Context Free Theatre!

[seandc]

It started as a little quote from the new issue of Detective Comics (#810), what it turned into - well, you've seen what happens when faith_of_borg and I get the Batclan out to play...


Context Free Theatre presents: Oracle's Recital

Joker (in 'Tec 810): Oh Blackie McMaskie - *everyone* knows my favourite job in the whole
wide world is - killing ROBIN!!!
Anna1 (09:17 PM) :
Yes, that's definitely what he's best at. :lol:

Even if they don't stay dead....
Sean DC (09:17 PM) :
Yay, new scene that must be written...

Red Hood: Joker, you FAIL at killing Robins!
Anna1 (09:19 PM) :
Yes :D

Joker: Huh. But I have your corpse in my trophy room...
Red Hood: What?!
Joker: And that's *my* old costume! Attempt at irony?
Red Hood: Yep. You like?
Joker: Yes, actually. But that still ruins my record! *starts sobbing.*
Red Hood: *maniacal laughing*
*Batman walks in.*
Joker: He's mean!
Batman: Jason? Of course he is--he's been beating you with a crow bar off and on for the past week!
Joker: No, he's mean because...because he isn't the body in my trophy room!
Batman: What?! But...but I have his costume in my trophy room...
Joker: *stares* So...we think alike?
Batman: Now I will walk away slowly...and take down that glass case!
Joker: Mine's glass too!
Batman: *starts to freak and runs away.*

Tim: *watches from the sidelines, very amused.*
Dick: Think we've convinced him to get rid of that creepy case?
Tim: Yep.
Joker: Hey! Where's my money?
Dick: *gives him $1000.*
Joker: I might like Robins--or at least the ex-Robins! *big grin.*
Tim: I think we should go...*swings away with Dick.*
Joker: What did I say? *phones through requests to every radio station in Gotham for "Everyone loves a clown"*
Babs: *stops the request* The song is now Who Let The Dogs Out. Repeated for three days--for him only! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dick: Babs? You scare me.
Babs: *beams* Why thank you Dickie honey

Alfred, shopping: *looks up as the store music switches over and the song repeats* No... it couldn't be... not even Miss Barbara... oh, who am I fooling, of course she could.

Day 2:
Alfred: *Slowly goes mad. Gets his broom and stalks the mansion.*
Bruce: Alfred? Are you ok? What--what are you doing? Stop that! Get away! No--no more hitting with the broom!
Alfred: I'm sorry, Master Bruce, but it's gotten intolerable! That song, on every radio station - even the World Service!
Bruce: The World Service?!
Alfred: Yes, sir.
Bruce: Oracle has changed the broadcast of the BBC World Service?
Alfred: Given that that's all that's playing when I tune in, sir, yes!
Bruce: Unbelievable... I had no idea she was that skilled or powerful...
Alfred: What was that proverb about absolute power?
Bruce: Absolute power--corrupts absolutely.
Alfred: But meanwhile...I shall go insane. It is rather comforting. I shall do this with dignity! *stares at Bruce, before knocking him out.*
Bruce: *tied up, and forced to listen for the next few days. Goes insane and forgets.
Is periodically hit with a broom.*

Day 5:
Babs has forgotten to stop the music, and has gone on vacation... (yeah, we know Babs has a perfect memory {much like a certain co-writer} but that would get in the way of the story :P)
Batman: *Goes to Metropolis.*
Superman: Hey, Bruce! Are you ok? Why are you looking at me like that?!
Batman: *tosses Kryptonite near him.*
Superman: Why are you looking at me like that? Where'd that broom come from?! Stop it--stop it! Ahh!!! The Kryptonite makes it hurt!
Batman: Must...kill...stop....music...grr...
Superman: What music?!
Batman: Endless loop of song...must kill to make it stop...
Superman: ...Ok. *Puts him in a room with nothing but silence.

Day 10:
Babs: *tries to call Gotham, Tim appears on screen, in a hurry* Robin? What's going on, where's Bruce?
Tim: He's vanished! The song drove him and most of the city mad. I've to go, Captain Sawyer's trying to save the concert hall from hordes with torches and pitchforks; Batgirl and Huntress're rescuing the staff of any music stores they can find, even though Huntress' people are leading some of the riots.
Babs: Music stores? Concert Hall? *penny drops* Oops...
Tim: Gotta go... farewell, both of you. *cuts channel*

Day 12:
Riddler: Riddle me this, Riddle me that...what song destroys the mind of a big black bat? Answer: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!!! Mwahahahah!!!! *cries as the song has played for 12 days.*
Tim: Everyone? Wear earplugs! It's the only way to save your sanity!
*stares at The Joker, who plans to help.*
Tim: Or preserve your currently level of insanity! And why is it worst in Arkham?!

Batman: *in a quiet room for 1 week, and twitching from the relief.*
Superman: Feeling better?
Batman: Little...need sleep...but I can still hear the song in my mind...
Superman: *sighs* It's all Oracle's fault, you know. She started it. NO! Stay down--you will not kill her.

Joker: Yay, current level of insanity! I *like* my current level of insanity! hehehehe
Harley: I lurve your current level of insanity, Mistah J!
Joker: But of course, Harlyharl, it's just so spiffy! *thought occurs, turns to Tim* Can I club you a bit later, little red bird?
Tim: No.
Joker: Aww, no fair. *pouts, is comforted by Harley*
Harvey: Music is all we have, Robin. They won't give us books since *someone* shot a librarian *glares at Joker*, and we get so few visitors here... not even Renee comes by *sigh*
Tim: She would have come by more if you didn't keep on kidnapping the woman!
Harvey: Ahh...
Two-Face side: Grrr!!!!
Tim: I don't know whether I should comfort you, or back away slowly. So I'll do both.
*Batgirl arrives*
Tim: The music didn't drive you...err..batty?
*Joker drops from laughing so hard. Tim glares.*
Batgirl: I don't listen to radios.

A slight interruption by real life here, and we come back to the aftermath.

Oracle: Sorry, guys...it's sorta my fault.
Batman: *Quietly* You? I almost became Dark Phoenix! The universe would have been destroyed because of a song that wouldn't stop! I also would have killed Superman. *twitches, since he's still recovering from the constant music.*
Tim: And you drove Joker sane. He also says he likes me. I don't know if I should be scared or not.
Alfred: And I shall have to buy a new broom! That broom has seen 20 years of good and bad times. It was such a faithful broom...*sobs*
Tim: I think you broke him.
Babs: *looks downcast*
Huntress: Babs? I always thought sonic weapons were Dinah's specialty.
Babs: *looks down more*
Tim: You'd better stay out of Captain Sawyer's way for a while, too... if she finds out you caused this... well, Alf would be cleaning my mouth out for a week if I repeated what she said.
Alfred: *stares at Babs*
Babs: What? I'm sorry!
Alfred: *slaps her over the head with a miniature broom* This is all I have left of my precious Matilda!
Bruce: Matilda? You name your brooms? If you weren't such a good cook, you'd be in Arkham now.
Dick: *comforts Alfred.*
Bruce: Barbara? I think you'd better go and get Alfred a new broom... otherwise how would you be able to look into those big brown eyes ever again?
Alfred: *looks up for effect, and sniffles*
Babs: All right, I'm going first thing in the morning. Wow, you guys really lay down the guilt trip.
Bruce: We try.

Dick: Alfred? You just sit down here... I've asked Batgirl to go and find Leslie to come and lend an ear..
Alfred: Leslie? But... but the house is a mess! A man has his pride, after all...
Dick: Only by your exceptionally high standards, Alfred. Leslie will understand, so relax. And enjoy the show, I told Cassie she could take Tim away when she comes back.
Tim: HEY!
Dick: *grins at him*
Bruce: *quietly giggles.*
Tim: You're *sure* you're not going to turn into Dark Phoenix?
Bruce: This is amusement at seeing you being dragged away, and not evil laughter. You decide.
Tim: *stares*
Bruce: *smirks.* *eyes flash*
Tim: *gulps.*
*Cass shows up, tosses him over her shoulder, and runs away.*
Bruce: Wrong guy! Wrong guy!
Cass: Oops... *throws him down, and grabs Tim.*
Dick: *rolling with laughter*
Bruce: Ow...this reminds me. There's a Phoenix in our support group that spontaneously combusts whenever she gets injured...useless in combat, but fun to watch. (Rachel: I had to incorporate that. It would be fun to watch. :lol:)
Everyone: *stares*
Tim: *laughing hysterically as he's dragged away.*

Tim: *squeals in laughter.*
Dick: I will NOT go see what he's squealing about. Cass probably threw him again.
Bruce: *eyes flash--just to make everyone scared.*
Alfred: *Hits him with the miniature broom.* Stop that, Sir!
Bruce: OW! Yes, Sir. I'll be good.
Dick: Alfred? I thought Cass brought Leslie with her?
Alfred: Yes, Master Dick. She insisted I ask if anyone else wanted some tea or biscuits before serving her.
Dick: Hmmm...
Bruce: We're fine here, Alfred, you go and chat with Leslie.
Alfred: Thank you, sir. *exit*
Bruce: Good idea to bring Leslie over, it'll do Alfred good to keep busy, keep his mind off his broom.
Dick: I thought he may like some company he wouldn't need to keep throwing the broom at.
Bruce: *smirks* Good idea.*
Everyone: *hears a thud, and goes to check.*
Alfred: Twas just me, Sirs! I'm being literally carried away. Dr. Thompkins is stronger than I thought! Ommph!
Dick: Scarred for life. I'm actually scarred for life.
Bruce: You? What about me--I'm listening to their minds when they really think loudly!
Alfred: Sirs? Oh! I shall be taking an extended leave of absence!
*Goes quiet as Leslie throws him over her shoulder and carries him off.*
Bruce: *stares*

Bruce: The women of the Batclan are very, very strong...
Dick: That Cassandra is a bad influence on our Leslie...
Babs: I refuse to roll away with you over my shoulder!
Dick: Aww, why not?
Babs: You would tip the wheelchair over! Of course, I am still awaiting my punishment for driving all of Gotham insane...
Bruce: *eyes flicker*
Babs: *gulps.*
*a flaming figure appears next to Bruce*
New Phoenix: Hello... *flames die down* I'm the Barbara Gordon of Earth 293...
Babs: *gulps again* Two Phoenixes?
PBabs: The Bat-Phoenix here (we'll catch up later, Bruce... ayy, it's been too long since we had a chance to talk, your other self and I)... where was I? Oh yeah, the Bat-Phoenix says there's a... situation here that needs resolving.
Dick: *moves in front of Babs who's starting to freak out*
Bruce: My other self? Is he...?
PBabs: *nods* Dead. Died saving our world years ago. And now, what I came here to do... *grabs Dick and throws him over her shoulder*
Dick: Whoa! Flattered and all but...
Bruce: *laughs*
Babs: I don't know whether to laugh or be extremely annoyed. HEY! Put him down this minute! He's mine!
PBabs: I'll just carry him away for you.
*Jim Gordon walks in.*
Jim: Two Barbaras?!
Bruce: Did you hear? I'm dead, Jim!
Babs: *glares.*
PBabs: *amused*
Dick: Hey! It would be nice if you could put me down now. I'd rather be with my Babs. She's fiery too--but she won't set me on fire!
Babs: *glares.*
Dick: *Doesn't notice, and is put down. Gets rolled over by normal Babs.*
Dick: Owww...
Jim: You made the right choice, son. No offence, other Barbara.
PBabs: None taken, Poppa. Just here to help the Bat-Phoenix make a joke.
Jim: Another one?
Babs: Scary, isn't it?
PBabs: Why do you think we have to help him?
Bruce: We get it, we get it. I have a joke deficiency. Let's move on, shall we?
Dick: Ow. You're sure I made the right choice? It leads to me have tire marks on my feet!
Babs: *rolls over other foot.* Keep talking, Short Pants.
Jim: *smirks.*
Jim: Oh, definitely the right choice - you think Barbara would keep running over your foot if she wasn't trying to get closer to you?
Bruce: I thought it was because he keeps saying silly things.
PBabs: Other self? Time to stop Poppa from watching Doctor Phil, ok?
Jim: Sigh, two of my daughter trying to stop me watching. I'm doomed, aren't I?
All: *nod* Uh-huh.
Bruce: Don't forget me. I've tried to get you to stop watching, too.
Jim: Two Phoenixes, and her. Two of which are my daughter. I'm definitely doomed, then.
Bruce: *smirks.*
*Babs rolls away with Dick sitting on her.*

Bruce: *looks at his two guests* So... what now?
Jim: Cards?
Bruce: No, that reminds me of Joker.
Jim: Puzzles?
Bruce: Riddler.
Jim: Watch a movie?
Bruce: Parents murdered.
Jim: What doesn't bring bad memories?! *points to a book--happens to be Alice in Wonderland. Jim realizes, and laughs* (referring to the Mad Hatter, for those who, like me, needed a clue)

And here we leave the Bat, The Commish, and the Other-Dimensional-Cosmic-Entity for another night...