk.*
Dick: Babs! You're back!
O'Neill: *facepalm.* I see what you mean.
Tim: Pathetic, isn't he?
Jack: I haven't seen anyone so hopeless since... um...
Tim: Take me with you!
Jack: Are you serious?
Tim: Well, I might as well work for the government.
Alfred: Do you need a butler?
Bruce: Need a superhero?
Babs: Need a new God? This fool tires me.
Jack: Hmm...General Hammond might be annoyed...but who cares?!
Everyone: *stares*
Jack: He was forced to take Teal'c so I don't see why not.
Alfred: *Very amused.*
Bruce: Oh, could you use a Martian?
Jack: There are Martians now?!
Bruce: Well, *Martian*. Singular.
Jack: Maybe.
Elsewhere...
J'onn: Bruce, you idiot--you shouldn't have told them about me! *facepalm.* Wha-wa-waaaaaahhh
Jack: Who are you talking to?
Bruce: The Martian.
Jack: My Favorite Martian?
Bruce: *glares* J'onn was right. I am an idiot for telling you.
Jack: Well, you said singular, so he must be *everyone*'s favourite Martian...
Tim: *glares a Batglare.*
Jack: *stares in silence.*
Tim: Bruce? It doesn't work on him.
Bruce: Can we fight the villains in costume at your base?
Jack: You want to fight Goa'ulds and wear spandex, be my guest. We could use a laugh once in a while.
Bruce: It's not spandex!
Jack: What about him? *points at Dick*
Bruce: *sigh* Yes. He wears spandex.
Babs/Ra: You people are mad. Why did I wish to take over the world, O'Neill?
Jack: I have no idea. Let's go back to the base, we'll get you out of that body, and put you in another. Then we can talk. Deal?
Babs/Ra: Deal.
Tim: Will Babs be okay?
Babs/Ra: I have seen her mind. She will be fine--and she has not been driven mad after her association with you.
Alfred: Well, as the saying goes, all's well that ends well.
Jack: Emphasis on end! Byeeeeee! *grabs Babs/Ra and runs off*
*end credits roll, film flickers off the reel*
Or is it the end?
Dick: Hey! Bring back my girlfriend! *jumps through Stargate.*
The rest: *stand around shaking their heads. Walk away.*
Jack: We were gonna! Sheesh! Well, since you're here, you'll need to sign a few forms - we don't tell your secrets, you don't tell ours. Siler'll get you the forms!
Siler: I will? Oh yeah, *forms*! Hope your writing hand's ok, fella, there's a ton of them! *Dick spends the next three hours reading and signing*
Babs/Ra: Do I get to choose my new body?
Hammond: Depends on who you want.
Babs/Ra: Tim Drake.
Hammond: Maybe... If you promise to act like a Tok'ra!
Babs/Ra: *stunned and confused look.*
Hammond: I mean...let him be in control half the time?
Babs/Ra: Sure.
Ra: *plots*
Hammond: *plots*
Jack: *bites back scathing Tok'ra commentary*
Random SF: *is blissfully unaware of upcoming name change*
This time, the end.
Context Free Theatre presents: All A Dream Again
Anna1: The writers of fanfic need to be hired by DC. They could fix everything--or just turn it into the quick fix that Dallas did.
(In other words, the last year of bad things in the comics was all a dream of Alfred's.)
Alfred: *wakes up screaming and rolls over.*
Leslie: You okay, Alfred?
Alfred: Murderer! You killed her!
Leslie: Okay...
Alfred: What are you doing here?! I thought you were in Africa.
Leslie: We're on our honeymoon. Why would I be in Africa?
Alfred: So...you killing people was all a dream? We're married?
Leslie: Yes...none of that was real.
Alfred: Oh, marvelous. *fade to black.*
Meanwhile...
Bruce: Ahhh!!!!
Leslie: Not again!
Bruce: Killer! You're a killer!
Leslie: Go back to bed. I'm not a serial killer, this isn't Africa, and I'm not wanted for a crime I didn't commit.
Bruce: Oh? Am I wanted by the GCPD?
Leslie: Probably...but not for anything other than being a vigilante.
Bruce: *stares* Who is the Commissioner?
Leslie: Jim Gordon.
Bruce: Yes! Over a year was all a dream! *dances the dance of joy.*
Leslie: Alfred? Should I call Arkham?
Alfred: *peeks in.* No, if it's anything like my dream, he can dance all night if he wants.
Leslie: You're both crazy.
Alfred: He dresses like a bat. I clean a cave. You just figured this out, Miss Leslie?
Leslie: You're both hopeless! *leaves*
Bruce: At least she's not a serial killer.
Alfred: My dream as well, Master Bruce.
Bruce: You don't think--
Alfred: Perhaps.
Bruce: Dick did this?
Alfred: Pray that his becoming a supervillain was part of our dream!
Elsewhere:
Dick: Supervillain, eh? And all I was looking for was criminal mastermind... hmmm... *thwap!* ow...
Babs: I already told you, no supervillainry. Go back to sleep.
Tim: *wakes up screaming, and runs into the middle of the room.*
Cass: *punches him, knocks him out, drags him back to bed.* Freaky boy. Cute freaky boy.
Tim: *groans and is kicked by Cass.*
Of course, if he was running in the middle of the room, where was the bed?
Tim: *runs into the middle of the room, and falls over and onto the bed* Oof!
Cass: Down, clumsy tiger!
Tim: *wakes up in pain.*
Cass: No hitting bed again--only more pain.
Tim: I'll be good. Please don't hurt me.
Cass: *evil grin.*
Tim: Oooh....I see we learned a lot about being evil from Babs.
Cass: This not a dream, by the way.
Tim: I don't know whether to be scared or very glad...
Cass: Both, boyo!
Tim: *begins singing he's so happy.*
Cass: Strange boy. Cute boy. Come to bed.
Tim: *Hops in bed and begins to bounce on it.*
Cass: *glares.*
Tim: I'll be good.
Cass: Good, because some people are clumsier than others. And others... *bounces off bed and somersaults, landing on her feet* are amazing.
Tim: Hey, I'm not clumsy... *feels look* compared to most people...
Meanwhile...
J'onn: *wakes up* Bruce? Where'd he go?
Bruce: *Cowering under the bed.*
J'onn: What is wrong?
Bruce: No more mindwiping me!
J'onn: I have not mindwiped you--and I shall not. Get out from under there.
Bruce: Promise?
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Meanwhile...
Selina: Where's Bruce?
This is why Bruce is hiding. He was with so many people--in the year that wasn't--that he's afraid they'll kill him :D
And hiding with one of the people he was with is the smart thing to do :lol:
Yes. :D Especially since J'onn can mindwipe people. By the end of it, he might want to be mindwiped after all. :lol:
His mind will be like a page that's been liquid-papered again and again and again... Maybe he'll make that observation in the comics :lol:
That would be good.
J'onn: Hmmm...*looks at him.* Hmmm...
Bruce: What?!
J'onn: Nothing...have you ever heard of a mind that looked like white-out had been used on it?
Bruce: I've been mindwiped?! Again! Fix it--FIX IT!!!!
J'onn: Ok... *forms hand into shape of giant pencil with eraser, takes eraser to Bruce's head*
Bruce: I am so taking away all your Looney Tunes tapes.
J'onn: Too late for that. The damage has been done.
Bruce: To my mind, or to yours?
J'onn: Mine. Your mind has a lot of problems. *sees scary thoughts.*
Bruce: What's wrong?
J'onn: Your mind frightens me.
Bruce: Good.
J'onn: *glares.* I'm in your mind. Don't anger me.
Bruce: I'll be good!
J'onn: Bruce... I am not River Tam. Stop thinking of her.
Bruce: I don't know what you mean!
J'onn: "I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship." I haven't even seen that episode.
Bruce: Oh. Well, I'll just giving you a little preview.
Later...
*The Watchtower.*
J'onn: Stop it, Bruce.
Bruce: *looks innocent.*
Superman: What's wrong?
J'onn: Stop thinking that!
Superman: Thinking what?
J'onn: "I am not Bruce Wayne. I am in the Watchtower. I am the Watchtower. I will throw you into space."
Superman: Do I need to call the men in white coats, J'onn?
J'onn: *glares* No!
Superman: Just as well, long-distance rates from the Moon are really eating into our budget.
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: *smirks.*
Superman: Now...which of you two is the crazy one? Oh, why do I even ask?! It's Bruce, of course. It's always Bruce.
Bruce: Crazy like a fox!
Superman: Huh?
Bruce: Robin thinks I should quote more Simpsons. Robin is also currently being thrown around the bedroom by Batgirl.
Superman: The whole Batclan is crazy.
Bruce: Like knowing this kind of thing wouldn't make you crazy?
J'onn: He has a point.
Superman: *thinks about that, and shudders.*
J'onn: *smirks.* We're scaring him.
Bruce: Fun, isn't it?
J'onn: Yes, actually.
Bruce: Want to get a bat costume?
J'onn: You're the crazy one, not me.
Bruce: We could really confuse people with two Batmen...
J'onn: Hmmm... nah.
Superman: *rolls his eyes and starts to leave.*
Bruce: Where are you going?
Superman: Home. Where it's a little more sane.
Bruce: Oh? So catching Lois as she falls off the top of the Daily Planet for the 10,000th time is sane?
Superman: Compared to you two? Yeah.
A voice: Aha! Now, I shall launch this new Baxter Building into SPACE!!
Lois: Aiiieeee catch me!....
Clark: *swoops in, catches her* You know, a simple "hello" is a more traditional way of welcoming someone home.
Lois: Just making you feel needed, dear.
Clark: One moment. *ahem* You're in the wrong city, Doom, this isn't the Baxter Building!
Doom: BAH!!
Later...
Doom: Now the Baxter Building will be shot into space! MWHAHAHAHHA!
Tim: Uh...Doom? This isn't the Baxter Building.
Doom: Then...what is it?
Cass: Wayne Manor. Baxter Building that way.
Tim: Listen to Cass, or she'll hurt you.
Doom: Grr....*leaves.*
Even later...
Batman: Doom? Get out of here!
Doom: This isn't the Baxter Building? But I shot it into space!
Batman: This was in orbit before that!
Doom: Liar!
Batman: *facepalm.*
J'onn: Allow me. Doom? This is The JLA Watchtower. This isn't even on Earth--you've overshot your mark.
Doom: Oh for crying out loud!
TwistedToyfareTheatre!Spider-Man: *facepalm, almost drops his chips*
Batman: See that? That's a satellite. Proof that we're in space.
J'onn: Go home. Take a nap. Things will be saner in the morning.
Doom: Doom shall have his revenge!
Superman: For what?
Doom: Err...for...for...I'll think of something later! But I will have my revenge! *leaves*
Batman: Well, that was different.
J'onn: Superman? I thought you went home.
Supes: Oh yeah. I got caught up in the whole thing. I'm going now. *leaves*
J'onn: Today has been weird.
Batman: We're superheroes. Every single day is weird.
J'onn: Oh?
Batman: You didn't think it was weird when we fought those tiny pink elephants that were scaring the rehab facility?
J'onn: I thought they were seeing things.
Batman: It was tiny little aliens. Easy to mistake for an alcoholic delusion.
Flash: *behind them.* *looks of confusion and fear.* So glad I wasn't here for that one. Going home now!
J'onn: Are you sure you weren't hallucinating?
Bruce: Positive. Even if I was exposed to fear gas, and laughing gas at the same time....
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: What?
J'onn: Nevermind. Go home. See whoever's hanging about. My brain hurts.
Bruce: The pink elephants were real, I tell you!
J'onn: Fine! They're real! I won't be reading your mind for a while, though.
Bruce: Even though my brain is like reading Shakespeare?
J'onn: Yes!
Dick: *Beams up.* Babs tells me there's a problem up here?
J'onn: He's seeing little pink elephants. After being exposed to gas from Scarecrow and Joker. He thinks it's real.
Dick: Sure he wasn't doing drugs?
J'onn: *facepalm.*
Bruce: I didn't mean I was seeing them right now!
Dick: Well, are you?
Bruce: NO! *looks a little scared.*
Dick: You sure?
Bruce: *watches a dancing elephant.* Positive.
Dick: Then you're good to go for patrol?
Bruce: Yeah...maybe. Oh, I hope so.
Dick: That's it. I'll be Batman tonight.
Bruce: No you can't, you don't have any costumes!
Dick: Oh no? *twirls round, when he stops his costume's changed* I'm Batman.
J'onn: Yep, got it down.
Bruce: It's the Phoenix thing. By the way? Tell the elephants to get off the curtains. I'm going to bed.
Dick: What elephants?
J'onn: What curtains?
Both: What bed?
*They hurry to prevent him from jumping out the airlock.*
Bruce: What? I'm just going for a walk. I'm Batman. I can breathe in space.
Dick: Ah, Bruce? *I'm* Batman.
Bruce: Gah! You know what I mean!
Dick: Not tonight. Tonight you're going back home, to Earth, and breathing normal air and not being outside.
Dick: Maybe Alfred should tie him up?
J'onn: Good plan.
Bruce: But I *can* breathe in space! The elephants said so!
Dick: We really need an anti-toxin for the times when Joker's and Scarecrow's gases combine.
J'onn: Agreed. Tell Leslie to make one.
Bruce: We've had that conversation before. She said the antidote is called "sleep".
J'onn: Well, go back to Earth and go to bed.
Bruce: Don't wanna.
Dick: *facepalm* This calls for a secret weapon.
Bruce: Bees? Is Quincy here?
Dick: More hallucinations, huh? No, not bees.
J'onn: Ah, your thoughts are interesting.
Dick: *calls Alfred to send someone.*
Cass: Here to take you home, Bruce.
Bruce: The elephants say to run. The ants say to hide. The bees say to fight you. What do I do?
Cass: Come closer. *knocks him out, and drags him to the teleporter.*
Dick: Good job!
Cass: Thanks! *bows theatrically* And Oracle says to either get on patrol or get home!
Dick: I'm going, I'm going! She's scary when she's angry.
Cass: *locks Bruce in the closet for the night.* Yes, she is. She's teaching me everything she knows. *evilgrins*
Dick: You're a natural. Go show Tim.
Cass: He knows! :D
Dick: Scary girl.
Cass: Thank you!
Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor's closet:
Bruce: Let me out? Please? The elephants say I'll be good!
Leslie: We'll let you out when we finish the anti-toxin!
Bruce: *snacks on some mints he finds in a jacket pocket*
Bruce: *is actually eating a sleeve since there aren't any mints.* These are good!
Leslie: What are you eating?
Bruce: Silk sleeves!
Leslie: *facepalm.* Alfred? Hurry with the anti-toxin!
Alfred: *winking at Leslie while talking to Bruce* I've taken the liberty of mixing the antidote into some water for you, Master Bruce. *opens closet* It works best if drunk quickly... yes, like that.
Bruce: I can't really tasss... *slumps over*
Leslie: Alfred you old rogue, what was that really?
Alfred: Madam, you wound me. Are you implying I'm the sort of person who'd mix sleeping pills with a good draught of vodka?
Leslie: Seeing as I can see the bottle, yes!
Alfred: Good call.
J'onn: *watching.* Ah, the Bat Clan. Home of crazy people, and those who drug them.
Alfred: Indeed.
J'onn: Just making sure he wasn't jumping out windows or anything.
Leslie: We locked him in the closet.
Bruce: *snore* *snore* *snore*
J'onn: I can hear him.
Alfred: *finishes the anti-toxin.* Oh, Master Bruce? We're coming for you.
J'onn: Are you trying to scare him?
Alfred: Yes, Master J'onn. He's scared me enough over the years--payback time. *Small grin.*
J'onn: You frighten me.
Alfred: Thank you, Sir.
Selina, entering: Alfred, I just thought I'd stop by to see if there's been any sign of Bruce?
Alfred: Just follow the sound of snoring, Miss Selina.
Selina: I did, all the way up the drive. ;)
Alfred: If you can take his rantings about little pink elephants, you may speak with him.
Selina: Pink elephants?!
Alfred: It is what happens when one is exposed to fear gas and laughing gas at the same time.
Selina: Ah, that's less confusing. *opens closet* Oh, look at him, all curled up under those coats...
Alfred: He isn't trying to eat any of them is he?
Selina: No, he's too busy snoring.
Alfred: That's all right then.
Selina: Wait. Why would he eat them?
Alfred: Insanity under the gases.
Selina: Weird.
Alfred: Here, stab him with this.
Selina: I won't kill my boyfriend!
Alfred: It's a syringe with the antidote.
Selina: Well, in that case...*Stabs Bruce.*
Bruce: *wakes* Ah! Kill the bees!
Selina: Shh... shh... no bees here, it's ok...
Bruce: What? Selina?
Selina: Hi. Long time no see.
Bruce: Is it? I don't remember. I feel kind of funny.
Selina: Oh really?
Bruce: Not that kind of funny. Like I've been out a while.
Selina: There were gasses. They knocked you out, must've wiped your memory. *winks mentally at J'onn*
Bruce: Were there bees or something?
Selina: MORE ANTIDOTE!!!!
Bruce: I mean, because it feels like I was stung.
Selina: Cancel the order for more antidote!
And because we're on a guest star kick...
Context Free Theatre presents: Renee Montoya is - Deadman!
What if... Deadman possessed Renee, or someone else in the GCPD?
It would be horrible if she was in the middle of a conversation with Two-Face and got possessed.
Now you're just tempting fate!
Renee: *comes back to normal a mile from where she was.*
Two-Face: Kiss me!
Renee: AHHH!!!
Two-Face: Not possessed anymore? Good. You did a lot while you were.
Renee: Well, that's just great! Can my life get any weirder? Don't answer that!
Capn Sawyer, 5 mins later: Montoya, what have I told you about Sticking The Boot in?
Renee: To try and cut back a little?
Daria (Renee's girlfriend--NOT the other one): You were strange earlier.
Renee: I was possessed!
Daria: Does that explain why you pinned mistletoe in every corner of every room?
Renee: Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Two-Face: Heh.
Renee: You're still here? Go away!
*watches Two-Face trudge away sadly* Awwwwwwwwwww :lol:
And now you've said which Daria it isn't, I'm hearing it all in her voice
Renee: Hey, Batman.
Batman: Are you Deadman?
Renee: No.
Batman: *trudges away sadly--and bored.* Awwwwwwwww again :lol:
Robin: Hey, there.
Renee: I'm NOT DEADMAN!!!!!
Robin: Wow. I was just going to ask if you'd seen Batman!
Renee: *points the direction he went.*
Renee: *is asked 30 more times.*
Batman: Hey....have you seen Robin?
Renee: He went that way--trying to find you.
Batman: Are---*sees glare and runs.*
It would be weird if the GCPD learned the Batglare. :D
The populace would be doomed!
Yes, and Batman could be captured if he was terrified by it. :D
Or he could set up an overpowering version....
Alfred: What did I tell you about giving away family secrets?
Bruce: Don't do it?
Alfred: That's right. And what did you do with the batglare secret?
Bruce: *shifts foot* Gave it away?
Alfred: Yes.
Bruce: But it was only to a few of the MCU. They're ok, aren't they?
Alfred: Depends on the writers, Master Bruce...
Bruce: I didn't mean to do it.
Alfred: That excuse lost its impact after you turned 5, Master Bruce.
*Tim arrives.*
Tim: Well I think I've driven Montoya insane enough for one night.
Alfred: Careful, young Sir. You may drive her to become a foe.
Tim: *imagines costume--and being attacked. shudders.*
Bruce: *shudders.*
Bruce: Do we have enough villains?
Alfred: I should hope so! So don't go brainwashing her, or making her a new Robin!
Bruce: Oooh, nice idea!
Alfred: What have I unleashed upon the world?!
And in a nearby street:
Cris: Renee, have you...
Renee: NO! I am NOT repeat NOT Deadman!!
Cris: Wow... calm down, Renee, I was just about to ask if you two have eaten already.
Renee: Oh. Yeah. Um, I'm calm...
Daria: Yes. If you were any calmer only your teeth would be clenched, instead of your whole body.
Renee: We'll see how you feel after you've been possessed--and every superhero asks if you're still Deadman.
Daria: What did you do?
Renee: Not a clue.
Cris: *remembers a strange dance on a table--does not comment.*
Tim: Time for plan B... you're thinking of making Catwoman another Robin...
Bruce: I am?
Tim: Yes. In the old costume.
Bruce: Hmmmm.... *goes into a little world of his own*
Tim: He'll be good for a couple of hours.
Alfred: Yes, Master Tim, I know. Milkshake?
Tim: Thank you!
Bruce: Hey, I want one, too! You don't get to drink those when you're dead!
Tim: And now he's Deadman. Neat.
Alfred: Indeed. Master Boston, please follow us to the kitchen.
Bruce/Boston: I can't even scare you guys? Aww...
Tim: You're trying to scare us? Boy, did you ever come to the wrong house for that!
Alfred: The lad's right. We see more and-I-quote scary happenings here in a week than most people do in two years.
Bruce/Boston: It's been a busy night. Halloween I try to possess as many people as I can. And make them think they're nuts!
Alfred: Sir, that is cruel. Fun, but cruel.
Bruce/Boston: Can I scare the bad guys tonight as Batman?
Alfred: How many times have you possessed him in the past year?
Bruce/Boston: Umm...20?
Alfred: I think that's enough for one year.
Bruce/Boston: Ahhh, Alfie, Alfie... enough is never enough! *grins*
Tim: Ok, I take it back, you *can* be creepy in this place!
Bruce/Boston: *grins more*
Tim: Ahhh... hmmmm... hold that pose... *pulls out camera phone, places call* Excuse me, Oracle? *holds phone up to grin!*
Oracle: Ahhh! My eyes! Make the grinning stop!
Tim: Sorry. Should have warned you. He's possessed by Deadman.
Oracle: Now it all makes sense.
Dick: You know, I think he planned this all along...
Tim, through gritted teeth: shut up, shut up!
Babs: Is that so, Timmy?
Bruce/Boston: Now you see why I come here so often, old chap!
Alfred: *sigh*
Bruce/Boston: Yep! I get all the food I want the more I possess Bruce here.
Dick: He doesn't pay you?
Bruce/Boston: Money's no good for a ghost, kiddo! *eats as much as he can.*
Alfred: Please don't eat so much. You'll make Master Bruce ill.
15 minutes later:
Bruce/Boston: Oog... I can hear it all sloshing around inside him...
Alfred: *facepalm.*
Bruce/Boston: Now I'll be going before Brucie here actually gets sick! Bye! *leaves him.*
Tim: Bruce? You okay?
Bruce: Ooh...I don't feel good. I also feel strangely full.
Alfred: I think a rhyme young Master Dick brought home one day might be fitting:
"Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork,
a little ham,
some icecream and some soda fizz,
and boy how sick our Mary is!"
Bruce: And?
Alfred: Mary was the very picture of restraint compared to you, sir.
Bruce: *puts his head down on the table.* Was it Boston again?
Alfred: Yes, Master Bruce.
Bruce: What was it last time? In the middle of a case?
Alfred: No, last time it was you dancing through the Watchtower, singing a few songs. J'onn mindwiped everyone who saw.
Bruce: Oooohh....
Babs: Not everyone!
Alfred: Yes, everyone.
Babs: Explain all these lovely lovely tapes I've got then!
Alfred: He couldn't mindwipe a video camera. Plus, you are always given the evidence.
Babs: *beams.*
Bruce: Don't smile so much. I hurt... Awwwwwwwwww :lol:
Alfred: Poor boy. *pats him.*
Bruce: Remind me to get revenge on Deadman.
Alfred: How will you do that, sir?
Bruce: Call the Ghostbusters....
Alfred: Sir? You do know they are fictional characters, do you not?
Babs: The next sound you hear will be the breaking of the 4th wall...
Alfred: *shakes his head.*
Bruce: Fourth wall? What are you talking about, Barbara?
Babs: Great, he's playing Mr Innocent...
Alfred: *facepalm.*
Babs: Dick? Please take all the pictures you need the next time Bruce is possessed. Everything compromising...
Bruce: Dick? Want to hide me?
Dick: Nope.
Bruce: Why not?
Dick: She's scarier than you when she's mad.
Babs: *glare.*
Dick: You're so beautiful!
Tim: Hey look, he's talking into a mirror! heh heh heh
Dick: I wasn't! eep...
Babs: *Who* is beautiful?
Dick: You are! When you're mad and when you're calm, and awake and eating and asleep and researching and...
Bruce: *smirks.*
Dick: Bruce! Get possessed again! I need a distraction!
Bruce: Bye Dick! Have fun, you two play nice now!
Dick: What the... Hey! *call ends*
Alfred: A bit cruel, sir.
Bruce: Yes, but discretion is the better part of valour. And I've been possessed enough for one day. Give me a push so I can get up the stairs...ow...
Alfred: *Sighs*
Bruce: Do we need to hire an exorcist?
Alfred: Are you currently possessed?
Bruce: Well...no...
Alfred: Then there's your answer...
Tim: Besides, I already own The Exorcist!
Bruce: ....
Alfred: ....
Bruce: You know you're very lucky you didn't say that in front of Oracle, knowing full well we weren't talking about the movie.
Tim: Of course, I've learned my lesson there!
Bruce: You just know she would have gotten involved in the dark arts in an attempt to recreate that movie--with me as a guinea pig!
Alfred: Does Sir have issues?
Bruce: Sir does indeed.
Tim: *nods*
Bruce: Well...you try getting possessed 20 times a year by Deadman! And an intergalactic space puppy! And Zuul! Then, we'll talk!
Tim: I think you're a possession magnet.
Bruce: *Glares*
Alfred: Are we forgetting our own possessions, Master Tim?
Tim: No *winces* At least no one else gets beaten up by Cass when possessed.
Cass, delurking: Hey! At least I made it up to you later.
Tim: *blushes*
Bruce: *amused*
Alfred: *gets a twinkle in his eye*
Bruce: *scared*
Tim: Hold me--the twinkles scare me!
Bruce: Cass? Carry him away, please?
Cass: *grabs him and does so.*
Tim: *sighs*
Bruce: Well, he did ask to be held... And Alfred? Your twinkling eyes do get disturbing on occasion.
Alfred: Thank you, Master Bruce. I try. *smirks and twinkles eyes*
Bruce: *sigh* I'm going to bed. All this food is making me too tired to patrol tonight.
Alfred: Given the amount of sugar in what Master Boston ate, I'm surprised you're not bouncing off the walls, lad.
Bruce: *sigh* So much for dramatic exits....
Alfred: *Sees Batsignal and quickly closes the curtain.*
Bruce: It's a good thing I'm not needed tonight...*leaves the room.*
Elsewhere...
Gordon: Where's Batman? Arkham had a break out of everyone--again! No, not fear gas! Argh! And now zombies!
Wayne Manor:
Bruce: *Sleeping.*
Awwww :lol:
Zombies and everything else waiting for Batman to be gone. :D
Why wait? ;)
Just to mess with the GCPD. :D
Gordon: I hate this...
Renee: This isn't what I signed on for! I fight people--not zombies!
Gordon: Think of it as extracurricular activities for the police.
Renee: *equivalent of Batglare.*
Gordon: Why did he have to teach you how to do that?
Renee: He'd found a truly worthy recipient of the secret?
Gordon: *look of disbelief.*
Renee: Or he did it so often that I just picked it up?
Gordon: That's more likely.
Renee: Either way, it's all good. Except for Corrigan.
Gordon: You didn't!
Renee: No. (not yet...)
Meanwhile...
Tim: Argh! Zombies...eating me...hey! Where are you going? Don't I taste good enough for you?!
Later...
Tim: Braiiiinnnnsss....braiinnnnnssss...
Gordon: *facepalm.* *Turns Batsignal back on.*
Tim: I'm fine. Just trying to blend in.
Gordon: You picked the wrong city to do that brain-search in, boy wonder....
Tim: I'm not a zombie!
Gordon: You sure?
Tim: Positive.
Gordon: *holds a cross.*
Tim: Sir? Hate to be a spoilsport, but that only works on vampires.
Gordon: *Facepalm.* *flicks Tim with holy water*
Tim: I've already had a shower tonight, I don't need another one already. *rolls his eyes.* I said I'm not a vampire, anyway.
Gordon: Right...heh. Where's Batman tonight?
Tim: Um...sleeping?
Gordon: How can he sleep through all this?!
Tim: Pretty easy when he was possessed and ate an entire mansion's food supply.
The next night...
Gordon: Where were you?
Batman: It's been a slow night, huh?
Gordon: No...there were zombies, a breakout in Arkham, fear gas everywhere...
Batman: Why didn't you call me?
Gordon: The Batsignal was on for 3 hours. Robin told me you were sleeping off being possessed.
Batman: Heh. 20th possession by Deadman this year.
Gordon: You know what they say - you can sleep when you're Deadman.
Bruce: *groan*
Gordon: Such an odd life--without the superhero stuff!
Bruce: Oh, yes. When one has been possessed by an intergalactic puppy, one finds nothing is quite as odd.
Gordon: *stares*
Bruce: Seriously. Ask J'onn.
I think our Babs might be taking her quest for power a tad too far...
Crossover Theatre presents: Only One Ra!
Anna1: *Wonders if there will ever be a Birds Of Prey/SG-1 crossover. Wants to
see Babs as a Go'auld, and whether or not anyone would notice :D
Babs: I am Ra!
Batman: Ra's al Ghul is dead. Stop kidding around.
Babs: I shall destroy you!
Dick: What else is new?
Dick: Anyone notice Babs' eyes glowing?
Bruce: Anger. That's all it is.
Dick: But she hasn't rolled over my feet all week!
Alfred: *raises eyebrow.*
Tim: She didn't hurt you?
Dick: No. *sobs*
Tim: This is a bad thing? I mean, of course it is! This is Babs we're talking about!
Alfred: Perhaps she is possessed?
Tim: Bruce is the possession magnet, not Babs!
Cass: Mister Burns...
Tim: All right, *usually* the possession magnet...
Babs: Jaffa Kree!
Everyone: *stares*
Babs: *coughs* *attempt at innocence does not work with Go'auld.* What?
Tim: She's probably learning Klingon.
Bruce: No, no, the sentence structure is all wrong and...
Everyone: *looks at Bruce*
Bruce: What? I can have outside interests!
Dick: Learning Klingon?
Bruce:...
Well...why not? I've learned Kryptonian.
Dick: This is true. Strange..but true.
Babs: *prepares for torture with Go'auld ribbon device.*
Dick: *takes the ribbon device off her* Stop that!
Babs: Insolent wretch!
Dick: Babs, not here!
Dick: *attempts to kiss her--is punched.* OW!
Babs: *eyes glow.*
Dick: You're beautiful when you're angry.
Babs: *sighs* *echoy voice* When will you understand that I am Ra?!
Dick: Still cute.
Babs: *evil glare.*
Alfred: *facepalm* Perhaps she is not Babs, young Sir?
Dick: *studies her face* Still looks like her...
Everyone: *waits*
*waits*
Tim: Well?
Dick: Huh? Sorry, was lost in her eyes...
Everyone: *facepalm*
Babs: Well...you won't be my Jaffa. Bruce Wayne would also make a better host.
Alfred: Actually, Master Ra, he wouldn't. He is possessed every other day by Deadman, and a playful intergalactic puppy. He is host for many beings.
Babs: Good point. Will you be my First Prime?
Alfred: Hmmmm...
Bruce: Alfred... no teasing the powermad!
Alfred: Tis all in good fun, sir!
Alfred: And would it pay well?
Bruce: Alfred!
Alfred: Just seeing if there are any benefits.
Babs: Think faster...or you will be fried.
Alfred: Safer here, I believe. Thank you, anyway. *bows.*
Dick: *holds up ribbon device* Honey, what have I told you about frying people?
Babs: For the last time...
Tim: Chance would be a fine thing!
Babs: For the last time! I am *not* who you think I am! I am Ra! Why can't you understand that?!
Dick: Don't you remember that night last month?
Everyone else: TMI! TMI!
Bruce: *curiously staring* Are you Babs at all?
Babs: Truthfully, no. And I'm getting tired of this body so...if you would be kind enough to provide hosts?
Tim: What are you?
Babs: Goa'uld.
Dick: Did that explain anything to anyone?
Babs: *evil smirk.*
Tim: Oh! You're like that guy Zipacna who stayed here a few weeks ago!
Babs: Zipacna? Uncountably grander than him, but yes, he is known to me, and yes, we are of the same kind.
Tim: You've got his smirk! And who do you want as a host? You can't have Bruce! He's host to
enough things--besides, he's crazy.
Bruce: *glares*
Tim: What? It's true!
Babs: *smirks.* *thinks it will be Tim.* Perhaps...Dick?
Dick: What?!
Babs: You live to serve me, don't you?
Dick: Yes. Oh, thank goodness, you're back Babs!
Babs: *facepalm* The echoy voice and glowing eyes don't tip you off at all?
*Batcave Stargate opens. O'Neill comes through.*
Babs: Take me away from all this, O'Neill! Provide me with a new host! I beg of you!
O'Neill: Ra? Didn't we kill you?
Babs: I got better! These humans cannot tell I am not their friend.
O'Neill: Cliched evil behavior didn't tell them anything?
Babs: *shakes head.*
O'Neill: Glowing eyes? Echoing voice?
Babs/Ra: No!
O'Neill: Which one is your host's boyfriend?
Babs/Ra: *Points to Dick.*
O'Neill: None of these things tipped you off? Just what exactly is going through your mind?
Bruce: I could tell you, but then you'd have an unshakable urge to scrub your brain with soapy water.
O'Neill: *facepalm.* OK, Ra? Just for that, I'll get you another host. Pick one!
Babs: *stares* You are not attempting a trick?
O'Neill: Nope. Just pure annoyance.
Babs: *evil glare and smirk.*
Dick: Babs! You're back!
O'Neill: *facepalm.* I see what you mean.
Tim: Pathetic, isn't he?
Jack: I haven't seen anyone so hopeless since... um...
Tim: Take me with you!
Jack: Are you serious?
Tim: Well, I might as well work for the government.
Alfred: Do you need a butler?
Bruce: Need a superhero?
Babs: Need a new God? This fool tires me.
Jack: Hmm...General Hammond might be annoyed...but who cares?!
Everyone: *stares*
Jack: He was forced to take Teal'c so I don't see why not.
Alfred: *Very amused.*
Bruce: Oh, could you use a Martian?
Jack: There are Martians now?!
Bruce: Well, *Martian*. Singular.
Jack: Maybe.
Elsewhere...
J'onn: Bruce, you idiot--you shouldn't have told them about me! *facepalm.* Wha-wa-waaaaaahhh
Jack: Who are you talking to?
Bruce: The Martian.
Jack: My Favorite Martian?
Bruce: *glares* J'onn was right. I am an idiot for telling you.
Jack: Well, you said singular, so he must be *everyone*'s favourite Martian...
Tim: *glares a Batglare.*
Jack: *stares in silence.*
Tim: Bruce? It doesn't work on him.
Bruce: Can we fight the villains in costume at your base?
Jack: You want to fight Goa'ulds and wear spandex, be my guest. We could use a laugh once in a while.
Bruce: It's not spandex!
Jack: What about him? *points at Dick*
Bruce: *sigh* Yes. He wears spandex.
Babs/Ra: You people are mad. Why did I wish to take over the world, O'Neill?
Jack: I have no idea. Let's go back to the base, we'll get you out of that body, and put you in another. Then we can talk. Deal?
Babs/Ra: Deal.
Tim: Will Babs be okay?
Babs/Ra: I have seen her mind. She will be fine--and she has not been driven mad after her association with you.
Alfred: Well, as the saying goes, all's well that ends well.
Jack: Emphasis on end! Byeeeeee! *grabs Babs/Ra and runs off*
*end credits roll, film flickers off the reel*
Or is it the end?
Dick: Hey! Bring back my girlfriend! *jumps through Stargate.*
The rest: *stand around shaking their heads. Walk away.*
Jack: We were gonna! Sheesh! Well, since you're here, you'll need to sign a few forms - we don't tell your secrets, you don't tell ours. Siler'll get you the forms!
Siler: I will? Oh yeah, *forms*! Hope your writing hand's ok, fella, there's a ton of them! *Dick spends the next three hours reading and signing*
Babs/Ra: Do I get to choose my new body?
Hammond: Depends on who you want.
Babs/Ra: Tim Drake.
Hammond: Maybe... If you promise to act like a Tok'ra!
Babs/Ra: *stunned and confused look.*
Hammond: I mean...let him be in control half the time?
Babs/Ra: Sure.
Ra: *plots*
Hammond: *plots*
Jack: *bites back scathing Tok'ra commentary*
Random SF: *is blissfully unaware of upcoming name change*
This time, the end.
