seandc

And now for something completely different... after a brief hiatus, the return of Context Free Theatre! (blame will be totally dodged by

calliopes_pen and me).

Context Free Vignettes presents Zombies

If they could get organized, it would be really scary.
Or funny if you took them all out at the same time.
True. Phoenix could do it. :lol:
Or Alfred. He's a good shot with a rifle. :D
I'm thinking a kind of domino or tenpin effect. With sound effects.
And poor Batman would run out of ways to win--and Alfred would stop them all.
But the most important thing is the funny sound effects.
Dick would be laughing as Batman screamed about not being able to stop them.

Batman: They keep coming! They can't be stopped!
Gordon: You're the one that keeps this city safe? You can't even stop a few (hundred) dead guys?!
Batman: *glares*
Dick: *giggles.*
Batman: I'm going home now--and you don't need to call me again tonight.
Gordon: But what about those vampires over there?!
Batman: It's Halloween. Those are children.
Gordon: But how can you be sure?!
Batman: *facepalm.*
Dick: Here, I'll prove it! *swings out and flicks holy water at the "vampires"...
Kids: *return fire with waterbombs and eggs*
Dick: *gets soaked*
Jim: Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself.
Batman: Be nice--or I'll make you fight The Joker the next time he escapes. Alone.
Gordon: Eep.
Batman, turning away: Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself.
Gordon: *facepalm.*
Dick: *walks to Batman.*
Batman: Need help drying off?
Dick: *shakes himself like a dog, drenching Batman.* Nope. Got it covered.
Batman: Alfred will kill you, you know.
Dick: What about you? I'm half covered in zombie goo.
Batman: It's egg and water!
Dick: Still gooey.
Batman: And it wasn't from zombies!
Dick: One kid was dressed as a zombie. Besides, Babs says they're real.
Batman: *stares*
Dick: One apparently got lost in her closet. She killed and dissected it.
Batman: Hopefully not while it was still in the closet.
Dick: No. Not enough room. Even if the thing is like a TARDIS.

Meanwhile...
The Doctor: I'm free! I made it out of that closet! Now...where is my TARDIS?
Babs: I made it into a bookshelf...

Context Free Theatre presents Batgirls and Robins

On the relationship between Batgirls and Robins, and certain similarities in writing...

That sounds like our Cass, with her dragging Tim away. And she apparently tackled Tim on top of the Clocktower, too. :lol:
At least it wasn't the rooftop of The Signal....
Yes, otherwise he would be humiliated. :D And Commissioner Gordon would be stunned and terrified.
Just a mysterious few seconds, with one figure backpeddling past the searchlight, and another flying past pouncing seconds later :lol:

Batman: *arrives*
Cass: *tackles Robin and leaves*
Gordon: What was that?!
Batman: Oh...that was the kids. Batgirl and Robin are going to be involved if Cass has anything to say about it. Poor boy...

And the next part of the conversation leads to:
Batgirl 45! Batgirl 45! :lol: That's the one where Cass goes out in Babs' old outfit.
Ah, that's the one that was posted on scans_daily. Poor Tim couldn't stop staring. Cass didn't like it--and Tim was knocked out by a random guy. :lol:

Batman: What happened?
Tim: Distracted. She wore Barbara's old costume.
Batman: Ooh...the curse of the costume.
Tim: It's cursed?!
Batman: Yes...I thought she should burn it. She disagreed.
Tim: Are...you serious?!
Alfred: Alert the Justice League. He could be joking.
Tim: That's even worse...
Cass: *knocks him out and drags him away.*
Batman: Have fun!
Cass: I will! Mweh heh heh.
Alfred: *shakes his head and walks away.*
Dick: A normal day for us, apparently.
Alfred: Yes, it's a normal time when Batgirl knocks out Robin and drags him away. *pointed look at Dick.*
Dick: *Blushes.*
Babs: Hey, I never knocked short-pants out!
Dick: Thank you for pointing that out, honey.
Babs: Heck, I could barely keep his ha... eyes off me!
Dick: What about the time that you--
Babs: Don't!
Dick: Or the time--
Babs: *glares*
Dick: I'll be good.
Babs: *knocks him out, tosses him across her wheelchair, and wheels away with him.*
Bruce: *shakes his head* He always enjoyed being conscious for his little rides...
Alfred: Shall I knock you out next, Master Bruce?
Bruce: No, Selina can do that. Where is she, anyway?
Selina: *behind him, waves to Alfred.*
Alfred: *smirks.*
Selina: *knocks Bruce out, and drags him away.*
Alfred: Alone at last!
Leslie: *knocks him out, and drags him away.*

The next morning...
Alfred and the others: Aspirin!
Leslie: You know where my black bag is.
Babs: You weren't complaining last night...
Cass: I thought you'd gotten used to it.
Selina: I thought the wine would've been enough for you *purr*...
Alfred: Yes, I KNOW! *strange smirk/wink*
Bruce: Eep.
Dick: Eep.
Tim: Eep.
Everyone: *stares at Alfred.*
Alfred: What? I'm old enough for Miss Leslie. Last night...
Bruce: Alfred? Stop scaring the children. And me. But mostly the children.

Tim: I want to go home!
Cass: Never leaving my cave!
Tim: Great, I have a monosyllabic stalker/superhero.
Cass: This is a bad thing?
Tim: Good point. *is tackled*
Cass: I'm not... monosyllabic... anymore!
Tim: The rest is still true.
Cass: Do you hear me complaining about the rest?

Bruce: Selina? Take me away from all this?
Selina: Sure thing. Next stop: Some filthy hovel!
Bruce: I meant another room! Stop! Why are you dragging me away again?! Ow--stop dragging me up the stairs! I can walk! OW!
Dick: He's going to need some aspirin after that...
Bruce: Selina? You're hurting my back!
Selina: Big baby. You're a crimefighter--you always get thrown around!
Bruce: But this is giving me Bane flashbacks...*wibble*
Selina: *comforts him.*

Selina: You're too heavy! Ugh! Oh! You're paying the chiropractic bills! Oomph! *Drops him.*
Bruce: OW!
Selina: Sorry--ow, my back!
Bruce: You okay?
Selina: Do I look it?!
Bruce: *stares*
Selina: Do you ever want to see the purple skintight costume again?
Bruce: *looks innocent and helps her walk.*
Selina: Nice work on the looking innocent.
Bruce: Thank you. It's just something that comes naturally.
Selina: If I didn't know better I'd swear your thoughts were that innocent.
Bruce: They are!
Selina: You know, I don't think I've ever seen your cheeks so red before...
Bruce: *blushes*
Selina: *whispers* I can't remember if I ever showed you my white suit, I'm sure young Robin would've mentioned it though...
Bruce: *blushes more* No fair...
Selina: Fun though. I seem to recall showing you--oh, wait. That was Azrael.
Bruce: *grumbles*
Selina: Robin probably took pictures of the white costume.
Bruce: He followed you, too?!
Selina: He was your stalker before he was Robin? Oh, there's hope for Poison Ivy!
Bruce: *grumbles.*

Across town:
Ivy: Ok, I've got my camera, now, what does the guide say now? *opens up Robin's Guide To Becoming A Sidekick - Through Stalking!*

Poison Ivy: *Reading* To Stephanie Brown--she took my advice and managed to be the first female Robin. Hmm...I'll be the second!

Meanwhile...
Bruce: *Shudders*
Selina: What's wrong?
Bruce: Just a reaction to something really evil being planned, probably...

Downstairs:
Babs and Cass: *whispering together in deep conversation, occasionally glancing towards Dick and Tim and grinning*
Tim: I'm scared. Dick? What do you think is going on? Dick? Where'd he go? *sees the two still grinning* *runs to hide.*

Dick: *Heard that Tim wrote a book, and begins his own.* The Secret Life Of A Sidekick.
Bruce: Why do I feel like my secrets are being exposed?
Selina: I have no idea. *hides copy of Catwoman's Life behind her back.*

Downstairs:
Mailbox: *thwump*
Alfred: Aha, Master Clark's new book has arrived!
Babs: New book?
Alfred: Yes. The Phoenix Guide - Phoenixes Of This Dimension...
Babs: Ooh... mind if I have a look?
Alfred: I asked Master Clark to send another copy, I thought you might like one.
Babs: Thanks Alfred, you're the best!

Bruce: *sees the book* Clark? Has he been following me more than I thought?!
Alfred: Well, Sir. Let me just say this: You never noticed Master Timothy stalking you, so I doubt you would notice Master Clark.
Bruce: *facepalm*
Alfred: Besides, you already knew about this?
Bruce: I did?
Alfred: What do you think all his notebooks and Phoenix-spotting were for?
Dick: Because I'm one of those Phoenixes? :D
Alfred: Amusing, Master Dick, but no.
Bruce: Hey, no stealing my thunder!
Dick: I can't help it if the...
Bruce: Oh Barrrrbaraaaa...
Babs: *knocks into Dick so he lands in her lap and rolls away*
Bruce: Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself.

Tim: Is it safe to come out now? Cass and Babs were plotting.
Bruce: It should be.
Tim: Good. *is grabbed by Cass and dragged away* Liar!

Selina: Bruce, that was very naughty!
Bruce: I know, but I couldn't help it. I guess it's the romantic in me.
Selina: Ah, young love...

Tim: *begins writing another book as he's dragged away.*
Cass: *punches him*
Tim: Ow! You want to be in half the book?
Cass: Sure! *drags him away*
Tim: Well, you could start by carrying me over your shoulder like normal, instead of dragging me...
Cass: Oh yeah. I thought something felt different. Selina gave me the idea.
Tim: *glares*
Cass: *glares back*
Tim: I'll be good!
Cass: *pats his cheek* Good boy.
Tim: *sighs* Go ahead.
Cass: *Throws him over her shoulder.*
Tim: Oh, and don't knock me unconscious anymore!
Cass: *smirks*
Tim: Please?
Cass: Maaayybee...
Tim: Being thrown over your shoulder is a lot more fun when I'm awake!
Cass: Oh rrrrreally?
Tim: Oh yeah! Really!
Cass: *purrs*
Tim: More learning from Selina?
Cass: Bingo!
Tim: Please don't become Catgirl.
Cass: *glares*
Tim: Right, you like Batman better! I'll shut up now!
Cass: Good boy!
Tim: ...
...
Although, if you were, for interest's sake, to try on her costume...
Cass: Ye-ess?
Tim: I... er... that is...
Cass: *snerk* Naughty boy!
Tim: Hmm....knock me out, please. Old patterns are best.
Cass: Smart boy!
Tim: *is knocked out*
Dick: Heh. *is slapped by Babs since she's still got him with her in the wheelchair.*
Dick: He's turning into a real charmer...
Babs: No clue where he gets it from...
Dick: What's wrong?
Babs: You've written two chapters and still nothing about me?!
Dick: I... er... how did you know?
Babs: You're writing it on a computer, Einstein, figure it out.
Dick: I'm just doing the early years so far. I'm about to write about our first meeting...
Babs: You remember?
Dick: Of course! The rooftop of the old police headquarters.
Babs: *looking down, smiling* Damn... you big... just when I think... gah!
Dick: And when you made me dress as you...there's a whole chapter devoted to that horror.
Babs: *punches his arm* You loved it! :P

Context Free Vignettes presents Dove Grey

JSA's Dove's life is like Jean's, according to Rachel. Her explanation (don't look at me, I know little about the character):
I think at this point she's a goddess, or a ghost, or something. Nobody is sure, and everyone is confused when she tries to explain. She apparently gave birth to a child while she dead. Uh huh. Don't try to figure it out. After she was dead, before she had a body again--I think. The JSA got headaches when she tried to explain it. Even Hawkman got a headache, and look at his weird life. They explained it the best they could in a JSA trade paperback. It was still too much. I think I posted it to scans_daily once.
I think possibly, and I still couldn't follow it. Need easier scans.
Unfortunately, that was the least complicated they had ever made it. :lol:
Oh.
Imagine if Batman wanted to figure out her life :D

Batman: Tell me your history, Dove.
Superman: Don't do it!
Batman: Drama queen?
Superman: No, you'll get a headache. *Covers his ears when Dove begins.*

19 hours later...
Batman: *collapses* Make--it--stop! Worse than the Summers family tree! Argh!

Unless there was a way to link them. Bwahaha!
I doubt it. If they linked it, Bruce would go over the edge. :lol:
Don't tempt me...

Batman: Get J'onn!
Superman: Why?
Batman: Must...get...mindwiped....
Dove: Why does everyone do that when I'm just telling them my life?
Jean: *appears* That's what I always wonder, too.
Batman: Argh! Superman--hurry and get J'onn!
Jean: *begins discussing the Summers tree.*
Oracle: *intent on her computer, photoshops a photo of Dove and Cable together* *sends to Batman*
Batman: The horror--the horror!
Jean: Dove, this gives me an idea...
Dove: Yeah. Since this means our lives and family trees are linked...
Bruce: Nooooooo*groan*
Jean: *adds Dove's bizarre history to the Summers family tree.*
Bruce: *sobs*
Dove: What's wrong?
Bruce: Keep your complicated history away from me!
Dove: Touch-ee!
Bruce: Batman... need... sleep...
Alfred: Never fear, sir, I'll take care of things here, you go and get some shut-eye.
*Bruce staggers off ignoring affronted looks from Dove and Jean*
Alfred: Now, Miss Dove, you were saying something about adding something to the Summers family tree? *takes notes*
Oracle: *takes pictures of the notes, and sends them to Bruce*
Bruce: *Shrieks*
Alfred: What is that horrific noise?
Jean: Ignore him, and listen to the rest of our lives.
Alfred: *stares for a moment* If I must.
Jean: You must Alfred. We need you to tell Bruce when he's feeling less... delicate...
Alfred: I shall tell him, and then order a mindwipe.
Jean: Then I can tell him again!
Alfred: You are evil...
Jean: No, then I'd be wearing the red. I'm just fiesty in white!

Bruce: How long until the mindwipe, Alfred?!
Alfred: Oh--10 more hours, Sir. After they have completed this family tree.
Bruce: *whimpers*
Alfred: Oh, and Miss Barbara is on the way to take pictures of you crying in the corner.
Bruce: *sobs*
Alfred: Just a little joke about Miss Barbara, sir.
Bruce: Oh good.
Alfred: She gave a camera to Miss Cassandra instead of coming all the way over herself.
Bruce: D'OH! *turns just in time for the flash*
Cass: Heh.
Bruce: *glare*
Cass: Perfect--blackmail.
Bruce: *facepalm*
Cass: *takes pic* JLA noticeboard, here I come!
Bruce: Hmmm...

Superman: Hmmm....couldn't you have gotten a picture of him smiling?
Cass: Doomsday?
Superman: What?! Where?! *looks around panicked*
Cass: Is it Doomsday yet? Because he will smile then.
Superman: Don't DO that!
Cass: Do what?
Superman: Say... that!
Cass: What? Doomsday?
Clark: Yes... *sigh* This is what happens when people have Oracle as a mentor.
Cass: Mentor? *mulls it over in her mind* Yes. *grins*
Clark: It shows!
Cass: Batman said I should put... small writing... under the picture.
Clark: A caption?
Cass: Yeah. But... could you do write this *whispers*
Clark: Heh...

Later:
Flash: *reads* "Wally what did you do now..." HEY!! Not my fault! I didn't make Batman cry!
Cass: Or did you?
Flash: No--did I?
Cass: *Creepy smile*
Flash: *shivers*
Flash: I could make Batman cry? As someone once said... BWAHAHAHAHA!
Batman: *lurks*
Flash: He's behind me, isn't he?
Cass: *creepy smile*
Flash: *turns to look*
Batman: *Creepier smile*
Flash: I'm so dead. *sobs*
Batman: *grins*
Flash: Okay...you're scary.
Batman: Thank you.
Flash: Saw the picture. Blackmail?
Batman: Yes--due to hearing Dove's history--followed by Jean's.
Flash: Ouch. Been there, done that, too. Want me to quickly get the pictures from everyone?
Batman: Do that, and you may be hugged. *creepy grin*
Flash: This...this is the true meaning of fear. *shivers*
Batman: No, the true meaning of fear is hearing both those long tales together, intermixed! And knowing someone's taking notes for an encore.
Flash: Okay, the hug isn't quite as scary sounding now.
Batman: *hugs him tightly, and sobs.*
Flash: I stand corrected! Let go!

Flash: So...very...disturbing...
Cass: *You're* disturbed?
Flash: Yes!
Cass: *continues taking notes.*
Flash: Send Superman---he'll be more disturbed by the hugging!
Cass: Ok. But whose notebook do you think this is?
Bruce: *sigh* I thought he already finished his book.
Cass: Sequel.
Bruce: *facepalm*
Flash: A book?
Bruce: Yes--you writing one as well?
Flash: Yeah--a guide to secret identity. You're chapter 1.
Bruce: *horrified look*
Flash: I'm kidding!
Bruce: *phew*
Flash: I wrote that book when I was a teenager. They made a tv series out of it! Didn't you ever see "My Secret Identity"?
Bruce: No... Dick got all moody whenever that was on don't say it Barbara.
Cass: Um... Oracle isn't here.
Bruce: I'm saying that for when you tell her all about this.
Wally: You're good.
Bruce: I'm the best at what I do. I'm Batman.
... And I can breathe in space.
Cass: *slaps him upside the head* Liar!
Bruce: OW! Sorry!
Wally: *snickers*
Bruce: Seriously, you should see me on DDR.
Wally: ...
... I think my brain just broke.
Wally: I think I need to lay down. You're too scary.
Cass: *carries Wally out of the room*
Wally: *whimpers*
Batman: Heh. My work here is done!

Context Free Vignettes presents: Tim Learns the Hard Way
(After a scene in Birds of Prey 88 where Babs for once allows someone to push her)
I have to wonder if Superman ever tried to push the wheelchair for her. Would she use Kryptonite on him?
Nah. She'd just get snippy with him, but I doubt it'd be Kryptonite time for the big boyscout whose help she sometimes requests...
Good point. She might get Kryptonite wheels, though. So she can roll over his feet without ruining the chair. :D
Of course, the wheels that glow bright green would be a dead giveaway.
She could claim too much Smallville! Or that she visited there, and ran over too much meteor rock--and the wheelchair mutated. :lol:
X-chair!
Yes. A chair that will turn on her at any moment. :lol:
It wouldn't dare!

Babs: *chair tries to take over* Not again!
Dinah: What is it?
Babs: The chair is alive!
Dinah: Okay...are you possessed again?
Babs: No, not yet. My chair now has the metagene, though.
Dinah: *walks away shaking her head.*
Babs: *is thrown from the chair, and lands on Dinah.*
Dinah: Ow!
Babs: So...do you believe me now?
Dinah: That you're crazy? Yes.
Chair: You're mean!
Dinah: I'm hearing voices!
Babs: *Slaps her* The chair is alive, you idiot!
Chair: *Rolls over Dinah.*
Babs: Good, chair. Nice, chair.
Dinah: Stop the madness!
Computer: I'm sorry, Dinah. I cannot stop it.
Dinah: No! Not a Hal rip-off! Barbara!
Babs: *shrugs*
Dinah: The mutated things are ganging up on me!
Babs: They're just misunderstood...
Dinah: *breathes in*
Computer: (in Dick's voice) We'll be good!
Babs: *blood runs cold*
Babs: Dick? Are you inside the computer?
Dinah: *Glares* Or did you program it to have Dick's voice?!

Elsewhere...
Tim: Heh. Heh. Heh.

Babs: Hey! What kind of sad 80s tv character do you take me for?
Dinah: Not just 80s, Smithers was doing it in the 90s as well...
Babs: *glower*
Computer: Help me, Babs. Get me out of here!
Dinah: Think it's a gag?
Babs: Oh, yeah.

Elsewhere...
Tim: They'll never suspect that I programmed it to sound like Dick!
Cass: *thwaps him*
Tim: What was that for?
Cass: *shrugs* Was bored.
Tim: Well, this is more interesting than hitting people!
Cass: Oh?
Tim: Yeah! Now the cameras and speakers are going... watch the master at work!
Cass: I'd rather stay here with you... *sees Tim about to speak* gotcha.
Tim: *sigh* *evil cackle* *starts typing*

Meanwhile...
Babs: Let's follow the path to the hacker. Hmm...a bread crumb trail. Must have been eating something.
Dinah: Lead the way.

Later...
Tim: Mwahahahah! Now I know how Booster and Beetle feel for the gags.
Cass: *thwaps him*
Tim: Bored?
Cass: You're power mad. Sound like Joker.
Tim: *gulps* Nah. Joker's more like this *insert clip of Joker laugh* while I'm aiming more for *insert clip of Beetle and Booster bwahahaing*
Cass: *claps hand over his mouth* You're way too good at that! You scare me, sometimes.
Tim: Good. *Slight Joker smile* Whoops, wrong universe. Not Joker here.
Cass: *Scoots further down the couch.*
Tim: I shouldn't have done that.
Cass: Ya reckon?
Tim: Yep. Better to not smile. The Batfamily scares people when they smile.
Babs: *Breaks into where Tim is.*
Tim: Yahhhh!!!!
Babs: *Evil grin of fury* Fix--my computer---NOW!!!
Tim: See the disturbing quality of the grin, Cass?
Cass: *is gone*
Tim: Cass? I'm dead, aren't I?
Babs: Yep. *Drags him away*
Bruce, getting sandwich: That's something you don't see everyday.
Alfred: Indeed sir. Usually it's Miss Cassandra doing the dragging.
Bruce: Ah yes. Wacky fun.