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seandcOk, how does talk about 90s comic crossovers (the kind that turned us *all* into Comic Book Guy) turn into a Borg invasion?
Context Free Theatre presents: Bruce of Borg
*Bruce gets assimilated.*
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg...
Off-Screen: Hey, that's my name!
Bruce: We are the collective--we can all use it!
Bruce: You will be assimilated.
Wally: And this is different from his regular personality, how?
Bruce: You will be destroyed! We will assimilate your intelligence--*think*--your powers, rather---into our collective.
(*wah-waaaaaaaaah!* Assimilation failed right there :lol: Not that any of our characters would be deterred, though...)
Clark: We don't have to do anything.
Diana: But we need to save him.
Clark: He's Batman. He'll get out of this in a few minutes.
Flash: *raises hand.*
Superman: Yes, Wally?
Flash: What happens if a Phoenix is assimilated, though? Would the Borg have their powers?
Superman: Good...question..
.
Meanwhile...
Borg: We are power and life incarnate! We...are...PHOENIXES!!!
Superman: D'oh!
Flash: What do we do?
Superman: Time for another Crisis! (as in the "Crisis on Multiple/Infinite Earths" which "rebooted" the DCU back in the 80s)
*assorted groans*
Superman: Well, do you want the universe to end like this?
Wonder Woman: *sigh* I don't want to be re-written back to the beginning again... and yes, I'm breaking the fourth wall, if we're having another Crisis it'll all disappear anyway!
*Batman appears--Phoenix symbol on his chest, also looking like a Borg.*
Superman: Batman? That you under all the mechanical stuff?
Batman: We are Locutus of Borg--and Batman.
Superman: I'll...take that as a yes.
J'onn: I'll call Alfred.
Batman: Alfred is all powerful...we must assimilate him into the collective to gain the recipes to his wonderful dishes.
Diana: Oh no you don't! Flash, your assistance now, please!
Wally: We fighting now?
Diana: No, rescuing!
Wally: Right! *zips off with Diana to save Alfred*
Meanwhile:
Clark: Oracle? It's me... look, can you get Nightwing up here now? Kind of needing some Phoenix help now to reset the universe... Bruce? Why do you think I need Dick's help in the first place... *feels a blunted poking in his shoulder and turns* Stop that!
Bruce: My assimilation tubules are broken.
Clark: Serves you right for trying to assimilate me.
Bruce: Fix my tubules.
Clark: No.
Bruce: You are not aware we have added Batman's powers to our collective. *puppy dog eyes.*
Clark: That doesn't work with him being assimilated. No emotion behind it.
Bruce: We must assimilate emotions? Does not compute.
Clark: Just wait until Oracle gets here. Please?
Outside: A dark shape crosses the sun - too small to make out from the surface, but closer inspection reveals a cube. A cube with winged firey shapes leaving it.
Clark: *Watches Phoenix go about 50 feet from the cube--before sputtering out.*
J'onn: It would seem that The Phoenix cannot be controlled by The Collective. As you said, there is no emotion behind it. Only Batman can control it.
Batman: We are Locutus of Borg.
Wally: Oh, shut up! We know that.
Batman: We...we have nothing else to say! *wibble.*
Wally: I made a Borg cry? Wow!
Nightwing: Batman was assimilated? Are you sure you haven't been watching a Star Trek marathon again? Oh? They're real?
Babs: What's going on?
Nightwing: Batman was assimilated by The Borg, and the universe is going to end unless the Phoenixes stop him.
Babs: *slaps him* Next time? Just tell me it's none of my business.
Nightwing: I was telling the truth!
Babs: Really? Well, you do know better than to lie to me...
Dick: That's for sure *rubs cheek* I need you to distract the Borg for a minute - I have an idea...
The Watchtower, 5 minutes later...
Babs: Just remember next time the chair doesn't have handles for a reason, Wally! Now, you made Borgy-Bruce cry? Excellent!
Wally: Well, you really are an inspiration there...
Babs: *laughs* Ah, you've been talking to Tim - gold star for complimenting randomly, both of you!
Wally: Really? Where?
Babs: Keep looking... *heads inside* Ah, Bruce of Borg...
Bruce: I am... Locutus... I mean, we are...
Wally: What did I say?
Babs: Well, I keep saying you should find out more about computers like me, good to see you're taking my advice...
Bruce: We are Locutus of Borg...*Attempts to stab the assimilation tubules into Babs.*
Babs: What are you doing?
Bruce: We forgot. SOMEONE broke our assimilation tubing.
Babs: Ok. That was odd.
Bruce: We wish to assimilate your vast intelligence into our collective. Please repair the tubing.
Babs: Oooh. You think I'm intelligent?
Nightwing: *facepalm.*
Dick: Darling, we all *know* how intelligent you are - enough to see through such transparent complimenting...
Babs: But I like compliments...
Dick: I know, but try!
Babs: Aren't you meant to be gone?
Dick: Oh yeah! *departs*
Bruce: Hello? Please repair the tubing! *Attempts to send telepathic distress message to Borg.*
J'onn: Stop that this instant! Superman, he is attempting to signal the rest of the Borg.
Superman: Why are you doing that, Batman?
Bruce: For the last time: We are Locutus of Borg. We need to be repaired. Our assimilation tubules broke!
Superman: Ah, a sign of annoyance! Bruce is still in there!
Bruce: We will commence facepalm in 4 seconds.
*4 seconds later.*: *facepalm.*
Meanwhile, The White Hot Room:
Phoenix-Babs: It's a big ask to restore a universe *right*, Dick. Even the White Phoenix needs help to do it right. But I might know someone who knows someone.
Dick: Well, lead on. We need to get this done right, otherwise we'll be swimming in Borg, Phoenixised or no...
PBabs: She won't work with them. They can't control her, they'll find out soon enough if they haven't already...
*fade out*
*fade in*
Rachel: I think he might be able to arrange things - old teammates do eachother favours, yes?
Dick: Sure do, at least where I come from. The things we face we need to watch eachothers backs - and we're the only ones who understand what it means to wear a costume.
Rachel: Tell me about it. You have a gro... well, mob, really, called Purity?
Dick: If it's what I think, not so much. Organised?
Rachel: More and more each day. Especially after Manhattan. I'm glad Pryde handed some of them their hats... ah, here we are.
Dick: Here? Very different from any part of the White Hot Room I've been in.
Rachel: It's not part of it. It's different again. Come on. *knocks* Brian?
Meanwhile, at the Watchtower...
Alfred *on the phone*: Master Bruce is a Borg? Dear me! And he wants to assimilate me because of my cooking?! Dear me! Put him on the phone. Hello? Master Bruce?
Bruce: We are Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated into our collective.
Alfred: Oh, do shut up! I raised Bruce Wayne. I know he's in there--so close those mechanical lips and let him speak! And you know what I can do if you don't cooperate!
Bruce: Eep!
Alfred: Now, then. Put Master Clark back on the line.
Clark: What did you say to him? He's cowering in the corner.
*Wonder Woman and Flash shrug*
Diana: And we thought he needed rescuing. Silly us.
Bruce: We must hide--must get to the collective...
J'onn: And why is that?
Bruce: Because Alfred is more powerful than us. We must make him our leader. Or flee this sector.
Clark: *facepalm.*
Alfred: *over intercom* I will not be your leader, Sir! I will begin to show your baby pictures once I arrive, though. Until you come back to yourself!
Clark: You're going to show us Batman's baby pictures?
Alfred: Until he is thoroughly embarrassed.
Diana: *amused look.*
Bruce: Preliminary assimilation efforts failing... initiating primary backup assimilation protocols.
Babs: But things are looking up for our amusement efforts!
J'onn *looks up from a screen* Team Luthor are sortie-ing against the Borg - they're outnumbered though.
Bruce: Resistance is futile, even with baby pictures. You will all serve us.
Bruce: We cannot be defeated.
J'onn: Really? Are you able to assimilate a Martian?
Bruce: No...that did not work in the past...
J'onn: You can be defeated! Shall I probe your mind?
Bruce: NO ALIEN PROBES!!!!
Clark: That was Bruce for a moment. I think.
Bruce: No alien probes. Only nanoprobes are relevant. Autorepair will fix my assimilation tubules in two minutes.
J'onn: Even though you can't assimilate us all?
Bruce: We will prevail.
Clark: Even though you can't touch J'onn or me?
Bruce: We will find a solution in time. We will prevail. *turns* Stop that.
Babs: *trying to attach a cable from her laptop to his arm* What? :angel:
*a tv newscast shows Borg materialising in a city centre and doing what they do best*
Bruce: Even if you stop this drone, you cannot resist the collective. Your world will fall.
J'onn: I'll take a deus ex machina for $400, Alex...
Starlight Citadel, Otherworld:
Dick: You're sure this will work?
Brian, once Captain Britain: No. But it's the best idea I've got. And I owe Rachel that much to try.
Bruce: You will cease your attempts to connect me to your laptop.
Babs: Why? I have broadband--aren't you compatible with Curtains?
Bruce: Because that is not what I was designed to do. And I pity your choice of hardware. Curtains? Bah!
Babs: Even a Borg hates Curtains. Ha! And you said "I." Got ya!
Dick: When you finish taunting the Borg let me know. We're thinking up solutions.
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg!
Babs: You said I, again! Who's a cute little Borg Man?
Dick: Stop taunting the Borg.
Babs: I'm not. I'm taunting Bruce.
Dick: Well, that makes all the difference...
Babs: Aren't you meant to be fixing everything anyway?
Dick: Um... I wanted to see you before everything goes down?
Babs: Nice save. *smiles briefly* Sweet, but really, you got something or not? What goes down so far is Team Luthor, and it's not as if we've got a fleet of spaceships to defend us. J'onn says they're over half the country now, and cities are starting to fall.
Dick: We think we have so... *listens to something only he can hear* I have to go. If it works... well, you'll never know I was gone. Bye.
Starlight Citadel:
Roma: Are you sure you want to do this? Not even I'm sure it can be contained like this.
Brian: I know - but that world is doomed anyway if we don't do it.
Roma: I've seen it already, so many variants where it falls...
Rachel: *muffled "I see it too", a splutter as she drops a tool from her mouth* We've got it narrowed down. The celestial nullifier should now work on a rather more limited scale. Thanks Brian.
Brian: Anytime, really. Now we just need the star of the hour.
Dick: I'm here.
Brian: It's ready.
Rachel: The proof's in the pudding, there's nothing more we can do.
Roma: You know the risks?
Dick: Yeah, I know. I'll either get rid of The Borg, or destroy the universe. Not much choice. *watches a portal back, as things get worse as cities fall, and more Borg attack the Watchtower*
Roma: It's your world - you should be the one to do it.
Rachel: Someone once said - it's Phoenix work.
Dick: *crosses to the nullifier* Thank you. All of you. *presses control*
*burn to white*
Selina: Oh Bruuuce... do come out to play!
Bruce: *appears at door with a ball of wool* Um... hi, Selina!
Dick, looking around: It worked!
Bruce and Selina turn: What worked?
Dick: I... a bit more, I think, though... *vanishes*
Bruce: What was all that about?
Selina: How would I know? I wasn't watching for a...
*burn to white*
Alfred: Hurry up, Master Bruce! You'll be late!
Bruce, fidgeting with fancy clothes: I'm coming, old friend. Although I still don't see why I'm needed at this party...
Alfred: It'll do you good to get out of that cave once in a while, as someone other than the Bat.
Bruce: I suppose...
Dick: Made it!
Alfred: Master Dick? I thought you were already at the party?
Dick: I was. Um, I just needed to... check the TIVO. Can't miss the Simpsons.
Bruce: Ah, yes, that reminds me...
Alfred: AH! Go!, boys, now! Give an old man some time to himself.
Dick: Sure thing Alfred! Don't wait up! Oh, and Bruce? Don't try the punch - I overheard some plans....
Rewind complete
Or is it?
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg.
Dick: Not again!
Bruce: What? Just quoting something on television.
Because sometimes interruptions strike at the most inconvenient of times, some tales don't get finished.
One such, the tale resolving some of the "little things" about the state of things in the DCU:
Context Free Elseworlds Vignettes presents: The Dallas Factor
After all the recent happenings in the DCU, it's time to weave a different future...
Anna1:
It (Batman 644) should end like this :D
Bruce: You...killed Steph? AHHHH!!!!
Alfred: What's wrong, Master Bruce?
Bruce: Leslie killed Stephanie.
Alfred: Sir, that was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.
Bruce: Isn't Stephanie dead? What about the Gang War? Black Mask in charge of the city?
Alfred: Sir, Stephanie isn't dead. There was no Gang War to my knowledge. Black Mask hasn't been seen in years. One can infer that was all a horribly vivid dream you had.
Bruce: Then...I'm not dating Selina?
Alfred: No, Sir. You are married to her.
Bruce: Oh, good. Night, Alfred.
Alfred: Good night, Master Bruce. *rolls his eyes at the absurdity.*
Tim: Hey, Bruce.
Bruce: Tim! Why aren't you in Bludhaven? Is your father dead?
Tim: Uh...he never died. And I'm not in Bludhaven because I live in Gotham. What's your problem?
Bruce: Is Sue Dibney dead? *shakes him.*
Tim: No! Let go!
Bruce: What about Blue Beetle? Is Brother I in orbit?
Tim: No! And what's Brother I?!
Bruce: It was all a dream!!!!
Alfred: He's been like this since he had a nightmare, Young Sir.
Tim: Insane, then?
Alfred: Presumably.
Bruce: I can go back to having Clark chase me around the Watchtower! Yes!
Tim: Definitely insane.
Alfred: You grab his arms, I'll grab his legs. We can force him into the straitjacket together.
Tim: *rolls his eyes and leaves.*
Dick: You're in a strange frame of mind.
Bruce: *hugs him.*
Dick: He's possessed! Help!
Alfred: He's just had a nightmare. Presumably not It's A Wonderful Life, either.
Bruce: You didn't kill Blockbuster?
Dick: *blinks* Why would I kill a movie rental chain?
Bruce: *facepalm.*
Dick: Just *what* is going on?
Tim: He just woke up and now he's talking about all sorts of weird things happening that didn't happen.
Dick: Maybe he's from another dimension?
Bruce: No, how would I get here from there?
Tim: Maybe you're pretending you don't know how you got here so you can fool us into thinking you're the real Bruce when you really sent him away somewhere...
Bruce:...
...Maybe that's what I want you to think, Robin. *wry smile*
Dick: Gah! That's it, I'm going to bed...
*Dick dreams, and hears impossible things... meow! meow!... Alfred Pennyworth, for shame!... I am fire and life incarnate... We're leaving Gotham... I thought he was the wicked... add your biological and
technological... someone who knows someone who can help...*
Dick: AHHHH!!!!
Alfred: What is the matter, Master Dick?
Dick: *grabs Alfred* Am I Phoenix?! Is Bruce a Borg?!
Alfred: No, you are not a Phoenix. Of course Master Bruce isn't a Borg! Honestly! You people and your dreams...
Bruce: No, I'm not in the wrong reality, I'm in the right one.
Tim: Huh?
Bruce: *Stands on a chair and gets ready to jump.*
Tim: Do you think you're Superman? Should I call Arkham?
Bruce: *jumps and falls to the floor* No...not Arkham. Leslie?
Tim: You ok?
Bruce: No...ow...
Meanwhile, Elsewhere:
PBabs: Just as you thought. They've forgotten.
Rachel: Their timelines are looking almost as bad as mine.
PAlfred: Do we give them their full memories back? Or allow them to forget and to play with reset buttons more?
Both: Shhhh...
PAlfred: *eyetwinkle*
Bruce: Heh. Well, I was a Phoenix at one point.
Alfred: Master Bruce, for the thousandth time--it was a dream!!!
Bruce: Was No Man's Land real?
Alfred: Yes--finally some actual memories.
Tim: *stares*
Bruce: Oh, and Alfred? You and Barbara had evil laughter contests once a month!
Alfred: That should have been proof that it was a dream in that moment, Master Bruce! Honestly!
Dick: Now, hang on a moment... sure, it doesn't sound much like *you*, Alfred, but it definately sounds like Babs!
Tim: Oooohhh...
Dick: And if I'm awake... three... two... one...
Cass: *enters and smacks Dick upside the head* Oracle told me to come and do that now.
Do I send back a message?
Dick: Yeah. Tell her that the All Knowing and All Powerful Oracle was right--as usual.
Bruce: Cass? Aren't you going to carry Tim away?
Tim: What?!
Cass: Never done this before. *eyes Tim.*
Bruce: You haven't? Don't you two have feelings for each other?
Tim: Yeah...but she's never carried me.
Cass: Let us see. *carries Tim away.* Neat. *carries him back.*
Tim: *glares.*
Dick: Wow, our dreams are coming true!
Bruce: Yes, Tim is certainly throwing himself into the role of... well, himself...
Tim: If either of you say anything about being "carried away"...
Alfred: *in the next room, gets on the drums* ba-dum-TISH!
Tim: Argh!
Cass: You seem... tense. I can notice these things...
Here we were interrupted by...discussion of the scans of All Star Batman (more reason for these tales) and it's relevant, for it brings this scenario to mind:
Anna1:
Also? I can just imagine Batman's reaction if he had a nightmare about The Dark Knight Returns. :D
Bruce: You're not The Joker?!
Dick: NO!
Bruce: You didn't kill my parents?!
Dick: I wasn't born yet, and NO!!!!
Bruce: I haven't thrown you into a pit of lava?!
Dick: NO! And don't ever even think of doing that to me!
Bruce: Hmmmm :P
Dick: Stop thinking about it! Or I'll tell Selina about a certain Christmas party...
Bruce: Since when do I do parties?
Dick: Well, I did change the past...
Bruce: That was my nightmare!
Dick: I changed the past--you shouldn't remember anything!
Bruce: Really? Were you Phoenix, too?
Dick: Probably?
Bruce: I dare you to jump off that chair--we'll see!
Dick: *Climbs chair--jumps and falls.* OW!
Bruce: You're not a Phoenix!
Dick: When I rewrote the past I erased being a Phoenix...ow...medic!
Alfred: *overhears, sighs and simply leaves.*
Bruce: *gives him a hand up* You see what happens when you play with the timeline?
Dick: I thought it'd be better for all of us if you didn't get drunk that night.
Bruce: Thank you anyway - and don't you wish you were still a Phoenix so you could heal better?
Dick: Yeah...
Jean: *watches, and thinks*
And here we ended suddenly - the Elseworlds tale - donut rain optional.
Context Free Theatre presents: Bruce of Borg
*Bruce gets assimilated.*
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg...
Off-Screen: Hey, that's my name!
Bruce: We are the collective--we can all use it!
Bruce: You will be assimilated.
Wally: And this is different from his regular personality, how?
Bruce: You will be destroyed! We will assimilate your intelligence--*think*--your powers, rather---into our collective.
(*wah-waaaaaaaaah!* Assimilation failed right there :lol: Not that any of our characters would be deterred, though...)
Clark: We don't have to do anything.
Diana: But we need to save him.
Clark: He's Batman. He'll get out of this in a few minutes.
Flash: *raises hand.*
Superman: Yes, Wally?
Flash: What happens if a Phoenix is assimilated, though? Would the Borg have their powers?
Superman: Good...question..
.
Meanwhile...
Borg: We are power and life incarnate! We...are...PHOENIXES!!!
Superman: D'oh!
Flash: What do we do?
Superman: Time for another Crisis! (as in the "Crisis on Multiple/Infinite Earths" which "rebooted" the DCU back in the 80s)
*assorted groans*
Superman: Well, do you want the universe to end like this?
Wonder Woman: *sigh* I don't want to be re-written back to the beginning again... and yes, I'm breaking the fourth wall, if we're having another Crisis it'll all disappear anyway!
*Batman appears--Phoenix symbol on his chest, also looking like a Borg.*
Superman: Batman? That you under all the mechanical stuff?
Batman: We are Locutus of Borg--and Batman.
Superman: I'll...take that as a yes.
J'onn: I'll call Alfred.
Batman: Alfred is all powerful...we must assimilate him into the collective to gain the recipes to his wonderful dishes.
Diana: Oh no you don't! Flash, your assistance now, please!
Wally: We fighting now?
Diana: No, rescuing!
Wally: Right! *zips off with Diana to save Alfred*
Meanwhile:
Clark: Oracle? It's me... look, can you get Nightwing up here now? Kind of needing some Phoenix help now to reset the universe... Bruce? Why do you think I need Dick's help in the first place... *feels a blunted poking in his shoulder and turns* Stop that!
Bruce: My assimilation tubules are broken.
Clark: Serves you right for trying to assimilate me.
Bruce: Fix my tubules.
Clark: No.
Bruce: You are not aware we have added Batman's powers to our collective. *puppy dog eyes.*
Clark: That doesn't work with him being assimilated. No emotion behind it.
Bruce: We must assimilate emotions? Does not compute.
Clark: Just wait until Oracle gets here. Please?
Outside: A dark shape crosses the sun - too small to make out from the surface, but closer inspection reveals a cube. A cube with winged firey shapes leaving it.
Clark: *Watches Phoenix go about 50 feet from the cube--before sputtering out.*
J'onn: It would seem that The Phoenix cannot be controlled by The Collective. As you said, there is no emotion behind it. Only Batman can control it.
Batman: We are Locutus of Borg.
Wally: Oh, shut up! We know that.
Batman: We...we have nothing else to say! *wibble.*
Wally: I made a Borg cry? Wow!
Nightwing: Batman was assimilated? Are you sure you haven't been watching a Star Trek marathon again? Oh? They're real?
Babs: What's going on?
Nightwing: Batman was assimilated by The Borg, and the universe is going to end unless the Phoenixes stop him.
Babs: *slaps him* Next time? Just tell me it's none of my business.
Nightwing: I was telling the truth!
Babs: Really? Well, you do know better than to lie to me...
Dick: That's for sure *rubs cheek* I need you to distract the Borg for a minute - I have an idea...
The Watchtower, 5 minutes later...
Babs: Just remember next time the chair doesn't have handles for a reason, Wally! Now, you made Borgy-Bruce cry? Excellent!
Wally: Well, you really are an inspiration there...
Babs: *laughs* Ah, you've been talking to Tim - gold star for complimenting randomly, both of you!
Wally: Really? Where?
Babs: Keep looking... *heads inside* Ah, Bruce of Borg...
Bruce: I am... Locutus... I mean, we are...
Wally: What did I say?
Babs: Well, I keep saying you should find out more about computers like me, good to see you're taking my advice...
Bruce: We are Locutus of Borg...*Attempts to stab the assimilation tubules into Babs.*
Babs: What are you doing?
Bruce: We forgot. SOMEONE broke our assimilation tubing.
Babs: Ok. That was odd.
Bruce: We wish to assimilate your vast intelligence into our collective. Please repair the tubing.
Babs: Oooh. You think I'm intelligent?
Nightwing: *facepalm.*
Dick: Darling, we all *know* how intelligent you are - enough to see through such transparent complimenting...
Babs: But I like compliments...
Dick: I know, but try!
Babs: Aren't you meant to be gone?
Dick: Oh yeah! *departs*
Bruce: Hello? Please repair the tubing! *Attempts to send telepathic distress message to Borg.*
J'onn: Stop that this instant! Superman, he is attempting to signal the rest of the Borg.
Superman: Why are you doing that, Batman?
Bruce: For the last time: We are Locutus of Borg. We need to be repaired. Our assimilation tubules broke!
Superman: Ah, a sign of annoyance! Bruce is still in there!
Bruce: We will commence facepalm in 4 seconds.
*4 seconds later.*: *facepalm.*
Meanwhile, The White Hot Room:
Phoenix-Babs: It's a big ask to restore a universe *right*, Dick. Even the White Phoenix needs help to do it right. But I might know someone who knows someone.
Dick: Well, lead on. We need to get this done right, otherwise we'll be swimming in Borg, Phoenixised or no...
PBabs: She won't work with them. They can't control her, they'll find out soon enough if they haven't already...
*fade out*
*fade in*
Rachel: I think he might be able to arrange things - old teammates do eachother favours, yes?
Dick: Sure do, at least where I come from. The things we face we need to watch eachothers backs - and we're the only ones who understand what it means to wear a costume.
Rachel: Tell me about it. You have a gro... well, mob, really, called Purity?
Dick: If it's what I think, not so much. Organised?
Rachel: More and more each day. Especially after Manhattan. I'm glad Pryde handed some of them their hats... ah, here we are.
Dick: Here? Very different from any part of the White Hot Room I've been in.
Rachel: It's not part of it. It's different again. Come on. *knocks* Brian?
Meanwhile, at the Watchtower...
Alfred *on the phone*: Master Bruce is a Borg? Dear me! And he wants to assimilate me because of my cooking?! Dear me! Put him on the phone. Hello? Master Bruce?
Bruce: We are Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated into our collective.
Alfred: Oh, do shut up! I raised Bruce Wayne. I know he's in there--so close those mechanical lips and let him speak! And you know what I can do if you don't cooperate!
Bruce: Eep!
Alfred: Now, then. Put Master Clark back on the line.
Clark: What did you say to him? He's cowering in the corner.
*Wonder Woman and Flash shrug*
Diana: And we thought he needed rescuing. Silly us.
Bruce: We must hide--must get to the collective...
J'onn: And why is that?
Bruce: Because Alfred is more powerful than us. We must make him our leader. Or flee this sector.
Clark: *facepalm.*
Alfred: *over intercom* I will not be your leader, Sir! I will begin to show your baby pictures once I arrive, though. Until you come back to yourself!
Clark: You're going to show us Batman's baby pictures?
Alfred: Until he is thoroughly embarrassed.
Diana: *amused look.*
Bruce: Preliminary assimilation efforts failing... initiating primary backup assimilation protocols.
Babs: But things are looking up for our amusement efforts!
J'onn *looks up from a screen* Team Luthor are sortie-ing against the Borg - they're outnumbered though.
Bruce: Resistance is futile, even with baby pictures. You will all serve us.
Bruce: We cannot be defeated.
J'onn: Really? Are you able to assimilate a Martian?
Bruce: No...that did not work in the past...
J'onn: You can be defeated! Shall I probe your mind?
Bruce: NO ALIEN PROBES!!!!
Clark: That was Bruce for a moment. I think.
Bruce: No alien probes. Only nanoprobes are relevant. Autorepair will fix my assimilation tubules in two minutes.
J'onn: Even though you can't assimilate us all?
Bruce: We will prevail.
Clark: Even though you can't touch J'onn or me?
Bruce: We will find a solution in time. We will prevail. *turns* Stop that.
Babs: *trying to attach a cable from her laptop to his arm* What? :angel:
*a tv newscast shows Borg materialising in a city centre and doing what they do best*
Bruce: Even if you stop this drone, you cannot resist the collective. Your world will fall.
J'onn: I'll take a deus ex machina for $400, Alex...
Starlight Citadel, Otherworld:
Dick: You're sure this will work?
Brian, once Captain Britain: No. But it's the best idea I've got. And I owe Rachel that much to try.
Bruce: You will cease your attempts to connect me to your laptop.
Babs: Why? I have broadband--aren't you compatible with Curtains?
Bruce: Because that is not what I was designed to do. And I pity your choice of hardware. Curtains? Bah!
Babs: Even a Borg hates Curtains. Ha! And you said "I." Got ya!
Dick: When you finish taunting the Borg let me know. We're thinking up solutions.
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg!
Babs: You said I, again! Who's a cute little Borg Man?
Dick: Stop taunting the Borg.
Babs: I'm not. I'm taunting Bruce.
Dick: Well, that makes all the difference...
Babs: Aren't you meant to be fixing everything anyway?
Dick: Um... I wanted to see you before everything goes down?
Babs: Nice save. *smiles briefly* Sweet, but really, you got something or not? What goes down so far is Team Luthor, and it's not as if we've got a fleet of spaceships to defend us. J'onn says they're over half the country now, and cities are starting to fall.
Dick: We think we have so... *listens to something only he can hear* I have to go. If it works... well, you'll never know I was gone. Bye.
Starlight Citadel:
Roma: Are you sure you want to do this? Not even I'm sure it can be contained like this.
Brian: I know - but that world is doomed anyway if we don't do it.
Roma: I've seen it already, so many variants where it falls...
Rachel: *muffled "I see it too", a splutter as she drops a tool from her mouth* We've got it narrowed down. The celestial nullifier should now work on a rather more limited scale. Thanks Brian.
Brian: Anytime, really. Now we just need the star of the hour.
Dick: I'm here.
Brian: It's ready.
Rachel: The proof's in the pudding, there's nothing more we can do.
Roma: You know the risks?
Dick: Yeah, I know. I'll either get rid of The Borg, or destroy the universe. Not much choice. *watches a portal back, as things get worse as cities fall, and more Borg attack the Watchtower*
Roma: It's your world - you should be the one to do it.
Rachel: Someone once said - it's Phoenix work.
Dick: *crosses to the nullifier* Thank you. All of you. *presses control*
*burn to white*
Selina: Oh Bruuuce... do come out to play!
Bruce: *appears at door with a ball of wool* Um... hi, Selina!
Dick, looking around: It worked!
Bruce and Selina turn: What worked?
Dick: I... a bit more, I think, though... *vanishes*
Bruce: What was all that about?
Selina: How would I know? I wasn't watching for a...
*burn to white*
Alfred: Hurry up, Master Bruce! You'll be late!
Bruce, fidgeting with fancy clothes: I'm coming, old friend. Although I still don't see why I'm needed at this party...
Alfred: It'll do you good to get out of that cave once in a while, as someone other than the Bat.
Bruce: I suppose...
Dick: Made it!
Alfred: Master Dick? I thought you were already at the party?
Dick: I was. Um, I just needed to... check the TIVO. Can't miss the Simpsons.
Bruce: Ah, yes, that reminds me...
Alfred: AH! Go!, boys, now! Give an old man some time to himself.
Dick: Sure thing Alfred! Don't wait up! Oh, and Bruce? Don't try the punch - I overheard some plans....
Rewind complete
Or is it?
Bruce: I am Locutus of Borg.
Dick: Not again!
Bruce: What? Just quoting something on television.
Because sometimes interruptions strike at the most inconvenient of times, some tales don't get finished.
One such, the tale resolving some of the "little things" about the state of things in the DCU:
Context Free Elseworlds Vignettes presents: The Dallas Factor
After all the recent happenings in the DCU, it's time to weave a different future...
Anna1:
It (Batman 644) should end like this :D
Bruce: You...killed Steph? AHHHH!!!!
Alfred: What's wrong, Master Bruce?
Bruce: Leslie killed Stephanie.
Alfred: Sir, that was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.
Bruce: Isn't Stephanie dead? What about the Gang War? Black Mask in charge of the city?
Alfred: Sir, Stephanie isn't dead. There was no Gang War to my knowledge. Black Mask hasn't been seen in years. One can infer that was all a horribly vivid dream you had.
Bruce: Then...I'm not dating Selina?
Alfred: No, Sir. You are married to her.
Bruce: Oh, good. Night, Alfred.
Alfred: Good night, Master Bruce. *rolls his eyes at the absurdity.*
Tim: Hey, Bruce.
Bruce: Tim! Why aren't you in Bludhaven? Is your father dead?
Tim: Uh...he never died. And I'm not in Bludhaven because I live in Gotham. What's your problem?
Bruce: Is Sue Dibney dead? *shakes him.*
Tim: No! Let go!
Bruce: What about Blue Beetle? Is Brother I in orbit?
Tim: No! And what's Brother I?!
Bruce: It was all a dream!!!!
Alfred: He's been like this since he had a nightmare, Young Sir.
Tim: Insane, then?
Alfred: Presumably.
Bruce: I can go back to having Clark chase me around the Watchtower! Yes!
Tim: Definitely insane.
Alfred: You grab his arms, I'll grab his legs. We can force him into the straitjacket together.
Tim: *rolls his eyes and leaves.*
Dick: You're in a strange frame of mind.
Bruce: *hugs him.*
Dick: He's possessed! Help!
Alfred: He's just had a nightmare. Presumably not It's A Wonderful Life, either.
Bruce: You didn't kill Blockbuster?
Dick: *blinks* Why would I kill a movie rental chain?
Bruce: *facepalm.*
Dick: Just *what* is going on?
Tim: He just woke up and now he's talking about all sorts of weird things happening that didn't happen.
Dick: Maybe he's from another dimension?
Bruce: No, how would I get here from there?
Tim: Maybe you're pretending you don't know how you got here so you can fool us into thinking you're the real Bruce when you really sent him away somewhere...
Bruce:...
...Maybe that's what I want you to think, Robin. *wry smile*
Dick: Gah! That's it, I'm going to bed...
*Dick dreams, and hears impossible things... meow! meow!... Alfred Pennyworth, for shame!... I am fire and life incarnate... We're leaving Gotham... I thought he was the wicked... add your biological and
technological... someone who knows someone who can help...*
Dick: AHHHH!!!!
Alfred: What is the matter, Master Dick?
Dick: *grabs Alfred* Am I Phoenix?! Is Bruce a Borg?!
Alfred: No, you are not a Phoenix. Of course Master Bruce isn't a Borg! Honestly! You people and your dreams...
Bruce: No, I'm not in the wrong reality, I'm in the right one.
Tim: Huh?
Bruce: *Stands on a chair and gets ready to jump.*
Tim: Do you think you're Superman? Should I call Arkham?
Bruce: *jumps and falls to the floor* No...not Arkham. Leslie?
Tim: You ok?
Bruce: No...ow...
Meanwhile, Elsewhere:
PBabs: Just as you thought. They've forgotten.
Rachel: Their timelines are looking almost as bad as mine.
PAlfred: Do we give them their full memories back? Or allow them to forget and to play with reset buttons more?
Both: Shhhh...
PAlfred: *eyetwinkle*
Bruce: Heh. Well, I was a Phoenix at one point.
Alfred: Master Bruce, for the thousandth time--it was a dream!!!
Bruce: Was No Man's Land real?
Alfred: Yes--finally some actual memories.
Tim: *stares*
Bruce: Oh, and Alfred? You and Barbara had evil laughter contests once a month!
Alfred: That should have been proof that it was a dream in that moment, Master Bruce! Honestly!
Dick: Now, hang on a moment... sure, it doesn't sound much like *you*, Alfred, but it definately sounds like Babs!
Tim: Oooohhh...
Dick: And if I'm awake... three... two... one...
Cass: *enters and smacks Dick upside the head* Oracle told me to come and do that now.
Do I send back a message?
Dick: Yeah. Tell her that the All Knowing and All Powerful Oracle was right--as usual.
Bruce: Cass? Aren't you going to carry Tim away?
Tim: What?!
Cass: Never done this before. *eyes Tim.*
Bruce: You haven't? Don't you two have feelings for each other?
Tim: Yeah...but she's never carried me.
Cass: Let us see. *carries Tim away.* Neat. *carries him back.*
Tim: *glares.*
Dick: Wow, our dreams are coming true!
Bruce: Yes, Tim is certainly throwing himself into the role of... well, himself...
Tim: If either of you say anything about being "carried away"...
Alfred: *in the next room, gets on the drums* ba-dum-TISH!
Tim: Argh!
Cass: You seem... tense. I can notice these things...
Here we were interrupted by...discussion of the scans of All Star Batman (more reason for these tales) and it's relevant, for it brings this scenario to mind:
Anna1:
Also? I can just imagine Batman's reaction if he had a nightmare about The Dark Knight Returns. :D
Bruce: You're not The Joker?!
Dick: NO!
Bruce: You didn't kill my parents?!
Dick: I wasn't born yet, and NO!!!!
Bruce: I haven't thrown you into a pit of lava?!
Dick: NO! And don't ever even think of doing that to me!
Bruce: Hmmmm :P
Dick: Stop thinking about it! Or I'll tell Selina about a certain Christmas party...
Bruce: Since when do I do parties?
Dick: Well, I did change the past...
Bruce: That was my nightmare!
Dick: I changed the past--you shouldn't remember anything!
Bruce: Really? Were you Phoenix, too?
Dick: Probably?
Bruce: I dare you to jump off that chair--we'll see!
Dick: *Climbs chair--jumps and falls.* OW!
Bruce: You're not a Phoenix!
Dick: When I rewrote the past I erased being a Phoenix...ow...medic!
Alfred: *overhears, sighs and simply leaves.*
Bruce: *gives him a hand up* You see what happens when you play with the timeline?
Dick: I thought it'd be better for all of us if you didn't get drunk that night.
Bruce: Thank you anyway - and don't you wish you were still a Phoenix so you could heal better?
Dick: Yeah...
Jean: *watches, and thinks*
And here we ended suddenly - the Elseworlds tale - donut rain optional.
