Context Free Threatre!

[seandc]

A discussion of how Thanksgiving with the JSA/JLA is about as good an idea as Halloween with Buffy can go new places quickly... (also, faith_of_borg wanted to see some special guests - they appear later)

Those new places? Another episode of Context Free Theatre, of course!


Context Free Theatre presents: Phoenix Rising!

Anna1 (09:09 PM) :
Everyone was hungry, and the bad guys had blown up the food. :lol:

Next year...
Batman: *lurks around the hall.*
Superman: What are you doing?
Batman: Waiting to be possessed, or attacked by sorcerors from beyond. You?
Superman: Same. How's the wait going?
Batman: Nothing yet. Think we should hold a seance? Get the possession part over with?
Superman: Probably, if nothing happens in an hour.
Batman: Should we start a tradition of coming over on Halloween?
Superman: I thought you hated these traditions.
Batman: I do. But Halloween isn't usually as bad. Besides, I can scare
the kids before being possessed by demons, and used for evil things.

Halloween, Batman tries some scarifying...

Batman: BOO!
Tim: *yawn*
Cass: Huh?
Dick: Alfred, Bruce is broken again!
Babs: *rolls over his foot*
Batman: Are you the Gatekeeper?
Dick: Huh?
Batman: *glowing red eyes through the cowl.*
Dick: ALFRED! Bruce is possessed again!
Alfred: *throws holy water all over Bruce* BEGONE, foul fiend!
Bruce: AAAAHHHH! My best costume!
Dick: Serves you right!
Babs: *snicker*
Bruce: *possessed again.* Grr....
Babs: OK...you made the demon mad. But you briefly got Bruce back. Now what?
Dick: Maybe we should...call Superman?
Tim: *sees the glowing eyes from Bruce.* Good idea.
Bruce: *growls loudly*
Tim: And hurry!
Dick: They're at their annual Halloween party--which Bruce wanted them to start. Let's just...drop him off there and ruin everything.
Babs: We'll see if he can behave in a car...

On the road...
Bruce: Are we there yet?
Babs: No.
Bruce: Are we there yet?
Babs: No.
Bruce: Are we there yet?
Babs: No....

*knock at the door.*
Superman: Yes?
Dick: We have...a gift. Batman.
Superman: He came for the party?
Dick: You could say that. Possibly an animal, too....
*growls are heard from the car.*
J'onn: I sense that Bruce is not in that car.
Bruce: I am so Bruce, and the trip here has been entirely uneventful.
Tim: Only because you sat there with red eyes sulking when Babs hit you!
Mr. Terrific: Possessed again, huh?
Batman: *eyes glow*
Mr. Terrific: It's confirmed! He's possessed! Unless someone is playing with his infrared goggles. Someone check!
Wildcat: *Looks* *Loses a life--comes back from the dead.* Argh! One life to go....and he's not trying to fool us!
Dick: Good to know that a demon resembles Bruce's true personality. Tells us a lot...
Dr. Fate: Has he behaved strangely of late?
Batclan: *Glares.*
Dr. Fate: Stupid question. Man dresses like a bat, who can really tell?
Alfred: There was the incident with the monster in the refrigerator. Only Master Bruce was there to see it--but the eggs fried in the counter.
Dick: Why didn't you tell me that?! I saw those eggs and ate them!
Alfred: Master Dick--you'll eat anything.
Dick: *sulks and eats a handy letterbox*
Babs: *pats his shoulder consolingly*
Bruce: *looks around.* *Tries to eat a piece of paper.*
Tim: Not my essay!
Bruce: *growls.*
Tim: OK! I have another copy at home!

J'onn: Yes, I see the problem, now.
J'onn: Yes, the problem is this. The world will end soon.
Superman: Again?
J'onn: Yes, again.
Flash: How many apocalypes has that made now?
Plastic Man: Oh, I've lost count!
Wonder Woman: Anyone would think we're on an episode of Buffy or something.
Superman: Yeah, but we've been doing this longer than she has.
J'onn: And we do this two or three times a month...
Wonder Woman: By the way, how often is Batman possessed? And why is it always by the most evil of gods?!
J'onn: Perhaps he is a medium.
Superman: Nothing surprises me these days.
Batman: *levitates where he is tied up on the couch.*
Superman: Except that.
Plastic Man: *turns into a measuring tape* Nope, not a medium. Definately a large.
Dick: Ok, everyone weigh the couch down again! *jumps on couch and Batman, only to be followed by nobody else*
Dick: *stuck in the air when Batman levitates.* A little help?
Wonder Woman: *thwaps Plastic Man.*
Batman: *in a strange voice* How often do I get to be an audience to this? Mortals are puny, and these mortalsss...well...they'll be wiped out when Gozer gets here.
Dick: *jumps to the ground.*
Tim: Why'd you get down?
Dick: Things got creepy. I'd rather not be there for when his head spins!
Plastic Man: Ow! It wasn't that bad a pun!

Babs: We need some non-puny mortals to show this clow.... hel-lo...
*picks up a certain device used by a different Jim Gordon*
Babs: We'll be back in a moment! *grabs Dick and disappears*
Superman: I wonder where they're going?
*everyone looks around expectantly*
...
...
J'onn: Anyone got a deck of cards?
*Babs reappears with some friends*
Babs: Ok, demon, you think we're puny? Say hello to... Colossus! And Juggernaut!
Demon: eep.
*Part of a wall blows up, and there's a tear in the fabric of space and time.*
Babs: Maybe we shouldn't have crossed universes?
Tim: There's something you don't see every day. Please don't tell me it's The Joker taking over the universe again.
Batman: *creepy voice* Gozer the Gozerian.
Tim: Why doesn't that comfort me?
Superman: *Stares at the whole strange scene.* So...is anyone else feeling the urge to throw Batman in the Phantom Zone?
Everyone: NO!
Superman: Just me, then.
Rachel: Don't worry youg... Robin, isn't it? Betts and I went through this just last week... everyone grab someone's hand, and... teke shields now!
And...
*flash*
Welcome to the White Hot Room. (with apologies to everyone involved in Uncanny X-Men #462)
J'onn: Did anyone grab those cards I asked about?
Flash: I did! *tosses them.*

*something comes through another portal, and roars. It has really big kneecaps--it's Manos, from Manos: The Hands of Fate. Everyone laughs, until it cries and goes home.*

Batman: *growls* Hath I been forgotten?
Superman: He's talking like something from Shakespeare. This is never good. We probably need to hurry. Eep.
Flash: What?!
Superman: He has a claw.

Superman: Well, at least we're not in danger from Gozer himself anymore.
Dick: Wow, having different versions of me across the multiverse sure comes in handy.
Kurt: And now I can see all of us, when you say that, trailing into the distance...
Rachel: *grumbles since there's so few alternates of her*
Babs: *gasps as one of her alternates winks, a Phoenix on her outfit* Um... claw? I don't think that so much matters...
Batman: grrrrrrr trifle with me at your peril, mortal, for... uh-oh...
*shuts up as the Phoenix alternates of Rachel and Babs walk up*
Batman: *half growl/half speech, speaking without moving his lips* Merely adapting to human speech...sorry...we'll be good.
Superman: Now that's scary. And "we"?
Batman: Plural, as I am in a mortal body. Maybe I won't claw your face off--Gozer can rip through dimensions, he can have the honor of it.
Tim: Is anyone else getting scared?
PBabs: There's nothing to be scared of, Tim.
Batman: *ahem* Gozer! Me!
Rachel: This is the Heart of the Phoenix. Gozer can't reach us here.
Dick: Really?
Rachel: Really.
Kurt: Truly?
Rachel: Kuuuurrtt...
Kurt: Just kidding, liebchen. I think we can take Rachel's word on this, other-me. This place used to be her...

*every Phoenix zaps Batman.*
Babs: Think you could tear out Zuul?
Dr. Fate: Maybe if J'onn attacks telepathically, I, mystically, and the others physically, it could work. A strike at the creature as--
*A Phoenix tears Zuul out.*
Dr. Fate: Or...you could do that. Why am I even here?!
*Zuul goes back to Batman.*
Phoenix: Perhaps we underestimated the threat of Gozer...oops..
Dick: Oops? Oops?! OOOPS?!
Babs: Calm down. You're starting to sound like Bruce!
Dick: Possessed or Batman?
Babs: Batman.
PRachel: *rips Zuul out again*
Zuul: Iiii don't think so! *goes back into Batman:
PBabs: *rips Zuul out again*
Zuul: Stop it! *goes back*
PRachel: No! *rips out*
Zuul: Yes! *goes back*
PBabs: Stay out! *rips out*
Zuul: I feel like a yoyo...
Superman: *amused.* He must really like Batman's body.
Wonder Woman: Well, Phobos the God of Fear liked it. So did Kobra...and one of the seven deadly sins...and...
Superman: I get it! He's been possessed a lot!
Tim: And repossessed! :D
All: *groan*
Dick: *slaps him upside the head.* Little bro? Leave the bad jokes to me!
Zuul/Batman: OK...let's make a deal. 5 more minutes, while we destroy the universe.
Rachel: Hey, no destroying the universe! That's our job! I mean, their job!
Kurt: *facepalm*
Phoenixes *go dark*
Zuul: Oh yeah, let's RUMBLE!!

Dick: Uh oh...
Tim: Think we should combine our powers and summon someone?
Dick: What *have* you been watching?!
Tim: *mumbles* Captain Planet...
Dick: *stares* Half your idea was good. Have the entire JSA and JLA zap them at once. It could work.
Superman: *whips out notebook for a quick bit of blackmail-notemaking* Ok, everyone ready?
DPRachel: We aren't even troubled by the likes of this Zuul...
Zuul: HEY!
DPRachel: ...let alone the heroes of your worlds.
DPBabs: Especially since there are two of us, fire and chaos incarnate!
Dick: I don't suppose any of the other alternates can come to our aid?
Rachel: You saw how few of me there were.
Babs: I'm trying, Grayson...

Later...
*everyone zaps Zuul. The Dark Phoenix's decide to zap it too.*
Dick: Why are they helping?!
J'onn: They don't wish to share the destruction of the universe with anyone else.
Dick: Really? Do they want to kill Batman, too?
J'onn: From what I can see in their chaotic minds? No.
Batman, freed!: *runs away from zapping* owowowow my cape's on fire!
J'onn: Also, from what I see? They like Batman. They wish he were female, so he could have been a wonderful Phoenix. (one of us should've remembered Bald Phoenix at this point ;))
Batman: My cape! *gets zapped in the back* Ow! *falls over for a moment.*
Wonder Woman: HE'S DEAD! NOOOOO!!!!
Batman: I'm not dead yet...ow...medic...
Mr. Terrific: I'm a medic...and a teacher...and a psychiatrist...and anything else you need. Are you ok?
Batman: The JSA has its own Mary Sue...
Mr. Terrific: He's fine!

*interrupt, jump forward, Phoenixes escape, everyone goes home, I'm too lazy to write it*

Superman: Your name is Mary Sue?
Batman: Good to be back. Now I can do this- *thwaps Superman.*
Superman: Ow! He's fine. He's back to normal...
Dick: Yes, he's his usual cuddly fun self!
Batman: No, Nightwing. You're thinking of Worf again. Now then. What did I miss?
Dick: What's the last thing you remember?
Batman: Deciding to attempt to cook, and going into the kitchen. Giving up on that, sitting down, and then being held down by demonic arms, and dragged away. After that? Nothing. I did learn something...
Dick: Gah! What was that?
Batman: I'm never going into the kitchen ever again!
Superman: I can hear Alfred cheering from here!
Batman: Just got a flash of memory. He probably wasn't happy with me putting on an orange dress and trying to seduce Cass.
Everyone: *stares*
Batman: I was possessed!
Everyone: *stares more* O_o
Batman: Nobody worry, though. I think Cass was able to hurt Zuul a little. Based on these--giant bruises! OW!
Tim: That's my girl.
*Cass shows up*
Cass: No seducing! Ever! *Slaps Batman.*
Tim: Good girl.
Batman: But it wasn't me! Stop hitting me! And Zuul has a thing for orange dresses--from what I remember he's usually stuck in the body of a woman!
Dick: J'onn, do you think you can mind-wipe me to get those images out of my head?
J'onn: Yes. In fact, mindwipes for all!
Everyone: Yaaaaayyyy!!
Wonder Woman: But who'll mindwipe you, J'onn?
J'onn: I'll borrow Oracle's device and go and find Miss Grey (or Summers. Who can keep track?) again. Even though her Phoenix self has vanished into the multiverse, I sense a vast psi potention within her.

*Alfred walks in*
Alfred: I see you are yourself again, Sir. No attempting to snap at me?
Batman: I was sarcastic as Zuul?
Alfred: No, Sir. You attempted to bite me! All I said was you should get a bite to eat--and it took me literally!
Everyone: *stares*
Batman: OK...just how long was I possessed? Oh, and it would be starting when you found a chair with arm holes torn in it.
Alfred: Oh? Two weeks then.
Batman: *stares* Oh, and nobody gets mindwiped on my watch!
Babs: *rolls over Bruce's feet* Oh.yes.we.do.oh.yes.we.do!
Batman: OW! What about me, though? *jumps as he is rolled over.* Do I have to live with the memory of wearing an orange dress?
Tim: Hey, if me and Dick have to live with the memory of dressing like girls while undercover, you can survive that memory.
Babs: But you two are so cute when you dress as girls!
Cass: Yeah. I think we should make you do it more often.
Dick: Flattery will get you nowhere, Babs, darling...
Tim: Um... I demand separate lawyers...
Babs: Good boy, Tim. *ruffles his hair while glaring at Dick*

Superman: That would explain why he didn't feel like leaving your body. He had decided it was a new home after two weeks.
Batman: Next year? I'm staying away from the kitchen--and away from holiday meals!
J'onn: Ah, Batman. The Phoenix... Jean sent a message. After everything you have been through, and how much you have dealt with, she has an offer.
Batman: Yes?
J'onn: The Phoenix wants to know if you would like to become a Phoenix.
Everyone: *stares*
Tim: You have got to be kidding me.
Batman: Can the costume have a bat symbol and a Phoenix on it?
Superman: Think of it. Dark Phoenix Batman...
Batman: Strangest...holiday...ever! I'll think about it.
Dick: So very very scared now...
Wonder Woman: Huh. More powerful than me in seconds. It could come in handy on missions...
Superman: When you go mad with the power, who stops you?
Batman: Probably you. J'onn? Sorry to say, but you couldn't.
J'onn: Understandable. I would probably be fried quickly.
Tim: Can we get powers too?
Everyone: NO!!!
Tim: Thank goodness for that! heh heh heh *doesn't tell anyone about his existing power*
Tim: By the way, Alfred's all ready got some powers!
J'onn: We need to go if the decision is yes, Batman.
Batman: *Thinks--is still thinking about it an hour later.*
Everyone: *falling asleep.*
Batman: The answer is...yes.
Alfred: Now we must deal with a possessed Batman--with powers of fire. When he gets out of hand, who will smack him down now?
Tim: You?
Alfred: But of course!
Bruce: Don't worry, old friend, being a Phoenix won't change me that much. There won't be any reason for you to challenge me.
Alfred: I believe, sir, someone once said something about absolute power...
Babs: Bruce, even I... or another me... was tempted too greatly
Dick: That just means that you're *sees glare* less likely to be evil, since the other universe took it all...
Tim: Hooray, a mirror universe now!
Bruce: I wonder if it was all ready offered to a Bruce in another universe. I know that Superman got the Power Cosmic in another reality...
J'onn: Ready to go?
Bruce: Yes...let's go.

Later...
Batman: I...am...Bat-Phoenix! Unless you can think of a better name for me!

*jump forward a week*

Anna1 (11:08 PM) :
It would also be very confusing for poor Alfred, if the Ghostbusters
showed up at Wayne Manor. :D

Sean DC (11:09 PM) :
Even more so for Black Mask :lol:

Black Mask: I'm *alive* you nitwits! Ahhhhhh!!
Peter Venkman: Eww. Well, he was toasted.
Egon: Nothing to see here. Move along. It was simply a corporeal spirtual manifestation with non-ectoplasmic tendencies.
Bruce: And that means?
Egon: He was alive, but now he's dead.
Tim: How can you tell?
Peter: Doesn't his face kinda tell you?
Tim: Again, how can you tell?
Dick: Yeah, his face is always like that.
Peter: Then...we didn't do that? Good!
Egon: Hooray, lawsuit averted!
Peter: Yes! No more suing from the city, the state, the country, the world...
Bruce: So...hit bankruptcy yet?
Peter: Yes!
Egon: But we're hoping to avoid the bankrupts next time we play Wheel of Fortune!
Bruce: Uh huh....Could have used you guys here last week. I was possessed by Zuul...
Egon: *scans him.*
Bruce: I'm fine now! Get that thing out of my face!
Egon: Readings are off the scales.
Bruce: That's because now I'm Bat-Phoenix...
Ghostbusters: *stares*
Egon: I'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Selina: Oh, I think I like his brains to stay right where they are, stored so purrfectly inside that head of his.
Peter: Wait a minute... did you just say "purr-fectly"?
Egon: I swear I heard the extra r.
Selina: No.
Egon: I'd like a sample of you, too.
Selina: No! I haven't been possessed...
Bruce: Lately.
Selina: Right...lately.
Bruce: And you're not going anywhere near my skull. I need my brain for detective work.
Egon: Just a little bit?
Bruce: No.
Egon: *pouts*
Egon: Even if your power level is close to Gozer's now?
Bruce: Really? That's good to hear! There was a bit of trouble with him, but all those Phoenixies--Phoenixi--whatever! They stopped it!
Dick, helpfully: And then went on the rampage in another dimension!
Babs: *glares*
Dick: Well, it's true. I can't help it if one of them was another you...
Egon: *scans everyone.* Liar. I don't get a reading from her.
Dick: I said another dimension! Not this one!
Babs: *rolls over Egon's foot.*
Egon: Aargh!
Dick and Bruce: *exchange looks*
Peter: She do this a lot?
Dick: More than you can possibly know....

Peter: You're sure she's not possessed?
Dick: We're sure!
Alfred: Quite sure!
Peter: Ahh! Where'd you come from?!
Egon: A ghost?!
Bruce: Gentlemen--he's my butler!
Egon: Ah, a ghost-butler?
Bruce: *facepalm.* *eyes glow a little with phoenix force.*
Alfred: Only by appointment, sir. However, Master Boston is not in town today, so it's just me.
Bruce: Yes, Deadman visits a lot. Surprised he didn't pop up when Gozer was around. Of course, he *would* hide from the Ghostbusters. *eyes glow a little, he's not paying attention to it.*
Egon: He's possessed! Proton packs, please!
Bruce: *Zaps proton packs to another area of the mansion.* Not possessed, just sharing a body with a cosmic entity.
Dick: Go ahead and do it... you know you want to...
Bruce: OK, you talked me into it...

Hear me Ghostbusters! I am no longer the client you once knew! Now I am fire and life incarnate! Now and forever, I am... BAT-PHOENIX!!!

Bruce: *picks them up telekinetically, and throws them out of the mansion.*
Dick: Cool.
Bruce: Thank you.
Babs: Wow.
J'onn: *shows up* Fascinating.
Bruce: Anyone else watching?
J'onn: Yes...the entire JSA and JLA.
Tim: Oh, and the Titans! I told them they wanted to see this...
Bruce: Cute. Is the mansion a reality show now?
Tim: Not really. The reality show aspect only starts when you use your powers.
Bruce: Then I approve.
Babs: By the way, Bruce, you've been voted out...
Bruce: *bat-glower*
Babs: Kidding! Turn the glowing eyes off!
Bruce: Hey, the intimidation factor is great with glowing eyes.
Superman: *hiding next to the front door, in the closet. Trying to watch.*
Bruce: Superman? You can come out now. I can hear you thinking. Trying to get a good view of the show?
Superman: Yeah. *looks embarrassed.*
Superman: Wait, you're a telepath now?
Bruce: Yes. Comes with the Phoenix territory.
Everyone: *thinks about Batman being able to read their minds......*
Bruce: Stop thinking things like that, and go home to your wife.
Superman: *Blushes and flies away.*
Bruce: Ah, and Jim is about to turn on the Bat Signal.
Babs: Man, that telepathy comes in handy!
Bruce: Yes, it does, Barbara, and you should see the shade of red Dick's turning right now in case I tell you what he's thinking...
Dick: I... ah... hey!
Babs: *turns* Hey mister pillar-box-red... watcha thinking to make you turn that colour? ;)
Dick: I... um...
Bruce: The Signal! Right on time! Now to surprise Jim...
Tim: You're going to scare him, right?
Bruce: Yes. This time, I'll suddenly appear in a swirl of flames.
*Goes in a swirl of fire.*

Jim: *sees something like flames and jumps.*
Bruce: Sorry, Jim. It's just me. I got an upgrade.
Jim: AHHH!!!
Bruce: It's me, Batman.
Jim: Are you possessed?
Bruce: Well, I'm sharing my body with a cosmic entity.
Jim: So that's a yes?
Bruce: Slightly.
Jim: Slightly? Like the new costume, though.
Bruce: Hey, when you're a Phoenix, the costume changes.
Jim: But a giant bat over what looks like a bird? Bluish whitish red?
Bruce: Yes, well. Someone dumped paint on me as I appeared...