Context Free Theatre!
Aug. 13th, 2005 08:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seandcOnce more, talking with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
faith_of_borg, this time about a fanfic dealing with an unusual situation and the comics (specifically Batman losing control in Hush and The Nail) and we return to the world of Context Free Theatre! With squick warning, though.
Context Free Theatre presents: The Bat, The Doctor, and the Parallel Universes
(um... not that Doctor, we mean Leslie)
Anna1 (09:30 PM) :
I'm surprised that Jim isn't constantly watching him, and threatening him
with that gun. :lol:
Since Batman nearly gets out of line a lot...
Sean DC (09:31 PM) :
Maybe he is...
Anna1 (09:32 PM) :
He's lurking in the cave and watching? :lol:
Jim: Hello, Batman.
Batman: *Nearly has a heart attack.* How did you get here?!
Jim: Well...I lurk.
Batman: That's my line!
Jim: As long as you swear to never start dating Leslie? It's going to stay your line. I'm from the future.
Batman: *stunned look.*
Jim: Not really, I just wanted to see your reaction.
Batman: Oh, what a bleak and disturbing future you live in...
Jim: Alternate reality, to be precise. Actually, it's a wonderful and happy place. You smile a lot.
Batman: *Raises eyebrow.*
Jim: It's as scary as it sounds.
Batman: *calls Dick.*
Dick: Yes? What's wrong, Bruce?
Batman: First of all, how do you know it's me? And second: What would your reaction be if I married Leslie?
Dick: To the first question: Caller ID. To the second: The next sound you hear will be me collapsing to the floor as I have a nervous breakdown, followed by a stroke. *Phone drops to floor.*
Babs: Bruce, you broke him! That's my job!!
Batman: Sorry. In an alternate reality I married Leslie, and I just wanted to share the pain and horror.
Babs: You...and...Leslie?! Gah!
Babs: Call Leslie and tell her you're married to her. *evil grin.*
Batman: Is there no limit to your evil creepiness?
Babs: Nope.
Dick: *from floor* And I can confirm it!
Babs: Quiet you! *throws self from chair and lands on him*
Nightwing, spun over by impact: ow... sowwy...
Babs: I should hope so... especially since I'm not the creepiest one in this conversation...
Meanwhile, Bruce: Two creeped out... oh, TIM!
Jim: You truly are evil... no wonder my Alfred went after you with a lirpa...
Bruce: Should I ask?
Jim: No, you probably shouldn't.
Tim: Yes? What's Jim doing here?
Bruce: Important question first: Did you know I married Leslie? She considered it when I was a child, apparently?
Tim: You...Leslie...what....heart...stopping...erk!
Jim: I think you killed him.
Bruce: I can always find another Robin. What about Stephanie?
Tim: Not dead! Just resting....oh, the floor is wonderful...
Tim: Oh, I think I've discovered a new superpower, just in time to get away from you... byeeeeee *phases through floor*
Bruce: That will come in handy whenever he fights The Joker. No more crowbars--unless he phases through them.
Bruce: Who next?
Jim: Lucius Fox?
Bruce: NO! He's had one stroke this year, he doesn't need another.
Jim: *Thinks* Superman?
Bruce: Wonderful idea.
Jim: You know something? I think you really are evil...
Supes: *swish* Someone say my name?
Batman: Clark, did you know...
Supes: That an alternate version of you in the Commissioner's dimension is married to the good doctor Thompkins? And that you're trying to freak everyone out with the knowledge?
Batman, Jim:....
Supes: Superhearing has it's advantages... and love should be celebrated!
Especially... the pursuit!
Jim: *raises eyebrow*
Batman: Oh no you don't...
Supes: Oh yes I do... :D
Batman: NO! Not again!
Superman: *Chases him around the cave.*
Batman: Help!
Superman: You broke Dick and Tim--Alfred's upstairs. Babs is watching, and very amused. Nobody will help.
Batman: Fly me to Alfred! Let me tell him!
Superman: And then?
Batman: You may resume your chasing of me around the cave. Possibly even the mansion.
Superman: You make it sound so clinical.
Batman: Thank you. And?
Superman: I'll take you to Alfred.
Jim: Help? Ok... *finds the right button on the computer* Barbara? It's... well, it's kind of your dad... can you pick up?
Babs: *c'mon, Dick, it'll be quicker if you carry me there....* Hi other dimensional Dad!
Jim: Barbara, if you're like the you in my universe...
Babs: The Benny Hill music again?
Jim: Well, yes! I've got just the right atmosphere in here for it... high speed chasing!
Babs and Dick: *snort!*
Babs: In every world, my father is the same. Should this scare me?
Dick: Nah. It would be worse if Batman had adopted you in that other world. Then, we'd be other universe brother and sister.
Babs: That's it! No more Passions for you!
Dick: NOOOO!!!!
Babs: YES!
Dick: But I wanna see it!
Babs: You are a very strange boyfriend.
Jim: Ain't that the truth... I'm glad I can pass this off to the other me...
Dick: Oh, I'm just the same in all the dimensions...
~~~
Jim's World's Dick: HEY! *feels the other Babs' look* Just the craziest
feeling like someone was just really messing things up for me...
~~~
Kurt: Mein Gott! Wait, I wasn't saying anything just then, was I...
Rachel, eye-mark glowing: No... and I felt it too...
Jim: So many universes, so little time...
Bruce: What was that? Do I need to stick you in Arkham?
Jim: No...just talking to all the different universes versions of your boy. Did you know that in one he can teleport, looks like a demon, and is still in the circus?
Bruce: *raises eyebrow* Clark?
Superman: Yes?
Bruce: Hurry! Fly me to Alfred, before this conversation takes an even stranger turn...
Rachel: It's still happening...
Kurt: Ja. My ears...
~~~
JWDick: ...verbrennen... I mean, my ears are burning...
~~~
Babs: Awww, spoilsport...
Bruce: *hears the other reality.*
Superman: What's wrong?
Bruce: Maybe I need to go to Arkham...I'm hearing voices...
Jim: Nah, that's just my little device that's programmed into the other realities. You're not crazy. Well....not completely. Maybe.
Bruce: How comforting. Clark?
Superman: Yes?
Bruce: To Alfred! At superspeed, before anything else happens.
Superman: Yes, Master Bruce.
Bruce: Clark? Never say that again. It's scary, and I've had to deal with Alfred getting stuck in another body enough for one lifetime!
Superman: Should I ask? Sorry. Superspeed to Alfred coming right up!
Jim: Master Bruce?! Now I've heard it all!
Jim, Babs, Dick, JWDick, JWBabs, Kurt, Rachel: *laughing their heads off*
Bruce: Now look what you've done.
Clark: I said I was sorry...
Bruce: You know Oracle is recording all this.
Clark: Really? *look of pure innocence*
Bruce: Blackmail. She can edit it to some other reason you're calling me Master. *evil grin.*
Superman: Blackmail? Who would you tell? Wait...Lois? Stop looking like that! What's with the creepy grin! Stop it!
Bruce: Thanks for the idea, old pal!
Superman: *gulp!* Maybe...I should fly you up to Alfred now?
Bruce: *creepy grin continues.*
Superman: You're really starting to creep me out. Have you been recently infected by The Joker?
Bruce: *creepy grin for 5 more seconds.* No, but I've learned the
creepiness factor can be fun.
Superman: *quietly scoops him up and goes flying up the stairs.*
Alfred: Ah, Master Bruce. And Master Clark! You look... well, if I may be quite honest, sir, you look... broken...
Bruce: :picture of innocence*
Alfred: And I always know when you have been speaking with Master Bruce. The brokenness is a good telling of that.
Superman: Alfred?
Alfred: Yes, Master Clark?
Superman: May I have some tea? Oh, and Bruce also broke Dick and Tim. And Tim seems to be a meta.
Alfred: What would Master Timothy's power be, Master Clark?
Superman: Phasing through objects.
Alfred: Master Bruce shall be happy with that. Once he gets over the metas are evil phase. What was the purpose of your flying Master Bruce up here?
Bruce: I'm standing right here!
Alfred: Yes, you are, Sir. *pats his head.* *continues talking to Clark.*
Bruce: No respect... no respect I tells ya...
Clark: Oh, I think this would sound much better coming from Ma...um, Bruce.
Alfred: Have you two finally become an item?
*shocked gasps and then a general rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb from Dick, Babs, and Bruce.*
Alfred: Apparently not.
Bruce: On that...completely mind-bending statement, I think I'll leave.
Alfred: You cannot, Sir. You must tell me what you were going to.
Bruce: I married Leslie.
Alfred: *stunned silence.*
Bruce: Well...in another world, after she turned 30 again.
Alfred: *silence continues.*
Superman: Did we kill him?
Jim, shouting up: Not yet!
Clark: Thanks Commissioner! And hey, since when do you have superhearing?
Jim: I don't need it, I have my alterna-daughter to count on!
Bruce: *pokes Alfred.* And what does Jim mean by not yet?!
Alfred: *scarily quiet.*
Superman: *pokes Alfred to see if he'll react.
Alfred: *stares.*
Bruce: I think we killed him.
Alfred: Not...yet....
Babs: Um, "Dad", if you have your dimension jump thing handy, it might be a good idea to warm it up... Bruce may need it...
Alfred: You... married Leslie?
Bruce: That's what the other universe's Jim said.
Alfred: M... Leslie Thompkins?
Bruce: Yes.
Alfred: The same...
Bruce: Yes... she was all youngified at the time...
Alfred: And... and that makes it all right? You, and Leslie...
Bruce: No, that makes it creepy.
Alfred: Indeed it does, Sir.
Bruce: What's creepier? The fact that she had feelings for me since she first saw me?
Alfred: She first laid eyes on you when you were 3 years old, Sir. That is more than creepy.
Bruce: No, wait. She had feelings from me starting when I was 8.
Alfred: Better, yet worse.
Bruce: Do you want to kill that world's me? He's apparently a happy man. A scary happy man.
Alfred: *stands to get his rifle.*
Bruce: So...you're going to that universe to kill me? Get Jim to take you.
Jim: It's a small world after all.
Bruce: Say it again, and he won't be the only one to die in that universe!
Jim: Wow, you are all certainly touchy in this universe... STOP THAT THIS UNIVERSE'S BOY WONDER!...
Dick: ...ow... put down much?
Babs: :P
Jim: As I was saying... threats over a song? At least the Alfreds have a reason...
Bruce: No happy singing of Disney songs in this world.
Dick: Hey, why did you want to break my mind?
Bruce: Share the pain. Share the mind-bending insanity.
Dick: I got over it.
Bruce: Really? That was fast.
Babs: *whispers in Dick's ear.*
Dick: *Quickly broken and crying in the corner.*
Bruce: Should I ask what you said to him?
Babs: Probably not.
Clark, helpfully: Hey, hasn't Passions just finished on the tv?
Bruce: He must have missed it. Or Babs got a few plot points from the writers...
Clark: Think we should follow Alfred, and see what he does to you?
Bruce: Yes, let's.
Clark: *holds out arm for Bruce to take. They follow arm-in-arm.*
Bruce: Why are we walking like this?
Clark: No idea. You're being strange?
Bruce: Probably. So...you can let go now?
Clark: Right.
Bruce: We shall never speak of this again.
Clark: *Quietly* Blackmail.
Bruce: *while smiling.* I still have Kryptonite, you know.
Clark: No blackmail. What blackmail? Who said blackmail?
Dick: They're gone, we can sing!
o/"Understand we'll go hand in hand
But we'll walk alone in fear
Where do we go, from here?
Babs: To the mansion... someone needs to let Tim know it's safe now...
plus I need to get at the computer before Bruce deletes anything!
Tim: *pops out of the wall.*
Dick: *Screams.* Did he kill you?!
Tim: What? No, I'm just a meta.
Dick: Oh...you'd make an even better ninja now, little brother.
Tim: Sweeeet... *starts looking around for dragons*
Tim: Think I could scare a few people to death? Like The Joker?
Babs: Tim...
Tim: What? I was just going to pretend to be Jason, let the guy swing the crowbar a little, and when it goes through me? Say "Boo!"
Dick: Good plan. How will you explain how The Joker was killed to Bruce?
Tim: .... he slipped.
Dick: How does that explain the horrified look?
Tim: Scarecrow?
Dick: That's...a good excuse, actually.
Tim: I probably need to borrow some fear gas, and inject it in him once he's dead.
Dick: Why?!
Tim: Bruce will check his blood for any residual traces. It needs to be there to conclusively prove it was Scarecrow.
Babs: He's got us there.
Babs: Would you two like some big handlebar moustaches to twirl while you plot?
Dick: Hmmmm...
Tim: Sounds good!
Babs: *sigh*
Tim: Does anyone else think I'm incredibly scary?
Dick: Yeah, a little. You're a criminal mastermind in my eyes.
Tim: Want to help me practice my evil laugh?
Dick: Sure!
*evil laughter competition commences.*
Babs: *sighs again.*
Tim: Babs! I'll need a new codename when he fires me for killing Joker! I need something scary. Raven has been taken.
Babs: *weird look* I'm surrounded by crazy people.
Cass, arriving: I heard you from the other wing of the house. What's so funny?
Tim: We're having an evil laugh contest!
Babs: Want to hear mine?
Cass: Ok.
Babs: *rolls over Dick's feet, and laughs!*
*Sounds of screams are heard.*
Cass: You win the contest.
Dick: Back to the codename. Shadowcat?
Tim: Something that *won't* get me mistaken for Catwoman!
*Selina arrives...*
Selina: I heard that!
Tim: Uh...Bruce is marrying Leslie!
Selina: What?!
Tim: In an alternate reality. Bruce and Alfred went to go kill the other universes Bruce.
In a certain other universe:
Kitty: Ray!
Rachel: *points at eye* I know, Pryde...
Kitty: Why do I suddenly have a feeling to make a costume to go with the name?
Rachel: Something you heard? Just don't let a certain someone in on that thought, we'll never hear the end of it...
Kitty: Hmmm... does Piotr...
Rachel: Pry-y-yde!
Babs: *stares* I think you need to think of a better name.
Selina: Agreed. And why am I hearing voices?
Babs: We're in the center of a temporal disturbance that is situated in the cave.
Selina: Right. That explains a lot.
Tim: Uh...guys! Names?!
Meanwhile...
Clark: *Chases Bruce around the alternate reality Batcave.*
Bruce: Would you stop that?!
Clark: It's tradition!
Bruce: Not in this universe, I'd imagine... hello, married to Leslie.
Jim: Well, actually, until Doctor Thompkins' experiment....
Clark: I like this Commissioner! Can we take him back with us?
Bruce: No! There would be two too many in our world. It would cause a paradox leading to the erosion of time itself!
Clark: I see you watched the Back to the Future DVD set I bought you.
Bruce: Yeah.
Alfred: Ahem. The reason we are here, Sirs?
Bruce: Right. I'll leave you to it, then.
Alfred: *raised eyebrow*
Bruce: Sorry. You're the one who usually says that.
Clark: *amused* Sorry.
*suddenly, a bottle smashes on a nearby wall, with a slurred "Rack off!"*
Alfred: You don't think that's...
Clark: ...you. I think so.
*JWAlfred appears, swaying and carrying a lirpa*
JWAlfred: I thought I told you... *sees Bruce* YOU! *rushes the group*
Superman: *stops him* Steady on, old chap!
Alfred: ALFRED PENNYWORTH! FOR SHAME!
JWAlfred: Letmeathim! Let me... what? Me? But, I'm me!...
Alfred: And I for one wish you weren't! Good Lord, man! What kind of state do you call this to be in?
JWAlfred: It's called "drunk", uptight me. Drunk, hopeless...
Alfred: Rot.
JWAlfred: Not. It's all over, you see. She married... he married... after all I've done....
...blast...
Bruce: *tries not to cringe at the thought of two Alfreds.*
JWAlfred: You're not married to my Leslie?
Bruce: No...she's more of a Mother.
Alfred: So, you finally admit that it's how you think of her!
Bruce: Yeah, yeah. When we get back to our world, you can have it in writing..Dad!
Alfred: Never call me that again. It doesn't work, *Master* Bruce.
Superman: *Amused again. Is hit in the head by a bottle of vodka from JWAlfred.* Ow.
Jim: It's never this bad in this world. Except for what you know...
Bruce: Kryptonite in that vodka?
Superman: I doubt it. Just surprised to have a bottle thrown at me!
Bruce: *sighs* Would it make you feel better if you chased me around the table again?
Jim: *leans over to Alfred.* This happen a lot in your world?
Alfred: Indeed.
JWAlfred: Never here.
JWBabs: *snork*
JWAlfred: Something amusing, Miss Barbara?
JWBabs: No, nothing, nothing at all, Alfred...
JWDick, on phone: Yes, Miss Lane, I know he is, but he's also here, in Gotham... and you're not going to believe the footage...
Bruce: In every universe, you're blackmailed! I love it!
Superman: Thanks a lot!
Elsewhere, Lois watches the footage...
JWLois: What are you doing?!
JWClark: That's not me, since I'm here.
The end for now...
faith_of_borg, this time about a fanfic dealing with an unusual situation and the comics (specifically Batman losing control in Hush and The Nail) and we return to the world of Context Free Theatre! With squick warning, though.Context Free Theatre presents: The Bat, The Doctor, and the Parallel Universes
(um... not that Doctor, we mean Leslie)
Anna1 (09:30 PM) :
I'm surprised that Jim isn't constantly watching him, and threatening him
with that gun. :lol:
Since Batman nearly gets out of line a lot...
Sean DC (09:31 PM) :
Maybe he is...
Anna1 (09:32 PM) :
He's lurking in the cave and watching? :lol:
Jim: Hello, Batman.
Batman: *Nearly has a heart attack.* How did you get here?!
Jim: Well...I lurk.
Batman: That's my line!
Jim: As long as you swear to never start dating Leslie? It's going to stay your line. I'm from the future.
Batman: *stunned look.*
Jim: Not really, I just wanted to see your reaction.
Batman: Oh, what a bleak and disturbing future you live in...
Jim: Alternate reality, to be precise. Actually, it's a wonderful and happy place. You smile a lot.
Batman: *Raises eyebrow.*
Jim: It's as scary as it sounds.
Batman: *calls Dick.*
Dick: Yes? What's wrong, Bruce?
Batman: First of all, how do you know it's me? And second: What would your reaction be if I married Leslie?
Dick: To the first question: Caller ID. To the second: The next sound you hear will be me collapsing to the floor as I have a nervous breakdown, followed by a stroke. *Phone drops to floor.*
Babs: Bruce, you broke him! That's my job!!
Batman: Sorry. In an alternate reality I married Leslie, and I just wanted to share the pain and horror.
Babs: You...and...Leslie?! Gah!
Babs: Call Leslie and tell her you're married to her. *evil grin.*
Batman: Is there no limit to your evil creepiness?
Babs: Nope.
Dick: *from floor* And I can confirm it!
Babs: Quiet you! *throws self from chair and lands on him*
Nightwing, spun over by impact: ow... sowwy...
Babs: I should hope so... especially since I'm not the creepiest one in this conversation...
Meanwhile, Bruce: Two creeped out... oh, TIM!
Jim: You truly are evil... no wonder my Alfred went after you with a lirpa...
Bruce: Should I ask?
Jim: No, you probably shouldn't.
Tim: Yes? What's Jim doing here?
Bruce: Important question first: Did you know I married Leslie? She considered it when I was a child, apparently?
Tim: You...Leslie...what....heart...stopping...erk!
Jim: I think you killed him.
Bruce: I can always find another Robin. What about Stephanie?
Tim: Not dead! Just resting....oh, the floor is wonderful...
Tim: Oh, I think I've discovered a new superpower, just in time to get away from you... byeeeeee *phases through floor*
Bruce: That will come in handy whenever he fights The Joker. No more crowbars--unless he phases through them.
Bruce: Who next?
Jim: Lucius Fox?
Bruce: NO! He's had one stroke this year, he doesn't need another.
Jim: *Thinks* Superman?
Bruce: Wonderful idea.
Jim: You know something? I think you really are evil...
Supes: *swish* Someone say my name?
Batman: Clark, did you know...
Supes: That an alternate version of you in the Commissioner's dimension is married to the good doctor Thompkins? And that you're trying to freak everyone out with the knowledge?
Batman, Jim:....
Supes: Superhearing has it's advantages... and love should be celebrated!
Especially... the pursuit!
Jim: *raises eyebrow*
Batman: Oh no you don't...
Supes: Oh yes I do... :D
Batman: NO! Not again!
Superman: *Chases him around the cave.*
Batman: Help!
Superman: You broke Dick and Tim--Alfred's upstairs. Babs is watching, and very amused. Nobody will help.
Batman: Fly me to Alfred! Let me tell him!
Superman: And then?
Batman: You may resume your chasing of me around the cave. Possibly even the mansion.
Superman: You make it sound so clinical.
Batman: Thank you. And?
Superman: I'll take you to Alfred.
Jim: Help? Ok... *finds the right button on the computer* Barbara? It's... well, it's kind of your dad... can you pick up?
Babs: *c'mon, Dick, it'll be quicker if you carry me there....* Hi other dimensional Dad!
Jim: Barbara, if you're like the you in my universe...
Babs: The Benny Hill music again?
Jim: Well, yes! I've got just the right atmosphere in here for it... high speed chasing!
Babs and Dick: *snort!*
Babs: In every world, my father is the same. Should this scare me?
Dick: Nah. It would be worse if Batman had adopted you in that other world. Then, we'd be other universe brother and sister.
Babs: That's it! No more Passions for you!
Dick: NOOOO!!!!
Babs: YES!
Dick: But I wanna see it!
Babs: You are a very strange boyfriend.
Jim: Ain't that the truth... I'm glad I can pass this off to the other me...
Dick: Oh, I'm just the same in all the dimensions...
~~~
Jim's World's Dick: HEY! *feels the other Babs' look* Just the craziest
feeling like someone was just really messing things up for me...
~~~
Kurt: Mein Gott! Wait, I wasn't saying anything just then, was I...
Rachel, eye-mark glowing: No... and I felt it too...
Jim: So many universes, so little time...
Bruce: What was that? Do I need to stick you in Arkham?
Jim: No...just talking to all the different universes versions of your boy. Did you know that in one he can teleport, looks like a demon, and is still in the circus?
Bruce: *raises eyebrow* Clark?
Superman: Yes?
Bruce: Hurry! Fly me to Alfred, before this conversation takes an even stranger turn...
Rachel: It's still happening...
Kurt: Ja. My ears...
~~~
JWDick: ...verbrennen... I mean, my ears are burning...
~~~
Babs: Awww, spoilsport...
Bruce: *hears the other reality.*
Superman: What's wrong?
Bruce: Maybe I need to go to Arkham...I'm hearing voices...
Jim: Nah, that's just my little device that's programmed into the other realities. You're not crazy. Well....not completely. Maybe.
Bruce: How comforting. Clark?
Superman: Yes?
Bruce: To Alfred! At superspeed, before anything else happens.
Superman: Yes, Master Bruce.
Bruce: Clark? Never say that again. It's scary, and I've had to deal with Alfred getting stuck in another body enough for one lifetime!
Superman: Should I ask? Sorry. Superspeed to Alfred coming right up!
Jim: Master Bruce?! Now I've heard it all!
Jim, Babs, Dick, JWDick, JWBabs, Kurt, Rachel: *laughing their heads off*
Bruce: Now look what you've done.
Clark: I said I was sorry...
Bruce: You know Oracle is recording all this.
Clark: Really? *look of pure innocence*
Bruce: Blackmail. She can edit it to some other reason you're calling me Master. *evil grin.*
Superman: Blackmail? Who would you tell? Wait...Lois? Stop looking like that! What's with the creepy grin! Stop it!
Bruce: Thanks for the idea, old pal!
Superman: *gulp!* Maybe...I should fly you up to Alfred now?
Bruce: *creepy grin continues.*
Superman: You're really starting to creep me out. Have you been recently infected by The Joker?
Bruce: *creepy grin for 5 more seconds.* No, but I've learned the
creepiness factor can be fun.
Superman: *quietly scoops him up and goes flying up the stairs.*
Alfred: Ah, Master Bruce. And Master Clark! You look... well, if I may be quite honest, sir, you look... broken...
Bruce: :picture of innocence*
Alfred: And I always know when you have been speaking with Master Bruce. The brokenness is a good telling of that.
Superman: Alfred?
Alfred: Yes, Master Clark?
Superman: May I have some tea? Oh, and Bruce also broke Dick and Tim. And Tim seems to be a meta.
Alfred: What would Master Timothy's power be, Master Clark?
Superman: Phasing through objects.
Alfred: Master Bruce shall be happy with that. Once he gets over the metas are evil phase. What was the purpose of your flying Master Bruce up here?
Bruce: I'm standing right here!
Alfred: Yes, you are, Sir. *pats his head.* *continues talking to Clark.*
Bruce: No respect... no respect I tells ya...
Clark: Oh, I think this would sound much better coming from Ma...um, Bruce.
Alfred: Have you two finally become an item?
*shocked gasps and then a general rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb from Dick, Babs, and Bruce.*
Alfred: Apparently not.
Bruce: On that...completely mind-bending statement, I think I'll leave.
Alfred: You cannot, Sir. You must tell me what you were going to.
Bruce: I married Leslie.
Alfred: *stunned silence.*
Bruce: Well...in another world, after she turned 30 again.
Alfred: *silence continues.*
Superman: Did we kill him?
Jim, shouting up: Not yet!
Clark: Thanks Commissioner! And hey, since when do you have superhearing?
Jim: I don't need it, I have my alterna-daughter to count on!
Bruce: *pokes Alfred.* And what does Jim mean by not yet?!
Alfred: *scarily quiet.*
Superman: *pokes Alfred to see if he'll react.
Alfred: *stares.*
Bruce: I think we killed him.
Alfred: Not...yet....
Babs: Um, "Dad", if you have your dimension jump thing handy, it might be a good idea to warm it up... Bruce may need it...
Alfred: You... married Leslie?
Bruce: That's what the other universe's Jim said.
Alfred: M... Leslie Thompkins?
Bruce: Yes.
Alfred: The same...
Bruce: Yes... she was all youngified at the time...
Alfred: And... and that makes it all right? You, and Leslie...
Bruce: No, that makes it creepy.
Alfred: Indeed it does, Sir.
Bruce: What's creepier? The fact that she had feelings for me since she first saw me?
Alfred: She first laid eyes on you when you were 3 years old, Sir. That is more than creepy.
Bruce: No, wait. She had feelings from me starting when I was 8.
Alfred: Better, yet worse.
Bruce: Do you want to kill that world's me? He's apparently a happy man. A scary happy man.
Alfred: *stands to get his rifle.*
Bruce: So...you're going to that universe to kill me? Get Jim to take you.
Jim: It's a small world after all.
Bruce: Say it again, and he won't be the only one to die in that universe!
Jim: Wow, you are all certainly touchy in this universe... STOP THAT THIS UNIVERSE'S BOY WONDER!...
Dick: ...ow... put down much?
Babs: :P
Jim: As I was saying... threats over a song? At least the Alfreds have a reason...
Bruce: No happy singing of Disney songs in this world.
Dick: Hey, why did you want to break my mind?
Bruce: Share the pain. Share the mind-bending insanity.
Dick: I got over it.
Bruce: Really? That was fast.
Babs: *whispers in Dick's ear.*
Dick: *Quickly broken and crying in the corner.*
Bruce: Should I ask what you said to him?
Babs: Probably not.
Clark, helpfully: Hey, hasn't Passions just finished on the tv?
Bruce: He must have missed it. Or Babs got a few plot points from the writers...
Clark: Think we should follow Alfred, and see what he does to you?
Bruce: Yes, let's.
Clark: *holds out arm for Bruce to take. They follow arm-in-arm.*
Bruce: Why are we walking like this?
Clark: No idea. You're being strange?
Bruce: Probably. So...you can let go now?
Clark: Right.
Bruce: We shall never speak of this again.
Clark: *Quietly* Blackmail.
Bruce: *while smiling.* I still have Kryptonite, you know.
Clark: No blackmail. What blackmail? Who said blackmail?
Dick: They're gone, we can sing!
o/"Understand we'll go hand in hand
But we'll walk alone in fear
Where do we go, from here?
Babs: To the mansion... someone needs to let Tim know it's safe now...
plus I need to get at the computer before Bruce deletes anything!
Tim: *pops out of the wall.*
Dick: *Screams.* Did he kill you?!
Tim: What? No, I'm just a meta.
Dick: Oh...you'd make an even better ninja now, little brother.
Tim: Sweeeet... *starts looking around for dragons*
Tim: Think I could scare a few people to death? Like The Joker?
Babs: Tim...
Tim: What? I was just going to pretend to be Jason, let the guy swing the crowbar a little, and when it goes through me? Say "Boo!"
Dick: Good plan. How will you explain how The Joker was killed to Bruce?
Tim: .... he slipped.
Dick: How does that explain the horrified look?
Tim: Scarecrow?
Dick: That's...a good excuse, actually.
Tim: I probably need to borrow some fear gas, and inject it in him once he's dead.
Dick: Why?!
Tim: Bruce will check his blood for any residual traces. It needs to be there to conclusively prove it was Scarecrow.
Babs: He's got us there.
Babs: Would you two like some big handlebar moustaches to twirl while you plot?
Dick: Hmmmm...
Tim: Sounds good!
Babs: *sigh*
Tim: Does anyone else think I'm incredibly scary?
Dick: Yeah, a little. You're a criminal mastermind in my eyes.
Tim: Want to help me practice my evil laugh?
Dick: Sure!
*evil laughter competition commences.*
Babs: *sighs again.*
Tim: Babs! I'll need a new codename when he fires me for killing Joker! I need something scary. Raven has been taken.
Babs: *weird look* I'm surrounded by crazy people.
Cass, arriving: I heard you from the other wing of the house. What's so funny?
Tim: We're having an evil laugh contest!
Babs: Want to hear mine?
Cass: Ok.
Babs: *rolls over Dick's feet, and laughs!*
*Sounds of screams are heard.*
Cass: You win the contest.
Dick: Back to the codename. Shadowcat?
Tim: Something that *won't* get me mistaken for Catwoman!
*Selina arrives...*
Selina: I heard that!
Tim: Uh...Bruce is marrying Leslie!
Selina: What?!
Tim: In an alternate reality. Bruce and Alfred went to go kill the other universes Bruce.
In a certain other universe:
Kitty: Ray!
Rachel: *points at eye* I know, Pryde...
Kitty: Why do I suddenly have a feeling to make a costume to go with the name?
Rachel: Something you heard? Just don't let a certain someone in on that thought, we'll never hear the end of it...
Kitty: Hmmm... does Piotr...
Rachel: Pry-y-yde!
Babs: *stares* I think you need to think of a better name.
Selina: Agreed. And why am I hearing voices?
Babs: We're in the center of a temporal disturbance that is situated in the cave.
Selina: Right. That explains a lot.
Tim: Uh...guys! Names?!
Meanwhile...
Clark: *Chases Bruce around the alternate reality Batcave.*
Bruce: Would you stop that?!
Clark: It's tradition!
Bruce: Not in this universe, I'd imagine... hello, married to Leslie.
Jim: Well, actually, until Doctor Thompkins' experiment....
Clark: I like this Commissioner! Can we take him back with us?
Bruce: No! There would be two too many in our world. It would cause a paradox leading to the erosion of time itself!
Clark: I see you watched the Back to the Future DVD set I bought you.
Bruce: Yeah.
Alfred: Ahem. The reason we are here, Sirs?
Bruce: Right. I'll leave you to it, then.
Alfred: *raised eyebrow*
Bruce: Sorry. You're the one who usually says that.
Clark: *amused* Sorry.
*suddenly, a bottle smashes on a nearby wall, with a slurred "Rack off!"*
Alfred: You don't think that's...
Clark: ...you. I think so.
*JWAlfred appears, swaying and carrying a lirpa*
JWAlfred: I thought I told you... *sees Bruce* YOU! *rushes the group*
Superman: *stops him* Steady on, old chap!
Alfred: ALFRED PENNYWORTH! FOR SHAME!
JWAlfred: Letmeathim! Let me... what? Me? But, I'm me!...
Alfred: And I for one wish you weren't! Good Lord, man! What kind of state do you call this to be in?
JWAlfred: It's called "drunk", uptight me. Drunk, hopeless...
Alfred: Rot.
JWAlfred: Not. It's all over, you see. She married... he married... after all I've done....
...blast...
Bruce: *tries not to cringe at the thought of two Alfreds.*
JWAlfred: You're not married to my Leslie?
Bruce: No...she's more of a Mother.
Alfred: So, you finally admit that it's how you think of her!
Bruce: Yeah, yeah. When we get back to our world, you can have it in writing..Dad!
Alfred: Never call me that again. It doesn't work, *Master* Bruce.
Superman: *Amused again. Is hit in the head by a bottle of vodka from JWAlfred.* Ow.
Jim: It's never this bad in this world. Except for what you know...
Bruce: Kryptonite in that vodka?
Superman: I doubt it. Just surprised to have a bottle thrown at me!
Bruce: *sighs* Would it make you feel better if you chased me around the table again?
Jim: *leans over to Alfred.* This happen a lot in your world?
Alfred: Indeed.
JWAlfred: Never here.
JWBabs: *snork*
JWAlfred: Something amusing, Miss Barbara?
JWBabs: No, nothing, nothing at all, Alfred...
JWDick, on phone: Yes, Miss Lane, I know he is, but he's also here, in Gotham... and you're not going to believe the footage...
Bruce: In every universe, you're blackmailed! I love it!
Superman: Thanks a lot!
Elsewhere, Lois watches the footage...
JWLois: What are you doing?!
JWClark: That's not me, since I'm here.
The end for now...
no subject
Date: 2005-08-13 02:49 pm (UTC)Well, those lines were written by Rachel (you'll never guess which parts were mine) - and she laughed when she saw your comment! I haven't actually read the fanfic this grew from, just running with what I see.
Glad to be of service. ;) If it helps, don't think of it as falling into het/slash/whatever, just as one or both characters throwing themselves into the moment (since not everyone can be as OTP as Babs and Dick...)
No need to be, they'll be lucky to have a beta who delights in correcting librarians :D
Oh yes, ever so much :P It's liek ZOMG teh 1337357!!!11!!