Context Free Theatre - Freud's Pizzas

[seandc]

Join a certain Detective as he retraces the steps a certain other Detective may have taken...


Context Free Theatre presents: Bruce and Quincy meet Sigmund Freud

Just, don't ask what time frame this is from, we're just playing with the Freud-Dude (and no, I can't resist the Bill and Ted comments on this one)

Quincy: BEEEEEEESSSS!!!!
Batman: What's that Quincy? We have to go to Vienna?
Alfred: *facepalm.*
Tim: Why do I feel like I live with Timmy and Lassie?
Cass: *enters with a pack of dogs* They followed me home - can I keep them? :D
Alfred: Miss Cassandra, you have made things worse. And the answer is no.
Batman: Be good and you'll get a soup snack.
Tim: My point is made. Case closed.
Alfred: *facepalm a few more times.*
Cass: Oh. Ok. *grabs Tim* *He's* followed me home - can I keep him? :D
Alfred: I thought you already did...

*Batman takes Quincy and leaves. Alfred goes to take a nap from the chaos.*
Batman: Now...why did I come to Vienna?
Freud: Ah, you must be the patient I was expecting!
Batman: NOOOOO!!!!!
Freud: *drags him inside.*
Batman: I don't want to be analyzed!
Freud: Tell me about your mother...
Batman: *facepalm.*
Freud: Come, come Mr. Holmes. Take off the costume.
Batman: I'm not Sherlock Holmes!
Freud: Ah, denial. Tell me about yourself...
Batman: I'm not in denial... d'oh!
Freud: Aha!
Batman: *looks out the window* Where are they?
Freud: Where are who?
Batman: Oh, just a couple of people I expect to show up soon.
Freud: Friends of yours?
Batman: Of yours, you could say.
Freud: Mm-hm. Well, from the way you're looking up at the sky, it seems you're waiting for a couple of young men I met yesterday...
Batman: Yesterday? Bogus. *sigh*

Batman: Maybe you've heard of Alfred Pennyworth?
Freud: Imaginary friend?
Batman: No, my butler!
Freud: *writes down* Delusions of grandeur--mostly harmless.
Batman: Where's Quincy?
Freud: Imaginary friend?
Batman: NO! Normal friend that screams about bees until you feed him soup.
Freud: ....
Batman: It's true!
Freud: Come with me...I'll find you a nice padded room where you will have no more worries...
Batman: ALFRED!!!! HELP!!!!
Freud: Halluncinations as well...hmmm...

*phone rings*
Freud: Hello? Oh? I'd like to hear it from him. Driven, you say? Yes, with his physique it's possible. Oh? *hands over the phone* It's for you.
Bruce: Batman. Go.
Babs: Well, this is just too perfect a set-up... and now it's happened, too easy!
Bruce: Oracle...
Babs: Don't worry, I'm joking. Dick's gone to get Doctor Crane to call and vouch for your sanity, so we can at least keep you out of a padded room.
Bruce: Good!
Babs: By the way, what's he think about Quincy?
*Bruce looks over, sees Freud staring out the window at a figure running about the garden. A faint BEEEEEES! can be heard*
Bruce: I think he'll find him... interesting. Perhaps I shouldn't have been as quick to call him "normal" though... I heard that facepalm!
Babs: Who? Me?
Bruce: You especially. Don't try to fool me, after all these years of training and telepathy.
Freud: *overhears, makes note*
Babs: Is that all...
Bruce: *inner sigh* Of course not, you're for all intents and purposes my daughter-in-law, your father's my best friend, and this is not the best place to be having half this conversation overheard!
Freud: *looks innocent, is surprised when a fax arrives*
Fax, in Tim's handwriting: Don't be so surprised, Dr F - he always knows - R.
Bruce: And tell Batgirl to keep Robin away from the fax machine.

Freud: I overheard nothing!
Bruce: Uh huh.
Freud: But if I did--I would say that your family is in need of therapy. Possibly more than you!
Bruce: HA!!! Knew it!
*Faint scream of BEEESS is heard.*
Freud: Back to the discussion--Dr. Crane sent a vouch of your sanity...
Batman: But?
Freud: ....but it doesn't really work when the person sending a vouch for your sanity is, himself, insane.
Batman: He's better now.
Freud: You're sure?
Batman: *thinks of Crane dressing as Scarecrow.* Positive. (He's so convincing!)
Freud: I'd prefer to see for myself, if that were possible.
Bruce: It is... just a moment. *picks up phone again* Oracle: Tell Nightwing to bring Crane here immediately - and some soup.
Babs: Soup?!
Bruce: Just... tell him, or I won't let you hear what Doctor Freud said.
Babs: Meany... telling him now, Oracle signing out.
Freud: So...?
Bruce: Just wait a few minutes... oh, and watch out the window.
Outside: *Quincy is standing in the pathway, and suddenly spots something in the tree and runs inside - BEES!*
Bruce: Just wait a few minutes, things will be ok. You'll have soup.
Quincy: Bees?
Bruce: *nods* Soup.
Freud: And this is your normal friend?
Bruce: Apart from a severe phobia of bees, yes. He still doesn't get to drive my car though...
Freud: Wait - what's that light? Is it...
Bruce: My son, arriving with Crane.
*Dick lands, having flown over carrying Crane, manifesting a full Phoenix effect*
Freud: I... have absolutely no idea what to say.
Bruce: He can be a bit showy at times, but is recovering nicely after the confusion and dreams last week.
Freud: Dreams? Fascinating...
Bruce: Don't even start the analysis!
Freud: Aww.
Crane: I am Scarecrow! MWwahahahahah!!!!
Freud: Sane, you say?
Bruce: Heh. Right. Well...look over there!
*Dick flies them all back to Gotham quickly--and goes back to grab Quincy.*
Dick, flying past with Quincy: Sucker!
Another fax: Don't mind him, he has no manners - R.



Context Free Vignettes presents: Pizza Coupons

After Gotham Knights 67:
And if he really did kill someone...

Bruce: Alfred--did you kill someone? Is that blood?
Alfred: No, Sir. I spilled the tomato sauce.
Bruce: Oh. Ok. *walks away.*

Alfred: *evil grin.*
Bruce: What's the evil grin for?
Alfred: One of those days. Beat up the butcher, killed him and bathed in his blood.
Bruce: *look of horror.*
Alfred: Just a joke, Master Bruce. Honestly? I was attempting to make you a pizza. Those are harder to make than I thought...
Bruce: Why pizza?
Alfred: So you won't starve the next time I leave you--or spend your fortune on pizza delivery!
Bruce: It's all right, old friend, you don't need to worry about my fortune - I've got discount vouchers!
Alfred: *facepalm*

Alfred: Sir, those won't do any good.
Bruce: Why not?
Alfred: *looks at them.* Because they expired in 2000! How long have you been saving these vouchers?!
Bruce: A few years...
Alfred: And why haven't you spent them while I've been out of town?
Bruce: Tim and I always wanted things that weren't covered by the coupons. And Barbara said she could *ahem* fix the dates...
A speaker: HEY! Don't drag me into this!
Alfred: They would figure it out.
Bruce: How?
Alfred: They changed their logo in 2000. That old logo is still on these vouchers.
Bruce: *facepalm.*
Alfred: Exactly.
Bruce: I could build a time machine...
Babs: Alfred!...
Alfred: Already on it Miss Barbara. *slaps Bruce around the head* NO! No time travel! Have you already forgotten Master Dick's little adventure in time?
Bruce: Yes, I have.
Alfred: That's right, he rewrote time. You wouldn't remember.
Bruce: *confused look.*
Alfred: Ask Miss Jean or Miss Rachel next time you see them.
Bruce: But how do you know?
Alfred: A good butler never reveals his sources, sir.